


Shine in Summer's Glimmer

by astrangerenters



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Beach House, Explicit Language, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, References to Depression, Romance, Sex, Slow Romance, Summer, Summer Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 09:20:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 49,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12230025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangerenters/pseuds/astrangerenters
Summary: A month at a guest house along the Chiba coast. Beachy days, quiet nights. And an attraction Sho simply can’t shake.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [learashi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/learashi/gifts).



_let's overcome things like the past  
the glimmer of summer will brighten me up_

arashi / summer splash 

/ / / / /

He’s in the middle of a lesson when the door slides open, and Principal Miyazawa herself is standing there. To his surprise, the students don’t laugh or start to whisper. If Miyazawa has come in person, it’s serious indeed. 

“Sakurai-sensei,” she says, face serious but unreadable. “A moment.”

He looks to Kota, who’s a member of the Student Council. She’ll keep the room from descending into anarchy. He tells them all to work on the exercises on pages 42 and 43. He tells Kota to keep them on task.

He follows Principal Miyazawa down the hall, away from the classroom and into a room that’s not being used. He’s ready for the worst.

“Your father just phoned the school. It’s your mother.”

/ / / / /

It’s not what he initially thought. 

In the milliseconds, in the heartbeats after Principal Miyazawa said “it’s your mother,” Sho imagined the words to follow. _She’s been hurt_. Or _she’s dying_. Or _she’s already passed away_.

Instead Sakurai Yukie had started her day like almost any other. She’d left the house for her usual neighborhood errands. A few letters to drop off at the post office. Items to drop off at the dry cleaners. An appointment at the hair salon for a trim. For almost two years now, the routine has been good. The routine has been working.

But not today. His mother made it through all her scheduled errands save for the last one. She made it to the grocery store, had even managed to put the bananas and spinach in her basket - two of the items on the list she had diligently put together. As far as the store manager tells Sho when he arrives, Sakurai Yukie had stood in front of the tomatoes for a good six or seven minutes before setting her shopping basket down and sitting on the floor beside it, unmoving.

Sho’s mother has depression. 

For many years, she was ashamed of it. A few times when Sho was still a boy, she had gone away from home for several weeks to stay with relatives in Karuizawa. It wasn’t until Sho was in his twenties, had already moved out of his parents’ house that he’d been told that she’d been in a hospital all those times, not with relatives. 

Now that her children are grown, his mother has become more accepting of her illness. Sometimes it’s hard for her to do it, but she accepts that it’s no fault of her own. She has a doctor she trusts. She’s on medication that keeps her from slipping into the lowest lows, although sometimes adjustments are needed. Sho’s sister lives in Wakayama with her fiance, and his younger brother has just started working for a company in Osaka now that he’s finished school. Sho, the eldest, still lives in Tokyo and is the one who must be around to sense when the adjustments are required.

Sho’s father loves his mother, there’s no denying it, but her illness troubles him. He’s older, he’s stubborn. He thinks that the medicine should be able to cure it entirely. He doesn’t love her any less, but he doesn’t understand. So whenever Yukie’s condition shifts, it’s Sho who is called.

Sometimes Yukie is proactive. She makes an appointment and tells her doctor that she can feel herself going down again. That sometimes she doesn’t want to do anything. That she can’t be bothered to meet up with friends, that she can’t get herself to eat much. 

But sometimes the symptoms come too quickly. Or sometimes she pretends they aren’t there, and she puts on a brave face for Sho’s father. It comes at a high cost to her. The illness starts to take charge. The illness that she fights so hard starts to weaken her resolve. The illness starts to convince her of things she’d never believe when she’s feeling better. That there’s no reason to get out of bed. In those dark, frightening times, the illness tries to convince Yukie that perhaps her children and her husband would prefer it if she went to bed and didn’t wake up. 

Unfortunately, this time the symptoms came quickly. The supermarket staff know her, and to respect her privacy, they’ve escorted her into the manager’s office, have somehow gotten her to sit at a table with a cup of tea to await Sho’s arrival. His father has already called the doctor. But it’s Sho who will have to bring her in.

He’s seen her look far worse, so that at least is encouraging. She’s managed to dress in matching clothes, her hair is freshly trimmed from her salon visit, and her makeup is expertly applied. But the outer appearance is often a mask, hiding the torment inside. As the wife of a government official, Yukie has always wanted to look perfect. He can see the cracks in her facade, but that’s because he’s had years of practice. She holds her hands tightly in her lap so nobody can see them shake. There’s a slight dullness in her normally sharp, intelligent eyes. And when he greets her with a “good afternoon, Mom,” the first words out of her mouth are “I’m sorry.”

He sits beside her. She’s got her bag, and he asks her permission before slipping her planner out. The planner was Sho’s idea a few years back to help her stay focused and to help set routines. There’s been a lot of upheaval in Yukie’s life now that her children are grown up, especially now that both Maya and Sou have moved away. Yukie needs something she can control, and the planner helps.

He pages through it. It serves as a way to plan her days, to document her activities, to diligently note that she has taken her medication. Her record-keeping has been faltering for the last week. He tries to call at least once a week to check in, but she hadn’t said anything the other day. Sometimes the illness tricks her, makes her think she’s surfacing again. But the proof is in the planner. The medication area for the last four days is blank. She had a grocery list today, but tomatoes are written three times. Her other appointments and errands are listed, but only because she likely wrote them in a week or two earlier.

He sets the planner aside and takes a breath. She can’t look at him. She’s a proud woman, and the supermarket staff having borne witness to her at such a low point has left her almost silent. Seeing her like this never gets any easier, but that’s just the way the illness works. It’s cruel. And it’s unfair. But Sho is here now.

“Dad’s made an appointment for you. I’m parked just outside,” he explains calmly. “Do you want to come with me?”

Sometimes she says no, and he never forces her. He just stays over at the house for a day or two until she agrees to see the doctor. He makes sure she eats, drinks, takes her pills. She usually comes around because she likes Ninomiya-sensei. His mother’s doctor is a year younger than Sho is, but apparently his youth works in his favor. 

Maya has told Sho that Yukie has a little crush on Ninomiya-sensei, but “don’t tell Dad!”

As if he ever would. Whatever keeps his mother going to her appointments.

“I’m not feeling well, Sho. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mom.”

“You had to leave work, right? You had to leave work for this. You and Maya and Sou must hate me so much. Papa must hate me.”

He shakes his head. This is not the first time he’s heard these words, and sadly it won’t be the last. These are the words that always hurt him the most. They’re the words that make him hate her illness, hate it for making words like that seem reasonable in her mind.

“We all love you, Mom, and we want you to feel better. If we go together, I’m sure Ninomiya-sensei will know how to help.”

It will still take a few weeks for Yukie to emerge from the worst of what she’s dealing with now. Any medication adjustments take time to start working. And sometimes it takes a few tries, a combination of one drug or another, until she can find a new normal. The timing, for once, works well enough with Sho’s schedule. The month-long summer break starts next week. He’ll be able to check in with his mother every day.

Yukie nods her agreement. The supermarket manager is a kind woman, and she encourages them to use an employee exit rather than having to walk through the store again. In a few minutes, they’re in the car, and he reaches over to rest a hand on her shoulder.

She has her bag in her lap, her eyes full of shameful tears that he knows she can’t control.

“Let’s go.”

/ / / / /

Sho stays in the waiting room, not-really-reading a magazine aimed at housewives while his mother and Ninomiya-sensei talk first. There are things she’ll say to her doctor that she’ll never say in front of him, and Sho’s fine with that. Anything that allows her to open up, feel safe and comfortable.

He sometimes wishes that his father would take on a bit more responsibility. When Sho was young, when he really didn’t seem to notice how horrible things were for his mother, it was because his father had worked hard to hide it. It was why he’d sent her off, sent her away. Now there’s no need to hide it, but still he keeps back.

A year ago, his father had been saying he was finally going to retire. He and Yukie were going to sell their house in Tokyo and move to Karuizawa. To live a quieter, calmer life away from the political world that had only made his mother’s life harder all those years as she did her best to raise her children and stifle her suffering for the sake of her husband’s reputation.

The retirement talk has evaporated lately, and Sho suspects that this might be the reason for Yukie’s troubles now. His father is gone from the house for many hours each day, still so devoted to his job, and Yukie is mostly alone aside from when the cleaning woman comes over or she has a visit with friends. Maya and Sou call her almost every day, but with their jobs, it’s not always possible. Sho has told his father time and again that Yukie needs order, stability. His mother needs steady expectations. 

She’d really been looking forward to planning the move, looking at houses, all the nitty-gritty details that would require her full attention. With such a big move, there’d be no room for her illness to creep back in and take control. But without that to look forward to, Yukie’s calm is threatened.

So it doesn’t actually surprise Sho when he’s called in to Ninomiya-sensei’s office, and the doctor confirms what he’s been thinking. Sho shakes his hand. Ninomiya is slim and pale and has confessed to Sho on a few occasions that if it wasn’t for his work, he’d probably be cooped up in his apartment playing games or watching TV all day. 

Sho thinks Ninomiya likes to chat about his own faults and quirks to put his patients at ease. In Yukie’s case, it makes her dote on him all the more. She has advised her doctor on numerous occasions that he ought to consider vitamin supplements if he’s not getting the sunlight he needs.

Ninomiya is discreet, so he says little in the way of specifics about Yukie’s condition. He merely acknowledges that it’s time to try a new tactic with her medications. He has nothing but praise for Yukie for coming in to see him as soon as she felt able, and even though it was Sho’s dad who made the appointment, Yukie for the first time today smiles at the man’s kind words.

But aside from the medication musical chairs, Ninomiya-sensei’s next prescription is unexpected.

“Your mother needs to get out of Tokyo,” he says bluntly.

“Forever?!”

Even Yukie can’t help but chuckle at Sho’s outburst. Sitting in Ninomiya-sensei’s comfortable office, she seems in better spirits than she’d been in at the supermarket. 

“No, no,” Ninomiya says, laughing with her. “Vacation.”

Vacation? Sho’s not quite sure he understands. There’s a lot of variables to account for with a vacation, especially a sudden one. Where to go, where to stay, what to eat, what to pack, what to do…

“A well-structured vacation,” Ninomiya continues, almost like he’s reading Sho’s mind. 

The doctor explains it all in rather logical, easy terms. It seems as though he and Sho’s mother have already talked it all out, considered the pros and cons. A friend of his owns a guest house in Onjuku, a fishing town on Chiba’s Pacific coast. A few hours in the car or a two-hour train ride from Tokyo Station. Onjuku Beach is popular enough with young people, but not overwhelming. A change of pace from Tokyo at least. Ninomiya thinks Yukie should spend August at the guest house, taking her new medication regimen and living life a little slower for a few weeks.

Before Sho can interject, Ninomiya notes that summer break starts next week, which makes him an ideal companion for Yukie. He could stay during the week. And then Sho’s father could visit on a weekend, giving Sho a break. And Maya and Sou or other relatives could come up for a weekend too. The whole family could have a beach party. But Sho knows that Yukie couldn’t be left there by herself. 

Wouldn’t it be just as calm and relaxing for Sho as well, Ninomiya implies, after his long weeks of putting up with temperamental teenage students? A month by the shore, no obligations, just sun and sand and sea?

Sho’s uncomfortably reminded of childhood, of weeks with his mother gone from the house without more than one phone call home a week. But this time instead of a hospital, she’d be in a new environment. And Sho would be watching her.

“My friend’s a good guy,” Ninomiya continues, watching Sho’s reaction carefully. “If you have to go back and forth, he’s always around.”

So not only is Ninomiya-sensei drumming up business for his friend’s guest house, he’s doing his utmost to convince Sho that this might not be the first time he’s sent a patient there for a little rest and relaxation.

“I don’t want to trouble you, Sho,” his mother says, although he can tell that’s she excited at the prospect. 

Normally new places and new experiences can alarm her. Having to take a different train or a taxi if there’s a delay. A familiar item disappearing from a store shelf. Having dinner with Sho’s father and one of his colleagues she hasn’t met before. But it seems that Ninomiya-sensei has really sold her on this beach adventure.

“Can you tell me a little bit more about your friend? The arrangements there?”

Ninomiya is very happy to do so. He goes onto his computer and finds some pictures. The place doesn’t have a website or TripAdvisor reviews. It’s apparently all by word of mouth. “He only does this part of the year,” he explains, and Sho presumes he’s talking about the friend. 

It’s further down the beach from the resort hotels and other small inns that cater more to surfers and sunbathers, an older and quieter part of town. To one side is a bait shop for the local fishermen, on the other a small izakaya. The house is a block from the beach, but Ninomiya shows them a picture from the balcony on the second floor. It has an unobstructed view of the water, and the sunrise over the ocean is admittedly a beautiful sight.

There’s about five or six guest rooms on the second floor. En-suite bathrooms for couples or ladies traveling alone, a toilet and bathroom for men on the ground floor. The rooms are basic but very clean, Western-style with beds rather than futons, a desk and chair, and a chest of drawers. There’s a guest kitchenette on the ground floor, but Ninomiya’s friend “usually throws something together for dinner” that everyone can share. 

There’s a very laidback, “help yourself” feel to the place, not something Sho’s used to. He’s more of a dine in the hotel restaurant or order room service type when it comes to vacationing, but this is a little too small for those sorts of amenities. 

“Your friend won’t mind us hanging around for a whole month?” Sho asks.

Ninomiya grins. “I think J is more used to long-term stays than random overnight guests. It shouldn’t be a problem.”

“J?” Sho asks, curious.

“Actually, his name is Matsumoto Jun. J is what I called him in high school because everyone else called him Junnosuke. At his request. Or should I say, he demanded it. Which was absurd.”

Yukie laughs at that. “He forced the other students to call him Junnosuke? He sounds like some princely character.”

“Ah, he still is to some extent, but don’t let that deter you, Yukie-san. He’s come a long way from his infamous Junnosuke days. He’s an incredibly nice person. And he makes a really good hamburger steak.”

Sho had been planning to spend at least part of his summer break doing a little sightseeing, but fortunately, he hasn’t booked anything. He’s free enough to devote most of his time to ensuring his mother has a fulfilling vacation. He can have a neighbor check for mail every other day and return on weekends. 

His father will probably use Yukie’s absence as an excuse to work longer hours, to order takeout. But his mother doesn’t seem the least bit concerned about this. A month without “very important” dinners with some of Dad’s colleagues and juniors. A month with only a small guest room to worry about rather than their too large, too empty house. Sho’s father’s family has always preferred the mountains for free time - skiing and hiking and soaring pines. But he knows that his mother loves the water more.

While Yukie takes her bag and goes to chat excitedly with Ninomiya-sensei’s receptionist about her vacation, Sho stays behind with the doctor airing all of his concerns. 

What if she keeps going down? Call my office. Or call me directly, here’s my cell phone number. 

What if she has a bad reaction to the new medication? Call my office. Or call me directly.

Will your friend “J” know about her condition? Will he be understanding? 

“Sho-san,” Ninomiya assures him with a friendly hand to his shoulder, “you can call him yourself if you’re worried about it.”

He leaves the doctor’s office with Matsumoto Jun’s cell phone number and only one warning: 

“Whatever you do, don’t call him before he’s had his morning coffee.”

/ / / / /

The last week of school before the break goes by in a flash. He’ll have a few faculty meetings to come back for, nothing unreasonable. His neighbor is happy to keep her eye on his apartment. It helps that she’s the floor busybody and will probably relish the opportunity to make sure nobody causes trouble in Sho’s absence.

As for Yukie, Sho’s father barely hides his palpable relief when he learns of the beach vacation. Knowing that Sho will be with her as much as possible, he doesn’t seem all that concerned about his wife being so far from home for so long. He has already said he might visit, but Sho doesn’t have high hopes for that. He doubts Yukie does either. But Maya and her fiance and Sou and maybe even his girlfriend (brand new, met at work, very pretty, Yukie brags) will likely each come for a weekend.

Yukie knows not to ask if Sho plans to bring anyone for visits to the guest house.

It’s been a long year since everything happened, everything with Kohei, and he hasn’t yet felt much need to start looking. Instead he can focus on his mom, on her health. He can focus on lesson planning, on exercising, on the stack of books he’s been meaning to read all year but hasn’t yet.

Sho and his mother are driving out first thing Sunday morning. Ninomiya has already been back and forth with Sho over email confirming their rooms will be ready, providing directions, and telling him to call Matsumoto with any questions. Sho’s father is the one paying for their stay despite Sho’s protests, so he and Yukie have already discussed that with their host. 

Sho hasn’t interacted with him yet at all. With school wrapping up, he’s barely had a moment to spare regarding his accommodations or his host for that matter. All Sho really knows is that he’s Ninomiya’s high school friend who liked to be called Junnosuke…but that was nearly twenty years ago.

It’s actually Matsumoto who calls him first, just after 8:00 PM on the Wednesday before the trip. 

He has a calm, slightly nasal voice. “Hello, may I please speak with Sakurai Sho-sama? This is Matsumoto Jun at the Hidamari Guest House.”

“This is Sakurai Sho, hello.”

He’s very polite. “Please forgive my interruption. Is this a good time to talk?”

“Yes, of course.”

Matsumoto is calling to confirm the details of their stay. Even though his mother already told him everything, Sho listens to his host respectfully. The details are exactly as his mother relayed them. Yukie will be staying in the room with the best view (his father had probably insisted upon it). Sho will be just across the hall...

“If that’s still alright with you, Sakurai-sama,” Matsumoto says. “I’m sorry that I don’t have another ocean view, but if you wish to change to a different room at any time…”

“No, no, there’s no need,” he interrupts. The view doesn’t matter when he’ll be at the beach every day anyhow. “I’m happy to stay in one place. I don’t wish to trouble you.”

“You’re my guest, Sakurai-sama,” comes the reply, and Sho tries not to smile at the slightly chiding tone despite the extreme politeness of Matsumoto’s words themselves. “Your happiness during your stay here is of utmost importance to me.”

Sho doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he lets Matsumoto carry on with the overview. Sho’s room does not have a private bathroom, but he will only have one other guest to share facilities with for at least the first week of his stay. Toiletries and towels provided. House curfew is midnight, but the door will be unlocked throughout the day for guests to come and go. There is a small parking lot next to the izakaya where Sho can leave his car.

“Ninomiya-sensei said you sometimes make dinner?”

“Sometimes. It’s not a guarantee. I usually decide in the morning if I feel like it.”

_If I feel like it_. Sho can’t help but be a little troubled by that. 

“That’s…hmm…”

“But of course, Ninomiya-kun told you about the kitchenette?” Matsumoto asks. “There’s a refrigerator and a small stove. A rice cooker and an electric kettle. I have a toaster oven in my kitchen if you need to borrow it.”

“Matsumoto-san…”

“As far as local dining options go, the izakaya next door usually has a seafood lunch and the usual snack fare in the evening. I’d also recommend Triple Kitchen…it’s a little further down the beach, but if you’re looking for fresh seafood or anything grilled…”

“Matsumoto-san, I’m sorry to interrupt you.” When Matsumoto says nothing, he continues. “It’s just that my mother is used to a routine. With everyday things and with meals. It’s a vacation for her, so I can’t imagine she’ll want to cook every meal herself, but the impulsive nature of your dinners might…”

He receives a bemused chuckle in return. “Sakurai-sama,” Matsumoto says warmly, “I have already stocked the kitchenette for your mother as she directed me. When you arrive, you need only open the refrigerator or cupboard to find items labeled with your surname. She was very clear that she intends to make breakfast and lunch as much as she can and will make her dinner plans in the morning with me.”

“Oh. She didn’t tell me…” 

“She also told me that you don’t like to cook, and that if she’s not here to do something about it, you’re liable to eat clams at the beach all day until you turn into a clam yourself.”

Sho pauses, embarrassed. Matsumoto must think he’s a spoiled brat. A thirty-five year old man taking a vacation with his mother and still expecting dear mother to cook all his meals for him. 

“My mother said that to you?”

“Ah, to be honest, I can’t remember if she said you would be turning into a clam or a scallop. Forgive me.”

Sho can see why Ninomiya refused to call him “Junnosuke” and insisted on his own nickname just to be contrary. His host sounds respectful and polite even as he teases.

He bites the inside of his cheek, silently fuming. How close his mother and this Matsumoto Jun have already gotten, it seems! Then again, Sakurai Yukie in her better moods can be very direct and unflinching in her requirements. It comes with having three stubborn children, Sho suspects, all stubborn in their own unique ways.

“Sakurai-sama.” Matsumoto’s voice is kinder then. “You don’t have to worry. Your mother will be very comfortable here. I promise.”

“Ninomiya-sensei told you…”

“Whatever she needs, I’m here to help,” Matsumoto says quietly. “Please keep me in your favor.”

He can’t help breathing a sigh of relief. It seems Matsumoto knows enough about Yukie’s condition already.

Matsumoto is less teasing as the call continues, telling Sho what else he needs to know. The nearest pharmacy likely to have his mother’s medications in stock. The nearest gas station. The nearest hospital. The nearest surf shop. Matsumoto has extra beach towels, beach chairs, and a few umbrellas available for no extra charge. Sho even learns the Wi-fi password. It’s ‘vuitton.’ 

“As in Louis,” Matsumoto says, offering no other explanation.

If Matsumoto is not in the house, he is probably at the beach himself, but he has already promised Sho’s mother to tell her his plans for the day.

“I hope it’s not too much trouble.”

“I’m not the type that lives life with a set plan,” Matsumoto admits, “but if it’s for a guest’s sake, I can tell her where I’ll be down to the minute if that’s what she needs from me.”

Sho doesn’t get the sense that he’s exaggerating or lying. He’s just that devoted to the happiness of his guests. It’s reassuring. And it reminds him of what Ninomiya-sensei had said in his office. He’s an incredibly nice person. 

Matsumoto tells Sho that he’ll be ready for them Sunday morning and to have a safe trip. Sho won’t pass judgment on the Hidamari Guest House itself until they arrive, but at least now he feels reassured that his mother will be in good hands.

/ / / / /

Sunday starts off a little rough. His mother is not yet out of bed when he rings the doorbell and his father lets him in. Sho sits in the kitchen, sipping coffee with him. They talk about things that aren’t Yukie’s condition. Mostly a bill that’s working its way through the Diet that his father expects will pass, resulting in a bit of a bump to his department’s operating budget. Not the most riveting of chats, but his father’s clearly on edge and leaning on topics that are comfortable to him.

His mother emerges an hour later in her bathrobe. She sees Sho at the table and her eyes water, but she doesn’t cry.

“We can go another day,” he says, but she shakes her head.

“I don’t want to inconvenience Matsumoto-san,” she says with more courage than Sho figures he’ll ever have. “Let me get ready.”

He calls Matsumoto to apologize, but he reaches the man’s voicemail.

“Hello, you’ve reached Matsumoto Jun and the Hidamari Guest House. If this is Sakurai Yukie-sama, I am currently out on the water surfing with a friend and will return after 2:00 PM. Please feel free to go inside and relax if you arrive before I come back.”

Sho can’t help but smile at the very detailed and up-to-date message before leaving one of his own, saying it’ll still be another two and a half, three hours before they arrive.

It’s almost an hour before they’re even on the road. His mother had packed most of her things days earlier, but she was unable to leave until she had unzipped each bag to double-check and then triple-check all the contents. She still seemed a little worried once they were locked in the trunk of the car, but she was set on going no matter what. His father actually hugged her, kissed her in front of him. He gripped Sho’s arm tight and whispered only “thank you” before bidding them farewell and slowly walking back to the house.

The traffic is bad, and his mother is using the car stereo to listen to an audiobook on money saving habits. As the car inches along toward the Aqua Line tunnel, Sho tries to ignore the common sense chattering that’s masquerading as new and innovative advice. His parents don’t really need to worry about their finances, especially since his father is still working. But he supposes it gives his mother something to focus on, that she can praise herself if she’s already doing what the book suggests.

He waits until they’re across the bay and it’s after 2:00 before he calls Matsumoto again.

“Sakurai-sama, I got your message.”

“We’re about forty-five minutes out.”

“Perfect. That gives me time to run one more errand before you get here.”

Sho knows that they were expected hours ago, but Matsumoto doesn’t sound upset. His mother turns down the stereo, holding out her hand.

“Ah,” Sho says with a smile, “please hold for my mother.”

“Of course.”

His mother takes the phone, and though her voice isn’t as strong as he knows it can be, she sounds a bit lighter than she did back at the house. “Matsumoto-san, about the fish…it’s there? Oh, that’s wonderful…”

Sho focuses on the road as it winds gently through the Chiba mountains. Her voice grows warmer, happier the longer she talks. His mother and Matsumoto talk for a few more minutes before she hangs up. 

“He says ‘see you soon,’” his mother informs him, and he nods.

They finally make it to town, and Sho turns off the air conditioning in the car, rolling down the windows. The sea air hits with full force in an instant as they make their way past the train station, past surf shops, and small restaurants. They drive in circles a bit deliberately for a while so they can locate convenience stores, the pharmacy. They drive past some of the larger resorts, and they can see the ocean between the buildings, colorful umbrellas and happy visitors in the sand.

At last they pull onto a quieter street. It’s closer to a small marina full of fishing boats than to the resort areas, so Sho assumes he’ll be spending the next month smelling salt and fish in equal measure. The house is painted a light gray with a darker gray roof, and there are a few flower pots in front bringing in some color. As Matsumoto said, there’s a parking lot beside the izakaya next door, and he pulls into one of several empty spots. Most locals walk over, his host had explained, so the lot never fills up.

They get out of the car, and it feels good to stretch a little. They’re a block away, but Sho can hear the soothing sounds of the seashore, seagulls flying overhead. There’s a small outdoor patio with tables and chairs at the izakaya, and two middle-aged men are having a couple beers. They nod in a friendly manner as Sho gets the first load of luggage out of the car. It seems as though his mother has packed for a year, not a month, but he’s not going to say anything.

They’re almost to the door of the Hidamari Guest House when the green front door opens, revealing their host.

Sho nearly drops one of the bags, recovering quickly. A man steps out of the house, hurrying forward down the few steps to take the bag that his mother is holding. He’s in a pair of brown sandals, white and blue striped shorts that hit just below the knee, and a tight white t-shirt without any sleeves. Sho can’t ignore the guy’s sun-kissed skin, his muscular arms. He’s got a baseball cap on backwards, some thick silver necklace that disappears under his shirt, and a rather stylish pair of sunglasses.

“Sakurai-sama and Sakurai-sama, I presume?” and his voice matches the one on the phone, but Sho now realizes that this might not be the most relaxing vacation ever.

Because standing in front of him now, hoisting his mother’s suitcase with ease and smiling a gorgeous Hollywood smile, is one of the most attractive people Sho’s ever seen in his entire life.

His mother speaks first. “And that will be the last Sakurai-sama we hear on this trip. Please call me Yukie.”

Matsumoto keeps smiling. He looks like he just came from the beach, and Sho can see soft strands of damp black hair poking out from under his hat. “Let’s meet in the middle with ‘Yukie-san’ for now, okay?”

“Okay,” his mother agrees before turning. “This is my son Sho.”

He steps forward dutifully, inclining his head instead of going for a handshake since the both of them now have heavy burdens. And because Sho worries that he might not be able to let go. “Nice to meet you in person,” he manages to say, trying to ignore the guy’s arms, his broad shoulders and chest, his narrower waist. 

It’s been a long year.

Now that killer smile is aimed directly at him. “Nice to meet you too, Sho-san. Won’t you please follow me inside?”

It’s been a long year for Sho, and now it’s going to be an even longer month.

/ / / / /

They bring all the bags in, and then they put on the guest slippers Matsumoto has for them. The house is cool, airy since Matsumoto keeps as many windows and screen doors open to catch the breezes coming off the water. 

He leads them upstairs, refusing to let Sho’s mother carry anything more than her own purse. Her room is clean and tidy, and Sho’s heart clenches a little when he sees the cheerful bouquet of fresh, summery flowers settled on top of the chest of drawers. Matsumoto doesn’t even remark on it, setting Yukie’s bags down on the bed. 

He has her follow him into the bathroom, and he shows her how her shower and tub work. Sho looks out the window, seeing out to the beach in the distance. The second-floor balcony starts just beside her room, jutting out a few feet from the building. It’s covered and screened-in to keep bugs out, and Sho can spy a few chairs and lanterns. It might be a nice place to unwind after a long day.

“I’ll leave you to get settled in here. No need to be formal, you can just shout downstairs if you need me. Let me bring Sho-san to his room.”

Sho still can’t manage to find many words, dutifully following Matsumoto and his striped shorts across the hall. He hands over a key and has another of his own to unlock the door. “And here we are.” He took off his sunglasses at some point, so Sho is hit with the full force of sharp, intense brown eyes. Matsumoto has large features - large eyes, thicker brows, perfect cheekbones. Everything somehow forms a cohesive, attractive whole.

The room is exactly like one Ninomiya-sensei showed him that day in the office. Double bed with a light blue comforter and plenty of pillows. Desk. Chair. Air conditioning unit. Chest of drawers. There aren’t any flowers in here, but there’s some framed photos on the wall. Black and white shots of the beach, the ocean. It’s a calm, masculine room.

Sho sets down his things. “Nice room.”

“There’s a linen closet in the hall out here,” Matsumoto says, careful to move around him and back out of the room. Sho follows. “I’ll change your sheets every day if you like, but there’s extras in here if you want to do it yourself. Towels are in here too.”

They move down the hall, and Matsumoto shows him the balcony before they head downstairs. The entry hall and stairwell, a large living room beside them with comfortable-looking sofas, a few armchairs. There’s a TV on a stand and a bookshelf almost overflowing. Matsumoto leads him past that to the kitchenette exactly as he described, with a table and four chairs for guests. Beyond that is the toilet room and the laundry room with a machine they can freely use “from after I wake up until curfew.” Matsumoto doesn’t feel the need to specify when he wakes up.

Finally, Sho is shown to the bathroom. He can already see another towel hanging on one of the racks, a toothbrush and toothpaste near the sink along with a stick of deodorant. “Nagase-san is staying in the room next to you until Friday. He’s from Yokohama, comes out here to surf. He’s a nice guy. Huge guy.”

“Huge guy?” Sho asks.

Matsumoto holds up his hand over his head. “Tall.” Matsumoto himself is of fairly average height, maybe a little taller than Sho is. 

There’s a back door in the kitchenette, and he can walk straight to the beach from there if he wants. There’s one more door they haven’t gone through.

“And you’re just through there?”

Matsumoto nods. “Yep. So if I don’t come when you call, you can just knock.” He doesn’t bother to say so, but it’s implied that Matsumoto’s living space is off limits to the guests.

“Thanks,” Sho says. “I’ll go check in with Mom and make sure she settles in okay.”

Matsumoto smiles again, but thankfully not as big and bright as before. This one’s a little easier for Sho to bear. “Sounds like you’ve had a long day already. But if you do decide to go out, let me know and I can bring you around the neighborhood. Enjoy yourself. Remember. This is your vacation, too.”

He shakes his head, laughing a little. Easy enough for him to say.

Sho leaves the kitchenette behind, taking the stairs back up. He finds his mother happily unpacking. Already she has her pill bottles neatly set up on the chest of drawers beside the vase of flowers. She’s on a new dosage, and Sho will be keeping a close eye on her progress. 

“Need anything, Mom?”

“I think I might have a nap,” she says, but there’s none of the sadness in her voice. She sounds tired because she’s simply tired, not tired with the stress of being away from home.

He leaves her to it, closing her door and leaving her to her privacy. In his own room, he closes the door, rubbing his hands over his face in slight irritation. Their host is too handsome, Sho declares to himself. His skin was a little pockmarked from what was probably a rough patch of puberty, but Sho couldn’t find another flaw on him. 

Sho changes out of his clothes and into a new t-shirt and shorts, sighing at how pale he is. He’s barely gone out, hasn’t enjoyed the summer months at all yet. If he’s not careful with sunscreen, he’ll likely bake and burn up right away. Hopefully he can return to school in September with a healthy bit of color. Hopefully he’ll get a good amount of rest and can return without his trademark Sakurai-sensei eye bags.

He calls his Dad, letting him know they arrived safely, sending the same message in a text to his sister and brother. Once he’s unpacked a bit, he sits down on the bed, finding the mattress to be just as comfortable as the one he has at home, although just the slightest bit narrower. He lies back and closes his eyes. Matsumoto had opened the window instead of putting on the A/C, and Sho does his best to relax. His room looks out to the street, so he’s soothed with the noise of the occasional passing car, buzzing insects in the distance, the sounds of boats in the marina nearby.

Sho wishes more than anything that his mother was well, that a trip like this wouldn’t be necessary in the first place. But there’s nothing he can do to change that, so he’ll do his best to keep her happy here. And if he can manage that on most days, perhaps he’ll even have a little time to take Matsumoto Jun’s advice. 

To remember that this is his vacation, too.

/ / / / /

He sleeps longer than expected, waking only when he can hear noisy laughter downstairs. He heads downstairs only to find strangers in the kitchenette chatting with his mother. He presumes one of them is the other guest, Nagase-san, because the man standing beside her has to be more than six feet tall.

The other stranger is a small man, sitting at the kitchenette table sipping a beer. He has a tired look to him, and both he and Nagase-san have tanned skin that speaks of a life mostly lived outdoors.

“Hello,” Sho says, not wanting to lurk in the doorway much more.

His mother doesn’t even look up from the frying pan. The kitchenette smells amazing. Yukie is frying up some fish fillets, and the pan on the other burner is full of colorful chopped veggies.

Nagase comes around to greet him. Though he might be a little intimidating with his mustache and strong features, he has a bright and friendly smile. He holds out a hand. “Nagase Tomoya. I’m your neighbor.”

“Sakurai Sho,” he replies, doing his best to handle Nagase’s firm handshake.

“That rude fellow over there who can’t be bothered to get up is Ohno-san.” Nagase looks over, wagging a finger at the other man. “He’s just here for the food.”

“I caught those,” Ohno replies in a softer, mumblier voice, jutting out his chin in a stubborn, but almost endearing fashion.

Sho walks over to the table himself, offering his hand. Ohno’s hands are rough, callused, and his handshake is equally strong. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you. Ohno Satoshi.”

“Dinner in about five minutes, Sho-chan,” his mother announces, and he reddens when the other two men grin at him in amusement.

Their host arrives, coming through the door to his living space with a bottle of wine and a corkscrew. Matsumoto smiles at the sight of him. “Ah, Sleeping Beauty’s awake.”

“Oi,” Sho protests, rubbing at the back of his neck in further embarrassment when everyone laughs at his expense.

While Nagase has a seat beside Ohno, Matsumoto stands at the stove, taking charge of the veggie pan. Yukie seems pleased with the help. Sho, feeling a little out of place, can only sit down at the table with the other two men and await the meal. An extra chair has been brought in since apparently all five of them will be dining together.

While his mother and Matsumoto put the finishing touches on dinner, a perfect partnership, Sho learns a little more about the men at the table. As Matsumoto said, Nagase-san is a surfer from Yokohama. When he’s not at the beach, he builds custom motorcycles with a friend. They own a shop together. Ohno-san is an Onjuku local, one of Matsumoto’s friends. He works on one of the boats in the marina.

“If I know that Matsujun’s cooking, I always find a reason to stop by.”

Matsujun. Junnosuke. J. People have all sorts of names for the owner of the Hidamari Guest House.

“You better thank Yukie-san, not me,” Matsumoto chides his friend. “To be fair, Sho-san, Ohno-kun isn’t a complete freeloader. He did catch our dinner.”

Ohno beams proudly. 

Matsumoto refuses to let Yukie serve, instead having her sit at the head of the table. Sho hasn’t seen his mother look so calm or content in a while. He suspects that being able to cook for a table full of hungry men has lifted her spirits, given her a straightforward task to accomplish. With all her kids moved out, Sho knows that she doesn’t get much enjoyment or satisfaction out of cooking anymore. Matsumoto opens the wine, a white that Sho knows is one of Yukie’s favorites. He pours for himself and Yukie before looking over at Sho.

“Are you a beer guy or a wine guy, Sleeping Beauty?”

The others laugh again, and Sho knows he’s red. The last thing he needs is their good-looking host teasing him for the next month. “Beer,” he says defiantly, receiving an amused quirk of Matsumoto’s eyebrow. Matsumoto sets the wine bottle down, grabs a beer from the refrigerator and pours it into a glass for him.

Their fingers brush when Matsumoto hands it over, and Sho does his best not to spill it. He doesn’t miss the soft smile on his mother’s face.

Matsumoto puts rice, veggies, and fish on every plate, serving everyone before himself. He has a seat beside Sho, a strong, warm presence at his side. They all raise and clink glasses before digging in. Sho knows how good his mother’s fried fish can be, and he isn’t surprised at the reaction. Yukie seems happy when the compliments come rolling in. It’s a perfect summer meal, the perfect start to the trip.

His mother develops a fondness almost immediately for Ohno-san, asking him question after question about fishing, about the local area. Though Ohno is a little soft-spoken, his beer helps him to chat more than it seems he’s used to. In exchange, Yukie talks about their family but makes no mention of her illness, merely stating that her husband works in government, and she’s taking a break from all the politics for a while.

“And what do you do, Sho-san?” Nagase asks. “Are you a politician too?”

He feels Matsumoto’s eyes on him as he sips wine just to his side.

“Nothing so extraordinary,” Sho says. “I’m a junior high school teacher. Social studies.”

Ohno and Nagase groan, looking at each other. They commiserate over their mutual dislike for their long-gone school days. “Social studies, man. It wasn’t my worst class,” Nagase admits, offering Sho a teasing smile, “but it was so boring!”

“It’s not boring!” he protests.

“Be nice,” Matsumoto scolds them. “Unless Sho-san is assigning us homework or giving us quizzes, we have no reason to disparage his job. Teachers work hard, you know.”

He turns to Matsumoto with a shy smile, holding up his beer glass in gratitude. “Thank you very much.”

“Teacher’s pet,” he hears Nagase grumble under his breath, and Ohno nearly chokes on a bite of dinner.

“Better than the class clowns,” Yukie says, rather amused by the table’s childishness.

Discussion thankfully drifts away from Sho’s job, and to their plans for the week. Nagase intends to get out on the water to surf every day he’s able, although there’s rain in the forecast a few days from now, the remnants of a typhoon. Ohno will be on the water rain or shine, setting out from the Onjuku marina in the dark of night and not returning until the dawn.

Matsumoto tells Sho and his mother about their options. The beach. Further down the beach. And still further down the beach. Walking, relaxing, swimming, surfing. Or people watching. It’s not the most happening town, but there are a few shrines within walking distance if they have any interest in taking a short break from getting sand between their toes. If they get rained out, there’s books and TV in the house. Since Sho has a car, Matsumoto says they could drive down to nearby Katsuura for the morning market as well. Sho decides to let his mother’s interests guide them, at least for the first few days. 

Dinner wraps up, and Ohno takes his leave first. He lives a few blocks away and will be sleeping a few hours before getting up and heading for the marina. Yukie tells him to come back again soon, that she’ll be happy to cook for him anytime. 

“And remember,” Matsumoto interrupts, “Yukie-san’s not gonna be here forever. Don’t expect this special service to continue once she goes back home.”

Ohno’s lip curls in feigned irritation before he thanks Yukie profusely for including him in the meal. Matsumoto gets up, walks him to the door. Nagase clears the table, and Sho gets up as well, telling his mother to leave the cleaning to them. She seems a little embarrassed, but otherwise pleased.

She heads for the living room, and soon the sound of the kitchenette sink is joined by the sounds of the TV on the other side of the wall. Nagase scrubs, Sho dries, and together they work out a pretty decent system.

“You surf, Sho-san?”

“Not much. Most times I’ve been out with friends I’ve fallen off. My balance is awful.”

Nagase laughs, handing him another plate to dry. “Come out with me sometime this week, I’ll show you everything you need to know. Surfing Sensei, that’s what they’ll be calling you when you get back.”

He nods in agreement, deciding not to hold the big man’s dislike of social studies against him. “I’d like that, thanks.”

Nagase heads upstairs for the night as Sho wraps up the leftovers in some storage containers he finds in the cupboard. When he shuts off the light and heads for the living room, he finds his mother and Matsumoto deep in conversation. He stands in the doorway, watching his mother chat amiably with him. She usually doesn’t talk so openly with strangers. But Matsumoto is a diligent listener, sitting sideways on the sofa, resting an elbow against the back of it. He seems to have put her at ease, even though they’ve only known each other a handful of hours (aside from their phone calls).

Sho initially thought that this trip would push her further into her shell. It was a lot to take in. Unfamiliar town, unfamiliar house. An unfamiliar host. But there’s a softness, a gentleness to the Hidamari Guest House despite its simplicity. Maybe it’s the breeze keeping the house cool and comfortable. Maybe it’s the humble furniture, the cozy chairs and sturdy beds. 

He looks at the soft smile Matsumoto gives Yukie, the way he doesn’t crowd her or interrupt her.

Maybe it’s the host.

“I’ll be up in my room, catching up on some reading,” he announces, seeing the pair of them turn to look at him.

“Happy reading,” she says, offering him a little wave.

“Let me know if you need anything,” he replies, wondering if he should say the rest of what he needs to say in front of Matsumoto Jun. 

He decides that he can. Sho’s initial distress over their attractive host’s…attractiveness hasn’t entirely gone away yet, but he tells himself that what matters most about Matsumoto isn’t what he looks like. It’s his character. It’s the calm, measured voice he uses around Sho’s mother. It’s the way he’s opened his house to them, to her. It’s the flowers and the wine, the added touches Sho doubts his father had asked for.

He feels like he can trust Matsumoto Jun, at least in this. Even if they’ve only just met.

“Mom,” Sho says, “do you need any help with your night pills?”

She simply shakes her head. “No, I’ve already got them ready in my pill organizer. I’ve got the whole week set.”

“Good,” he says. Even if life is a little slower here along the Chiba coast, some things must be done properly. “See you in the morning.”

He’s brought a solid stack of books, has lined them up in order of interest on the nightstand beside the bed. The quiet is almost too much, so he turns on a small fan in the corner for some noise. He reads until well after midnight before heading downstairs to wash up. 

He emerges a short time later, shutting off the light in the kitchenette. It’s in that moment that Sho sees that there’s light coming from under the other door, Matsumoto’s door. Another night owl, he thinks with a grin. He starts to walk away, but then he stops.

At dinner that night, there’d been plenty of talk. About Sho’s dad and his government position. About their family, about Sho’s life as a teacher. About Nagase’s motorcycles and Ohno’s fishing boat.

Sho only realizes now, hours later, that Matsumoto Jun hadn’t shared a thing about himself.


	2. Chapter 2

The washroom is unoccupied when Sho heads down for a quick shower in the morning. When he makes it back to his room to change into a t-shirt and swim trunks, he can also hear the shower going in his mother’s room. Unlike the day before, when Sho arrived at the house to discover she hadn’t yet made it out of bed, it seems that today will be one of Yukie’s better days.

By the time she comes down, Sho’s at least managed to make some toast and coffee. The pair of them sit at the table for a while longer after that, his mother insisting that they make some onigiri together to take to the beach with them. They make far more than is necessary for two people, so Sho suspects that his mother already considers Matsumoto, Nagase, and perhaps even Ohno-san part of her extended family.

His suspicions are confirmed when Matsumoto Jun emerges, dressed in a half-buttoned, colorful Hawaiian shirt and swim trunks, a pair of thick black glasses hiding his tired eyes. Sho somehow manages to keep a straight face at the sight of him. Even now in the morning, clearly having just tumbled out of bed a short time ago, there’s a gracefulness to the way Matsumoto carries himself, drifting through the room to the coffee pot.

“Good morning, Jun-kun,” Sho’s mother says quietly so as not to disturb their grumpy-looking host.

“Morning. I’d make my own, but yours is already done,” he mumbles, tucking a longer strand of hair behind his ear as he searches the cupboard for one of the guest mugs.

In that moment, Sho remembers Ninomiya-sensei’s warning not to bother Matsumoto until he’s had his coffee.

Yukie ignores that warning and starts to fuss immediately, getting out of her seat, full of morning murmurs. Have a seat, what can I make you, what kind of filling do you like in your onigiri? Sho rolls his eyes, wondering when his mother is going to remember that she’s the guest, not the host around here.

Matsumoto starts a fresh pot of coffee after stealing the rest of the pot Sho made, looking a little embarrassed. “Um, any filling is fine, Yukie-san. Thank you.”

She’s not too pleased with the wishy-washy answer, so she points to several she’s already made. “Have as many as you like. I’ve made some for Tomoya-kun and Satoshi-kun if they wish, but I can always make more.”

Matsumoto sits across from Sho with his mug, meeting his eyes and looking apologetic. He grins in reply.

They tell him their plans for the day, which mostly involves sitting at the beach with books and maybe going in for a swim. Matsumoto seems pleased to find himself useful once again. While Sho finishes making his own lopsided onigiri and Yukie finishes her perfect ones, Matsumoto explains the best places on the beach. Where the surfers will be, where the fewest people go, where to avoid the obnoxious teens who will be splashing each other.

He finishes his coffee and gets to his feet. “Let me grab you the chairs and umbrella, I’ll walk you over there.”

They clean up in the kitchenette just in time for Nagase to come downstairs, wrapping Sho’s mother up in a grateful hug when he sees all the portable food waiting for him. Sho panics for half a second, but Yukie goes with the flow and hugs him back. Sho almost can’t believe what he’s seeing. His mother’s always been affectionate enough as far as mothers go, but from the moment she’s stepped inside the Hidamari Guest House, she’s loosened up. She’s smiling, she’s teasing, she’s embracing strangers.

Well, after their meal together, Nagase-san’s not a complete stranger but still…

Nagase grabs a handful of onigiri and leaves with a cheerful smile, heading for the shed behind the guest house where he has his board locked up. The three of them follow shortly after once Sho’s mother has checked and double-checked and then triple-checked her beach bag for all her essentials. Hat. Sunglasses. Sunscreen. Book. Food. Water bottle. Magazine. Phone. Towels.

Matsumoto unlocks the shed and hauls out two sturdy looking beach chairs, wooden frames with white and red striped canvas material to sit on. The umbrella is navy blue, and he hands that over to Sho. The shed is locked up again, and Matsumoto’s soon leading the way.

“The ocean is waiting!” he declares, sounding more human again now that he’s had his massive mug of coffee.

Sho, umbrella in his arms and bag on his shoulder, brings up the rear, following Matsumoto and his mother down a cement path that leads to the next street. They need only cross that street before they make it to the beach. As they walk, their red Hawaiian-shirted tour guide points out a foot wash and water fountain as well as a small building with public restrooms.

“Of course, you can always come back to the house if you want,” he says, “I have been told that sometimes the ladies room runs out of toilet paper.”

“Good to know!” Yukie declares.

Matsumoto lets Yukie get ahead of them so she can scout out a place in the sand she finds most suitable. Sho walks at his side, toting the umbrella while Matsumoto carries their chairs.

“She’s doing well today,” Sho says.

“Looks like it. I’m glad.”

“Thank you for all you’ve done. All that you’re doing.”

“You’re my guests,” Matsumoto reminds him, looking over with a teasing smile. He’s squinting a little since he’s still wearing his glasses rather than a pair of sunglasses. It’s kind of cute.

“You’re welcome to join us…I mean, if you’re not busy.”

Matsumoto shakes his head. “Got some cleaning to do. But thanks.”

“If by that you mean you have to clean my room, you don’t have to…”

“Sho-san,” Matsumoto says in that teasing tone again. “I’m going to clean your room whether you like it or not. There’s a ‘Do Not Disturb’ tag hanging on the inside of your door, and unless you hang it on the outside, I’m going in.”

Sho didn’t even know that was there. “I don’t want to trouble you…”

“You sit at the beach. And I’ll do the job I’m paid to do.”

Sho’s still used to big chain hotels, to nameless housekeeping staff that go in and out when he’s not around. Staying at the Hidamari Guest House is really a first for him, knowing that Matsumoto Jun and only Matsumoto Jun will be dusting around his suitcases, scrubbing the tub and shower he used.

“Don’t have to change the sheets yet,” he mumbles, one final protest, earning a soft laugh in return.

They get the umbrella and chairs set out, and Matsumoto leaves them alone, but not before explaining in detail what he’ll be doing back at the house so Yukie has peace of mind. “Call me if you need anything,” he says before waving goodbye.

Sho sits down, sighing in relief once he’s gone and all he has to worry about is the lure of the waves.

He and his mother focus on their sunscreen, on relaxing under the umbrella. He leaves her behind a while, ditches his shirt and goes for a quick swim. She’s got an odd look on her face when he returns, toweling off and waiting for her to say something that will break his heart. That maybe this was a bad idea. That she’s been faking her happiness all day. That coming to Chiba was a mistake.

Instead Yukie waits until he’s sitting down again before she leans over, resting a gentle hand on his damp forearm.

“Sho-chan, I simply have to tell you this.”

“What is it, Mom?” he asks, trying not to sound overly concerned.

She leans even closer, her words almost drowned out by the merry sounds of their fellow beachgoers, the slap of waves against the shoreline.

“Jun-kun is single.”

That is…far from what he expected to hear. He looks at her in confusion, water sliding down his face from his still-wet hair. She’s got her sunglasses on, so he can’t really read her eyes. “Huh?”

She pats his arm once, twice before leaning back in her chair, letting out a pleased sigh. “We were chatting last night, I suppose I was talking about Maya or Sou and it must have come up then, goodness, I don’t even remember…”

“Mom,” he says a bit sharply.

“I didn’t pry, I don’t pry. I’m pretty sure this information was volunteered.”

“Mom, you didn’t say anything…we just got here…”

“Sho-chan. I just wanted you to know that. I didn’t say anything. I would never say anything.”

He groans, shutting his eyes and leaning more into the chair. 

“But Jun-kun is single,” Yukie says again before digging in her beach bag for a book. 

She doesn’t say another word.

/ / / / /

Sho’s fairly certain that his mother knew he was gay before he ever figured it out. 

After all, she’d spent most of her adult life hiding her own truth. Her hospital stays, the weeks away from her children…they’d been some of the worst weeks of her life. And yet it had been hidden from Sho, from Maya and Sou, for years upon years.

He went out with his fair share of girls in high school, kissed a few, if only because it was what the other guys did. It wasn’t until his first year of university that he came to terms with what he really felt, what he really preferred. With his father’s job, the Sakurai family floated in some elite circles. Gossip could hurt their family, so Sho kept his personal life personal. 

He’s never been ashamed of who he is, but he’s never wanted to cause problems for his parents either. He was a rebellious enough kid. He and a friend dyed their hair in his last year of junior high, and when he came home with a bright orange head, he was grounded. He followed that up with a devotion to loud hip-hop music, to slamming doors when he was pissed off. He would have gotten his belly button pierced in high school if Maya hadn’t ratted him out. But none of those things really had the potential to cause the Sakurai family any lasting damage.

It wasn’t until he was almost thirty that he spoke with his mother about it. About the reasons why he never brought anyone to family functions, about why he kept it all to himself. The last thing he wanted was for it to be yet another thing his mother would have anxiety about - her son who will never be able to marry the person he loves, to walk hand-in-hand with that person in public without worry or fear.

But instead Yukie had embraced him, had treated him no differently. She had been the one to sit by his side when he came out to Maya and Sou. She had sat by his side when he came out to his father, holding Sho’s hand and daring her husband to find any fault with the situation. Like most things his father finds unpleasant to discuss, Sho’s sexuality has never really been openly talked about in his presence since then. His father has always been civil, even welcoming when Sho’s brought a boyfriend home the last few years. But it’s Yukie who has always supported him most, Yukie who wants him to find a strong and lasting love as much as she wishes it for her other two children.

The problem with that, of course, is that sometimes his mother supports him a little too much.

It’s always been easy for Maya and Sou to find people to date. They need only meet someone at school, at work, on a group date. The process for Sho is a little bit more cumbersome. He’s lost count of how many times his mother has handed him a print-out from some dating site. It’s something she enjoys doing when she’s feeling good, something she has a little control over. Checking boxes, performing searches. 

“How about this one?” Yukie will ask in total seriousness, handing over the results of her detective work. “He’s got a nice smile, how about him?”

She means well, so he’s never told her to stop. He doesn’t have the heart to tell his mother that he’s not attracted to every single man out there just because he’s gay. To be fair, the one time he did pursue one of the men his mother found, he ended up in a two-year relationship. But the way it ended, of course…

He feels a tug on the brim of his hat, waking him from his nap. The sun is no longer overhead, so he’s been out for a while.

They’re still at the beach, still in the chairs, still under the umbrella. Yukie’s looking at him with her usual motherly concern.

“I’ve called Jun-kun,” she says. “He’s coming here shortly and taking me for a walk. Will you come?”

She’s still got on her sunglasses, so he can’t see the craftiness in her eyes. To avoid worrying about her own illness, it seems that she’s putting her energy into trying to work miracles for her son. We have known him a grand total of one day, he wants to tell his mother. You don’t even know if he’s gay, he wants to tell his mother. And even if he is, you don’t know what he’s looking for in a partner, he wants to tell his mother.

I’m not sure I’m ready yet either, he thinks, feeling that uncomfortable flutter in his gut at the thought of opening up again, trying again. Trusting again. It’s been a long year, but sometimes it doesn’t feel long enough yet. That’s the anxiety talking, Ninomiya-sensei would probably say. But Sho’s not his patient. Nor is he in the mood to play along with his mother’s scheme.

“Have a nice walk. I’ll stay here and watch our things.”

He can see her mask her disappointment, but she doesn’t say anything. It’s another fifteen minutes before Matsumoto arrives, wearing the same clothes from earlier but with his baseball cap and sunglasses from the day before. He looks like a movie star, the type who might have an entourage, the kind of person who might have paparazzi following him. Gay or straight, Sho has a hard time imagining the two of them having much in common as friends, much less as something more.

“How’s the water today?” Matsumoto asks, holding his sandals in his hands, bare feet disappearing in the sand.

“Only Sho-chan’s gone in so far,” Yukie says, “but I finished a book.”

“Way to go,” Matsumoto says before looking over at Sho. “You coming?”

“Gotta save my energy in case I go surfing with Nagase-san tomorrow,” he says, knowing there’s at least an ounce of truth to it. 

“You’re missing out. We’re going to see the camels.”

“The camels?”

Matsumoto brings his finger to his lips. In doing so, Sho notices for the first time that he has a dark beauty mark just beneath his lips.

“The camels are a secret,” Matsumoto says in a mysterious voice.

“The camels are a secret,” Sho repeats, trying not to laugh. “Have fun, Mom.”

He lets them walk off, pulling his cap back down over his eyes. He tries (and fails) to forget that adorable mark on his host’s face. He tries (and fails) to ignore how curious he is about what other ones might dot the rest of his skin. Sho’s brain is often betting against him, working for the enemy faction, deliberately causing him trouble. His imagination runs wild the more he tries to rein it in. What might be under that gaudy Hawaiian shirt? What might be inside those swim trunks? 

“I’m doomed,” he grumbles to himself, leaving his shirt and cap behind on the chair and stomping off to plunge himself into the cool water.

/ / / / /

They go back to the house instead of coming back to get him, so Sho makes two trips hauling the umbrella, the chairs, and the two beach bags. He receives zero sympathy upon entering the house, finding Nagase-san in the kitchenette singing along to a portable radio. He’s got out a deck of cards, is playing solitaire in the cool breeze wafting through the house.

“Sho-san, welcome back.”

“How were the waves today?”

“Decent,” his fellow houseguest notes, slapping down a jack on one of the piles. “You coming tomorrow?”

“I think so.”

Nagase looks up, grinning. “It’s gonna be great.”

Sho thinks he’ll end up coughing up water most of the day, but he nods to be agreeable. “Seen my mother?”

“Upstairs having a nap.”

Then why is your music so loud, Sho almost asks before Nagase holds up a hand.

“I tried to turn it down,” Nagase says in his own defense, “but she said to leave it.”

He sighs. His mother only says those things to make other people happy. She often agrees to things she doesn’t like or want to do, if only to not cause trouble for others. But Sho doesn’t feel the need to explain that to Nagase, who has already gone back to singing along with the local rock station. His mother is trying her hardest on this vacation to be happy, and she’d be upset with Sho if he said or did anything that would make others treat her differently.

When he returns to his room he finds that his bed has been made, but he can tell that the sheets are the same. He smiles, knowing that Matsumoto at least registered his complaints. None of his stuff has been moved, and he finds fresh towels resting in a pile at the foot of the bed. He goes back downstairs and has a shower, Nagase’s music filtering under the door while he washes the ocean out of his hair.

Changing into clean clothes, he emerges to find Matsumoto Jun waiting for him in the kitchenette. Nagase is still playing cards against himself, but the music is far quieter. He’s not sure which of the men was responsible for it though.

Matsumoto is wearing that familiar, teasing smile. “Your mom said to show you the camels.”

He’s confused. Yet again. “What? Now?”

“She said if she showed you the pictures she took that you’d want to go immediately. You free now?”

“I was going to take a walk.”

“Then let me join you.”

Sho agrees, thankfully not stumbling over his words. It’s nearly 5:00 PM when he comes back down the stairs with his favorite worn-in sneakers in tow. He puts them on in the genkan and follows Matsumoto outside.

It’s just the two of them as they head back to the street that runs along the length of the beach. They go a few blocks before Sho finally says something.

“I’m not going to ride a camel if that’s what this camel thing is all about.”

Matsumoto chuckles. “No, no, it’s nothing as exciting as all that.”

“And yet here we are, walking to see it. Is it a camel petting zoo?”

“Nope.”

“Is it a giant camel? A larger-than-life camel?” 

“I’m afraid not.”

Sho doesn’t have anything against camels, per se, but he’s never really had much interest in them as a member of the animal kingdom. He suspects that Yukie has used this mainly as an excuse to get the two of them talking. Barely twenty-four hours on the Chiba coast, and his mother’s hoping to play matchmaker.

But it’s not like Sho can turn to his host and say, “hey, my mom says you’re single. Want a blow job?”

Matsumoto interrupts his dark, perverted thoughts. “What’s so funny?”

Sho scratches the back of his neck, turning red. He realizes that he’s not doing a very good job hiding his feelings. 

Sho knows that he’s good at speaking. He can strike up a conversation with just about anyone, doesn’t mind meeting new people. He’s never been shy. 

The exception? 

People he’s insanely attracted to.

“Just…just imagining larger-than-life camels descending on Chiba.”

Matsumoto laughs. “I feel like I have really hyped up this experience, and for that I’m really sorry, Sho-san.”

They make it to “the camels” a few minutes later, and Sho can’t help but laugh. Carrying their sneakers and socks, they walk to a raised dune in the middle of the beach. They’re just bronze statues, turned green with age. Not real camels. Not camels-set-for-petting. Nor are they preparing to attack Chiba. It’s just two camels. A bronze man sitting on the first bronze camel and a bronze woman on the second, both of them dressed for the desert sands of the Middle East.

“The Desert of the Moon,” Matsumoto announces, gesturing with all the precision and enthusiasm of a licensed tour guide. “Onjuku’s best attraction. Well, aside from the beach. You’ll find pictures of these camels all over town. It’s even on the sign at the train station.”

He shakes his head. “And my mother thinks I’d want to see this.”

“I don’t know,” Matsumoto teases, “you can still pet them. I can turn around if you don’t want me to look.”

He rolls his eyes. “Ha ha.”

“I guess there was some children’s song about it, and they put the statues here. I’m not an Onjuku native, so maybe Ohno-kun would know more.”

Sho takes that in. So Matsumoto Jun runs a guest house here, but he’s not from Onjuku. If Sho was having a normal conversation with a stranger, a conversation with someone whose moles and beauty marks he’s not interested in cataloguing with his eyes and maybe his tongue, he might easily ask where he’s from. He might easily learn more about his host. 

Instead he walks up, pulling his phone from his pocket. But before he can snap a photo, he feels a firm, warm hand on his shoulder.

“You’re not going to get a good selfie at this distance,” Matsumoto chides him. Sho turns around, and Matsumoto’s not shy. He snatches the phone out of Sho’s hand and steps back. “Let me take some for you.”

Sho decides to play along. Matsumoto Jun might be straight. Matsumoto Jun might be gay. Matsumoto Jun might be a sexy alien sent to Earth from an alternate dimension, so what does it matter? It’s been a long time since Sho has dated anyone, much less hung out with someone he’s attracted to, so why not play along and enjoy their time alone. All that’s waiting for him back in Tokyo is work and an empty apartment, an equally empty dating calendar.

Once Matsumoto’s aiming the phone camera at him, Sho poses, resting a hand on the camel’s neck and smiling like a kid.

“Very nice,” Matsumoto says, the phone shutter going off a handful of times. “Keep it up.”

Sho ends up acting completely foolish, standing behind the camel’s ass and pretending to smell something foul. He sits cross-legged underneath the camel. He makes a kissy face up at the woman, and Matsumoto Jun is laughing the whole time, snapping photos.

“I think your mother will treasure these,” he admits, still laughing. It’s true enough.

Finally, a family with two little kids comes wandering over, and Sho’s silly photoshoot comes to an abrupt end. He walks over, taking his phone back. He looks through, sees that Matsumoto’s taken nearly fifty pictures.

“You didn’t have to take so many,” Sho mumbles.

“You’re a natural,” Matsumoto teases in reply. “The best camel and human shoot I think I’ve ever done for one of my guests.”

They linger for a while longer, Matsumoto volunteering to take photos of the whole family while they pose a bit more respectfully in front of Onjuku’s allegedly famous camels. When the family leaves, Sho’s just about to gather up the courage to ask if they should grab something to eat before heading back to the guest house.

Instead Matsumoto has another plan. “I need to grab a few things at the convenience store. If you wanted to go see the neighborhood shrines around here, I’m happy to point you in the right direction.”

Telling Matsumoto that he’d love to run boring errands with him instead would be strange, so Sho swallows down his disappointment. “Sure, whatever you recommend.”

After he receives thorough directions, they part ways. He makes it back to the street, tugging his socks and sneakers back on after using the foot wash. The shrines aren’t too different from any others Sho has visited in his life, and he refrains from praying for Matsumoto Jun to be less handsome, if only so he can carry on a normal conversation with him.

His mother has heated up leftovers in the kitchenette by the time he gets back, and he chats with her about the camels. He makes no effort to hide his nervousness, his disappointment in the abrupt end to his beachfront walk with their host. His demeanor is enough to keep his mother from asking any questions. They eat quietly, and he volunteers to clean up while Yukie heads off to call Maya and check in with her.

Sho lies in bed later that night, staring at his phone. Staring at the silly photos of himself standing in front of the Onjuku camels. And wondering if forty-eight enthusiastically-taken photos means something…or nothing.

/ / / / /

Miraculously, Sho doesn’t drown the following day. It’s been many years since he’s done anything more than swim in the ocean, so he sticks to the smaller waves, riding one of the shortboards Nagase-san was happy to lend him. Nagase himself, already a tall guy, is riding a longboard that’s twice his height.

It’s nice and almost soothing for Sho’s mind, focusing entirely on paddling out, waiting for the next wave to arrive. A little further down, Nagase hops on his board like a pro, letting out whoops and cheers as he dares and dares against each wave. Sho’s arms tire, and he takes breaks, drying off his hands so he can take photos of Nagase, of some of the other surfers dotting the shoreline.

After his speaking struggles the last few nights, Sho is almost grateful to have Nagase as a companion. He’s a handsome-enough guy, but not Sho’s type. Conversation between them flows easily. Nagase likes dirty jokes. Nagase likes trash talking the other surfers, most of them friends he’s met here in August for years upon years now. They trash talk him right back, their laughter rolling up and down the beach.

Nagase could probably spend his entire life in the water, but after several hours, he finally seems to tire. They have more onigiri that Yukie’s made, but Nagase shakes his head. “I need meat,” the man says decisively. “No offense to your mother, but I feel like I could eat an entire cow right now.”

Better a cow than one of the camels, Sho thinks. They leave the boards where they are. Even though Sho has the impression that Nagase’s surfboard collection isn’t cheap, his friends are trustworthy and will keep an eye on things. In their dripping-wet trunks they take only their wallets, heading further down the beach. It doesn’t take long before Sho can smell the place, and his mouth waters.

It’s a beach barbecue, or at least it smells like it, the air perfumed with the scents of grilled meat, vegetables, and seafood. It’s a large tent connected to the back of a restaurant. The tent is full of grills and smokers, a makeshift counter-top running along three sides. Some people are walking away with skewers or takeaway bags while others are dining right at the counter. There’s an ordering area on one side, and even though it’s the middle of the afternoon and long past lunch, there’s still a steady line of customers.

_Triple Kitchen_ , the sign hanging from the white canvas tent proclaims. _Land and Sea, Grilled for You!_ As they move closer to the front of the line, Sho can see there are a bevy of young people working, college-aged perhaps. There are cheerful young women in Triple Kitchen crop tops and shorts bringing food to the customers at the counter, noisy young men working all of the smoky charcoal grills.

The name of the place sounds familiar, and finally Sho remembers. Matsumoto had mentioned the place on the phone. From the smell of the place, no wonder he had recommended it. Sho can hear the man working the cash register before he sees him, a boisterous bellowing voice as he turns and calls out the orders to the workers at the grills behind him. They chant back the order to their boss in an entertaining shout, and despite all the noise, nobody at the counter seems bothered. In fact, the noisy workers seem to be just another part of the fun.

“We’ve got two hot dogs and a lobster tail!” the man shouts.

“Hot dog, hot dog, tail! Coming right up!” comes the reply from one of the grills. Despite all the shouting, it’s not actually as chaotic as it seems.

Sho can finally read the menu. Every single thing on it sounds good. Chicken skewers, pork skewers, beef skewers, veggie skewers. Burgers and dogs. Veggie burgers and veggie dogs. Chicken sandwiches, fish sandwiches. Grilled lobster tails. Grilled shrimp. And then Sho groans in happiness.

He looks up at Nagase. “Have you had the grilled clam platter?”

Nagase pats his shoulder, nodding. “Everything here is good. Everything, I swear. You’ll love it, get it. You gotta get it.”

Eventually they make it to the front of the line. It seems Nagase knows the owner, because the guy is already calling out an order before Nagase says a word. “That’s one of every skewer, and I’ll need them crazy!”

“Crazy chicken, crazy pork, crazy beef, crazy shrimp, crazy veg! Coming right up!”

Nagase steps aside, digging around for cash as the owner hands him a can of beer from a refrigerator beneath the counter beside him. Now that he’s not blocking the way, Sho gets his first full-on view of the man running Triple Kitchen like a noisy, but well-oiled machine.

And he’s absolutely gorgeous. He’s wearing the Triple Kitchen crop top in solidarity with his female employees, showing off a set of abs that makes Sho take a breath in appreciation. He’s perfectly tanned, tall and slim with a big smile to match his big, loud voice. He’s got dyed brown hair stuffed under a red and black Chiba Jets hat, although Sho’s never heard of such a team before.

“Hey, what can I get for you today?”

Nagase leans against the counter, tapping his finger. “This guy also gets the Hidamari Guest House discount.”

Cash Register Guy looks back at Sho, smiling even bigger, an achievement Sho hadn’t realized was possible. He’s never seen another human with such perfect teeth. “Another one of Matsujun’s guests! He’s gonna put me out of business.”

“You know that’s a lie,” Nagase jokes.

Cash Register Guy holds out his hand. “Aiba Masaki, welcome to Onjuku!”

“Sakurai Sho, I’ve been told your clam platter is good.”

Aiba-san looks proud. “It’s the best you’ll find along the coast, and if you don’t agree, your next meal is on me.”

“Hey,” someone calls out a few spots back in line. “Stop jabbering! Your customer service sucks!”

To Sho’s surprise, this makes Aiba-san even happier. Sho barely has time to dodge out of the way as Aiba’s finger points out at the person harassing him. “Yokoyama, just for that, you’re getting the extra spicy dip with your shrimp!”

“I hate you!” comes the reply, and many of the people in line and within the tent laugh. Apparently Triple Kitchen’s proprietor has an odd rapport with some of his customers.

Aiba’s voice returns to a slightly more normal volume. “Sorry about that, Sho-chan. Can I get you anything else with that platter?”

Sho-chan?! He’s known the guy maybe two minutes. But he goes along with it.

“I’ll take a beer.”

“You got it.” Aiba provides Sho with a price, far cheaper than expected. Perhaps it’s the Hidamari Guest House discount. As Sho digs around for coins, Aiba’s voice is back to its loudest volume. “Clam special and a big pint!”

“One big clam and a pint of happy, coming right up!”

Aiba nods his head, giving Sho his change without missing a beat. “Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy!”

And then Nagase’s tugging him along, away from the ridiculously handsome guy at the register and down to one of the few remaining open spots at the counter. The noise really does add to the experience, Aiba’s shouts and the echoed replies in whatever strange menu shorthand Triple Kitchen has. Everything smells delicious, and Sho nearly bursts into tears when a smiling server brings over his and Nagase’s food. His first bite of clam is absolutely perfect.

Nagase laughs at him, nibbling on one of his skewers. Each of them is covered in a spicy-looking burst of colored seasonings. Presumably the “crazy” part of the skewer.

They finish their food, and Sho’s the happiest he’s been since they’ve arrived, belly full. Given the extensive menu, he might spend every day at Triple Kitchen if he can, especially if the owner is manning the register.

Once their food settles, the surfing continues for a little while longer until Sho is exhausted. Nagase decides to stay with his friends, and Sho totes the shortboard back to the house. He finds Matsumoto there in the yard, watering the flowers he’s planted in neat little pots and planters around the house.

“Mind unlocking the shed for me?”

Matsumoto turns, looking him up and down very quickly, and Sho thinks the sun’s playing tricks on him. Because otherwise it means that Matsumoto Jun just checked him out.

Definitely the sun.

“Of course, no problem.” There’s no nervousness in Matsumoto’s voice, so maybe Sho’s red swim trunks are just an eyesore. Maybe Matsumoto’s not that impressed with how Sho’s arms look in the tank top he’s wearing.

He locks the board up in the shed for Nagase to find later, and he sits on the back steps, watching as Matsumoto continues to methodically tend to his plants. “I met your friend,” Sho says, brushing his finally-dry hair out of his eyes.

“I have a lot of friends,” Matsumoto replies, setting down his watering can. He lifts the cap from his head, wiping a bit of sweat from his brow before putting it back on.

“Nagase-san and I had lunch at Triple Kitchen. Met your friend Aiba-san.”

Sho is surprised when Matsumoto immediately looks away, picking up the watering can and dumping the remainder in the grass. “Great. They’ve got a lot of good stuff there.” 

“They do. I tried the clam platter. Really…really delicious,” Sho continues, confused by Matsumoto’s reaction. He watches him unlock the shed once again to put away the watering can. Each gesture is a bit rough - yanking the keys from the pocket of his shorts, undoing the lock, tugging the stubborn door open. 

What’s happened to the Matsumoto Jun of the last two days? Even groggy in the morning, there was an elegance, a sophistication to every move, every gesture. If Sho didn’t know any better, he’d say that Matsumoto has suddenly grown extremely angry, even if it’s not visible in his face.

Sho is pretty sure that Matsumoto had mentioned Triple Kitchen on their phone call last week. Why would he recommend the place if there was something about it that bothered him?

“Owner guy’s a bit strange, huh?” Sho says, unable to keep from talking. He doesn’t want his mother to see their host like this. Matsumoto’s still in the shed, putting the watering can away. “I didn’t even order my food, and he was already calling me ‘Sho-chan.’” 

Matsumoto comes back out, and Sho’s startled by how tense he’s gotten. There’s a tightness in his shoulders. His movements are slow as he locks the shed up again. His voice is cold. “He’s a friendly guy, Aiba-san.”

“He was kind enough to give me the Hidamari Guest House discount, whatever that is. If it’s something you’ve negotiated, thank you very much.”

“I didn’t negotiate anything,” Matsumoto snaps, and finally Sho shuts his trap.

What has he said? What has he done? There’s a very different man standing in the yard now, stalking through the grass, searching for the occasional weed and yanking them up with his bare hands, foregoing gardening gloves that might make the task easier on his skin.

Sho gets to his feet. Something he’s said has put his host in a sour mood. Triple Kitchen? Aiba-san? He doesn’t know. But he’s fucked up, and he feels rotten about it.

“Nagase-san said he’s staying at the beach with his friends a while longer. Not too sure when he’ll be getting back.” Sho stands there on the steps awkwardly, watching Matsumoto prowl around for weeds. “As for me…as for me, I’m going to clean up. Was a good day out there.”

Matsumoto doesn’t respond.

“Okay. Well, have a good…afternoon.”

He goes into the house, hoping he hasn’t screwed things up with his host entirely.

/ / / / /

The next morning, the rain arrives. It comes early, and Sho can’t help sleeping in. The kitchenette is empty when he heads downstairs to use the toilet, and he frowns. There’s no food wrapped up and waiting. The clock on the wall reads 10:47 AM, and his mother has clearly not come down yet.

He makes some toast, some coffee, wondering if anyone upstairs or anyone behind the other door will come in to have any. The minutes tick by, the rain pours outside, and Sho finishes his sad breakfast alone.

He climbs the stairs. He can hear the soft sounds of Nagase’s portable radio on the other side of his door. In case of rain, he and his surfing friends were planning to drive inland, meet up with some other people for a meal. He’s likely waiting for someone to come pick him up.

He heads to his mother’s door, putting his ear to it. He can’t hear anything, so he knocks softly. Waits. He knocks again. Waits.

“Mom,” he says, “Mom, is it alright if I come in?”

He softly turns the handle, just to see if it’s unlocked. Thankfully, it is.

“Mom, it’s me,” he announces, closing his eyes as he turns the handle and heads in, just in case she hasn’t gotten dressed yet. “Mom, you up?”

He cracks an eye open, seeing the Yukie-shaped lump in the bed. She’s breathing, and he can see her chest rise and fall. He closes the door, but not before hanging the ‘Do Not Disturb’ tag on the handle. He frowns, softly moving across the room to the chest of drawers. He finds the pill organizer, sees that she’s taken everything properly except for this morning’s pills. Her planner is beside the vase of flowers, and he opens it, sees that she didn’t make any entry the evening before except noting that she took her pills.

Sho turns, looks back at the bed. Rattling her pills around has woken her, and she’s watching him with tired eyes. He moves back, sitting on the mattress.

“Hi Mom, how are you?”

“I was better yesterday,” she says quietly, and a little of the dullness has crept back into her eyes. Not the dullness he saw that day at the supermarket, she hasn’t gone down that much, but she’s noticeably different this morning. The sunshine has gone, and perhaps with it has gone the optimism that started their trip here.

“Can I get you a glass of water? Then we can get your morning pills taken care of.”

“I know I have to take them,” she admits, blanket curled around her slim form. “I know.”

“Well, I’m here,” he says softly. “Let me get a glass.”

He gets up, checks in the bathroom and finds a glass near the sink that she’s been using already. He fills it and comes back, dumping out the pills into his palm and going back to her. 

“I don’t feel like lifting my head just yet,” she says, and he nods, setting the glass on the nightstand and the pills as well.

“That’s okay. I’ll sit with you a while.”

She shifts a little, clearly upset with herself. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Mom.”

“Jun-kun was going to make dinner tonight. Satoshi-kun was going to come by.”

Sho tries to smile. “That’s hours and hours away. Plenty of time for you to rest and relax until then.”

“Maybe I’ll be hungry then,” she says, looking for something positive to say. “Not sure if I’ll be much use in the kitchen.”

“Matsumoto-san seems to enjoy cooking. There’s no harm in letting him do the work.”

“We didn’t get to chat a lot yesterday. Please tell him I’m sorry about that.”

When his mother is sinking back under the waves, even the slightest bit, every other word out of her mouth is an apology. Sometimes they’re light apologies, like this one. And when things get really bad, she starts apologizing for being alive. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem like his mother is likely to be saying anything like that this morning.

She’s just in need of quiet and calm, so Sho gets a bit more comfortable, sitting there and talking. He decides not to talk about his awkward encounter the day before with Matsumoto. Instead he talks a bit about the book he’s reading. It’s something his father recommended, so she seems to perk up a bit. He told her about surfing yesterday, so when his book chatter runs out of steam, he shares about work. She likes to hear about his students, especially the overachievers. She likes to cheer them on from a distance.

He sits there for maybe half an hour before Yukie turns a little. “Maybe I’ll sit up.”

He gets off the bed so she can move more easily under the blanket. He helps her to sit up, getting a pillow behind her. Her eyes are wet, but her tears don’t spill out.

“I’m sorry, Sho-chan.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” he says, moving to her glass. “I can get you some cold water if you’d prefer.”

“It’s fine, don’t trouble yourself on my account,” she replies. 

He hands her the pills one by one, watches her swallow them down with the lukewarm water. “Would you like me to call Ninomiya-sensei?” he asks once she’s taken them all. “Would you like to chat with him?”

“He told me that it’ll be a week or two before we’ll know that the new dosages are effective. I don’t want to be a bother to him when he probably has people who need him more.”

It aches when she speaks this way. It aches because no matter what Sho says, Yukie will believe that what she’s saying is true. That she doesn’t matter as much as anyone else. That she is troublesome, a burden.

“I might give him a call, just to update him. If that’s alright.”

She nods. “If you do, please give him my regards. And Tomoko-san as well.” Ninomiya’s sweet receptionist.

“Of course I will.” He sits down again, wishing he knew how to fix things. He’s seen her worse, far far worse, but knowing the woman she can be when she’s healthy and seeing the woman she is when she’s not…it just feels like the universe is cruel.

“If I rest,” she says, “I will probably feel better in time for dinner.”

“Okay,” he agrees. “I put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door, so Matsumoto-san will not come in. Do you need anything? Towels? Sheets? Anything? I’m happy to ask him for whatever you might need.”

She smiles weakly. “Tell him I’m sorry about that. I know he prefers to clean in the morning once he’s had his coffee.”

“He has other rooms to clean,” Sho assures her. “He might appreciate the little break.”

“He’s a good boy, just like you.”

“Neither of us are boys any longer, Mom,” he says, embarrassed. “We’re in our thirties.”

She reaches out her hand, strokes along his cheek. “You’re so good to me. You’re always so good.”

“I want you to be well. I want you to be happy.”

“Complain all you like, but you’ll always be my boy. Sou-chan too. No matter how old you get.”

Sho decides not to remind his mother that his baby brother is a full thirteen years younger than him, has only been an adult a few years. But maybe his mother’s words will seem more sensible when he’s her age.

“I’ll let you rest then. But if you need anything…”

“Go,” she says, her hand dropping away from his face, blinking back tears. “Go. Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry at all. I’ve had my pills. I’m doing my best.”

“You always do your best. I’m proud of you.”

She smiles again. “I’m sorry to ruin your vacation.”

He has nothing to say that will change what she thinks, so he leans forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead and gets up. He goes out into the hall, closing the door behind him, letting out an exhausted sigh.

He can see Matsumoto Jun at the end of the hall, and he straightens up, walks away from his mother’s door. They haven’t spoken since yesterday, since the strangeness in the yard. There’s no anger in Matsumoto’s face today, and he stays where he is near the top of the stairs, letting Sho approach him so they can talk without disturbing Yukie.

“Is everything alright?”

“It’s a slower morning,” Sho admits, hating himself for finding another beauty mark as he stares, a pair of them. One above Matsumoto’s lip, one on the lip itself. That’s three now, in that glorious general vicinity. 

“You put the door tag out. I won’t bother her, I promise,” Matsumoto says, eyes utterly serious. They’re both quiet for a moment before Matsumoto speaks again. “I’m sorry, Sho-san.”

He shakes his head. “She’s on new medication. Well, mostly the same, some changes in dosages. Ninomiya-sensei said it might take a week or two for her to readjust. If she’s not feeling better then, I suppose that’s when I’ll have cause to worry about her. Today’s just a low day after a rather steady chain of higher ones.”

“I see,” Matsumoto replies. “Does she need anything? I can make her a lunch tray, can bring it up here and if she’d prefer, you can bring it in…”

“She usually doesn’t have much of an appetite,” Sho admits. “I’m sure she’ll bounce back soon.”

“Anything I can do. Anything at all. Please don’t hesitate to ask.”

He looks up, looking past the dark frames of his glasses and meeting Matsumoto’s soft brown eyes straight on. He forgets the moles, forgets everything else. He wants to ask what he did to upset him yesterday. He wants to ask, wants to know so that he doesn’t offend the man again. He wants to earn his trust after all he’s done to easily earn Sho’s. Maybe he also wants the teasing Matsumoto back, the man who took his photo, the man who called him Sleeping Beauty.

“Thank you,” he says instead. “Thank you very much for being so considerate to my family.”

“Of course.” Their eyes hold for a few moments more, but Sho eventually can’t handle it any longer.

Sho clears his throat. “Has Nagase-san already headed off?”

“Yes, his friends came just a while ago. I was coming up to tidy your rooms.”

“You don’t have to…”

Matsumoto steps away from the stairwell, walking quietly down the hall. He walks all the way to Sho’s door, poking at the handle. There’s no ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign to be found, and he sighs noisily.

“Do I still have time to put the sign out?”

“I’m afraid not,” Matsumoto teases, though with a bit less bite than usual. “Hidamari Guest House policy says I’m going in.”

“Don’t change the sheets,” Sho complains.

Matsumoto shakes his head. “You’ve already been here three nights. Hidamari Guest House policy also states that sheets get changed automatically on day four.” He’s got a quirk to his perfect mouth when he speaks again. “Who doesn’t like clean sheets?”

He raises his hands in frustration. “Do what you want.”

Matsumoto’s soft laugh follows him down the first few stairs, and Sho contents himself with some TV while he hears Matsumoto diligently cleaning, dusting, and vacuuming upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s a quiet night in the kitchenette, just the three of them. Matsumoto Jun. Sakurai Sho. Ohno Satoshi. Matsumoto serves them veggie and shrimp tempura, and the room is full of the scent of cooking oil, the beers they drink.

Nagase will be back just before curfew. Yukie has not gotten up the rest of the day. While Matsumoto made dinner, Sho sequestered himself in the living room, calling Ninomiya.

It was after office hours, but he answered on the second ring. He spent most of the call reassuring Sho that Yukie needed time. “She’s still coming out of that fog from a few weeks back. That she’s there, that she’s been cooking and reading and beachgoing the last few days is good news,” Ninomiya had said, his voice light and soothing. “She’s doing fine, Sho-san. You have to give her time.”

The call ended with a request from the doctor. If Yukie’s condition stays down for three days straight, even with her usual pill-taking, Sho is to call him back. If things are really horrible, Ninomiya has vowed to come in person. But it may only be a matter of Sho driving to the Onjuku pharmacy where Ninomiya will fax an updated prescription, an adjustment to Yukie’s existing pill regimen. But that’s only if she stays down for three days straight.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing. Let her decide what she wants to do. Whether it’s cooking or swimming or sleeping the whole day. Every decision she makes should be her own. That control needs to be hers.”

Ohno arrived just after Sho’s call, and the fisherman’s face falls when he hears that Yukie is not feeling well. He doesn’t pry, doesn’t ask any questions. “Thank her again for me,” Ohno says softly, “thank her again for going out of her way to cook the other night.”

It’s still raining while they eat, the crunch of the tempura batter matching the splatter of raindrops against the windows of the guest house. “Matsujun,” Ohno finally says when he comes back to the table with a third can of beer. “Whatcha reading now?”

Matsumoto scowls a bit. “Like you really care.”

“I do care,” Ohno insists, although there’s a bit of a smartass tone to his voice. He looks to Sho, barely holding in a derisive snicker. “This guy here…this guy is very impressive, Sho-san.”

“What do you mean impressive?”

Matsumoto shakes his head, biting into a piece of broccoli.

Ohno sits back a little in his chair, cracking open the beer can. “I don’t read much beyond my fishing magazines, but this guy reads all the classics. The stuff they made us learn about in school.”

Sho can’t help being interested. Despite the many conversations they’ve had, there’s still so little he knows about his host. “Nothing wrong with reading the classics.”

“He’s reading the _Kojiki_!” Ohno says, voice amazed. “He’s reading it for _fun_.”

Sho looks over, sees that Matsumoto’s ears are turning a little red. He’s not sure what’s so scandalous (or humorous) about reading one of the most historic and important pieces of writing their country has ever produced, but Sho does have to admit to himself that Matsumoto Jun doesn’t exactly look like the type of person who’d read something like that. At least not as part of one’s relaxing summer reading. 

“It’s interesting,” Matsumoto says in his defense. “Slow going, but interesting.”

“Well good for you, Matsumoto-san,” Sho praises him. “My colleagues at work, the literature teachers at least, would be happy to know that people will read it even if they’re not forced to take a test about it.”

Ohno laughs, sipping his beer. “The _Kojiki_.”

“What about you, Sho-san? I saw that stack of books in your room,” Matsumoto asks.

“Nothing so high-brow for me, at least not on vacation. Mystery novels for me, the sillier the better.”

“If you change your mind,” Ohno jokes, “just sneak through that door and go to Matsujun’s bookcase. I’m sure he’s got an abbreviated version of the _Shoku Nihongi_ if you’re looking for something a bit lighter.”

“I make you dinner, and this is the respect I’m shown,” Matsumoto snaps back, giving Ohno what seems to be a practiced glare.

Ohno laps it up, giggling before having another bite of food. “What was it Aiba-chan was saying the other week, about you being born in the wrong century?”

Matsumoto’s expression shifts, and Sho has a feeling that the “Aiba-chan” Ohno’s talking about is the same Aiba Masaki who owns Triple Kitchen. Sho watches as Matsumoto all but shuts down, having a long sip from his beer can. So that’s it, Sho realizes. That was what he’d said yesterday that bothered Matsumoto so much. It’s something to do with Aiba Masaki.

But what? Sho had only spoken to him for a few minutes, and the guy had been warm, open, kind. Clearly something had happened in the time between Matsumoto heartily recommending Triple Kitchen on the phone and Sho’s arrival at the Hidamari Guest House. But what? 

“You and Aiba-kun need to stop ganging up on me,” Matsumoto finally says. This time he doesn’t get angry, doesn’t stiffen with fury and discomfort as he had in the yard. 

He just looks sad.

“We love you,” Ohno says, oblivious, “it’s how we prove our love for you.”

Sho watches the exchange carefully, and at the word ‘love’ Sho watches Matsumoto clench and unclench his jaw.

“Don’t stay here too late drinking,” Matsumoto says quietly. “I won’t be held responsible for you falling off your boat in the middle of the night.”

Ohno laughs, clearly not realizing that he’s said something wrong. “Okay, okay.” 

The meal concludes soon after, Matsumoto seemingly forgiving Ohno enough to pack up most of the leftovers for him, sending him off with a hard smack to the ass that has the soft-spoken fisherman letting out a complaining squeal of laughter.

Sho stays quiet, cleaning up the kitchenette as Matsumoto escorts his guest to the door. 

“Careful with the oil,” Matsumoto says when he returns, sees Sho going for the deep fryer that Matsumoto brought in from his own living quarters. “Let me take that, I’ll take care of it.”

“If I follow you,” Sho says, “will I really find all the classics of Japan on your shelves?”

Matsumoto sighs, lifting the fryer gingerly and heading for his rooms. “Get the door, will ya? And I don’t want to hear another teasing word about what I choose to read. Especially not from a teacher.”

Sho obediently crosses the room, hiding a smile as he opens the door. He leaves it open, watches Matsumoto head off down the corridor. There’s not much to see, only a hall with a door to either side. When Matsumoto gets to the end, he hangs a right, presumably heading for wherever his own kitchen is.

If Sho was a far more daring man, he’d follow Matsumoto in. But Sho’s anything but daring, and he returns to scrubbing the splatters of oil and batter from the countertop where the fryer had been sitting, wiping down the table. He almost thinks Matsumoto’s not coming back but he does, lingering in his own doorway, leaning sideways against it.

“Do you want to check with your mother? See if she wants anything?”

He shakes his head, by now washing dishes. “If she didn’t come down, it means she’s not hungry.”

“I know it’s rude to ask,” Matsumoto continues, “but how long has she been like this?”

He turns off the sink, wiping his hands on the dish towel and turning around. He leans back against the sink, and he looks across the room to his host. He looks curious, serious.

“My whole life. Even longer than that. It runs in her family, but it’s really only this generation, well, my mom’s generation, that’s managed to give it a name. To call it what it really is, to acknowledge it, and to treat it.”

“Nino will take good care of her.” Matsumoto’s expression softens. “I mean, I’m sure he is already.”

Sho perks up a little. “Nino?”

“Everyone in school called him that.” 

It sounds almost fitting, a cute abbreviation. “Well, he’s an excellent doctor. And a kind man.”

“That he is,” Matsumoto agrees.

Sho simply can’t keep himself from mentioning it. “Though he did say something about a nickname of yours.”

Matsumoto takes off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Oh, here it comes.”

“Junnosuke,” Sho says, unable to keep from teasing. “Is it true?”

He nods. “Yeah. Yeah, what an idiot I was. Junnosuke.” He laughs bitterly, putting his glasses back on. “What a weird kid.”

“Weird maybe,” Sho replies, “but interesting, too, I’m sure. You seem to have a lot of nicknames, Matsumoto-san.”

“I only had them call me Junnosuke because some of them started calling me ‘King.’” There’s an odd undertone of pride in Matsumoto’s voice, and Sho can’t help smiling.

“King? That’s a hefty thing to live up to. And here I am, thirty-five years of Sho-san, Sho-kun, and Sho-chan.” He laughs. “Nothing king-like about me. There were a few people who called me ‘SakuSho’ but nothing so grand as ‘King’ or ‘Junnosuke.’”

“Would you prefer it if I called you ‘SakuSho’?” Matsumoto teases, grinning.

He rolls his eyes, turning back to the sink full of dirty dishes. “Only if I get to call you Junnosuke.”

“I’ll pass.”

Matsumoto approaches, taking up the dish towel. Together they wash and dry in companionable silence as the rain falls outside.

When they finish, Matsumoto wishes him a good night, heads back for his own rooms. Presumably to get back to his difficult reading.

“How about Matsujun then?”

Matsumoto turns, eyeing him suspiciously. “Hmm?”

“I…I feel like it suits you best. Of all the ones I’ve heard so far.”

He receives a nod. “Then go for it.”

“Good night, Matsujun,” Sho says, trying it out.

“Good night, Sho-san.”

/ / / / / 

Yukie is not back to 100 percent the next day, but she does make it out of bed. Nagase is leaving in the afternoon, and she wants to watch him surf. Jun sleeps late, so they leave a note for him on the table and head to the beach. They rent beach chairs so they don’t have to wake him, force him to open the shed. Sho suspects he’ll be angry about that later, but Yukie is insistent on leaving their host alone to rest.

Their time at the beach is subdued, but his mother watches the surfers, Nagase among them, with a soft smile on her face. The house will be much quieter without him, but Maya and her fiance Daisuke are coming up in three days and will stay for three before heading back to Wakayama. Sho will only get to annoy his sister for one of those days, as he’ll be heading back to Tokyo for a teacher meeting. By the time he returns, all he’ll be doing is driving her to the train station for her long journey home.

Already, Sho can’t help dreading the long drive back to Tokyo. His small apartment, the Tokyo noise and crowds. His mother will surely be happier with Maya around after a few months apart, so he’s not concerned about leaving them behind. But it’s barely been a week at the Hidamari Guest House, and Sho knows he’ll miss Matsumoto Jun, his thick glasses, the shape of his broad chest and strong arms in his t-shirts.

When Nagase finally emerges from the water, he hurries over to them with a smile. There’s another hour before he has to pack up and go, and he insists that there’s no way he’s going to leave Onjuku without one last lunch at Triple Kitchen.

Yukie, who had barely eaten that morning, allows Nagase’s energy to pull her along. They return their chairs to the rental booth, pick up their beach bags, and Nagase brings his board with. He leaves it in a rack with others, and they line up at Onjuku Beach’s number one dining attraction.

Sho’s still easily lured in by the smells, by the shouts filling the tent, but he can’t help wondering about the man at the cash register. He’s obviously friends with Jun and Ohno, but what had happened between him and Jun? Sho can’t help but be curious.

Nagase once again orders his array of spicy skewers. Yukie approaches the counter, and Nagase mentions that the Hidamari Guest House discount now extends to a third person. Aiba-san’s smile is genuine and strong as he leans forward to greet Sho’s mother.

“How do you do? My name’s Aiba Masaki. I know it’s a little noisy around here, but feel free to ask about anything on the menu.”

Yukie is instantly charmed. “What is your healthiest menu item?”

“Hmm,” Aiba says, still smiling at her, “we have veggie burgers. Veggie dogs. Any toppings you like, one of the servers can put that together for you. We also have vegetable skewers. I’d say pretty much everything else we make is meat or something that’s going to get dipped in or served with garlic butter.”

Yukie laughs. “I think I’ll take two veggie skewers please.”

“That’ll be two veggie skewers! Easy on the heart attack!” Aiba shouts.

“Two veg, just a glaze, coming right up!”

He lowers his voice again. “You will absolutely love them, and if not, then your meal is on me. Any guest of Matsujun’s is a friend of mine.”

“You’re friends, then? You and Jun-kun?” Yukie says, pulling out some coins. “Do you come to the house often?”

For the first time, Sho sees that Aiba-san’s smile weakens. “Yes. Yes, we’ve known each other a while.”

She pays for her food, not seeming to notice Aiba’s reaction. “When do you close up at night? If you come by this weekend, let me make dinner for everyone. My daughter is coming up here. And then I can make enough for you, Satoshi-kun, Jun-kun…”

“We close at sunset. And you’re very kind to offer,” Aiba says. “Thank you, Yukie-san.”

With that soft dismissal, he turns to Sho, the big smile back. Only Sho seems to realize there’s something a little off about it. “Welcome back, Sho-chan. Another clam platter?”

This time he opts for one of each skewer, the same as Nagase’s order, but without the “crazy.” Nagase has already taken Yukie away from the register to hunt down a spot to eat. This seems to give Aiba courage to ask a question.

“How is Matsujun?” he asks once Sho is ready to pay. “Everything okay?”

“Um, yes. Yeah, as far as I know.” Sho isn’t sure what answer Aiba’s looking for.

“Good. I’m glad. Well. Please enjoy your lunch!”

“Thanks.”

He walks away, joining his mother and Nagase, the three of them soon praising their skewers of grilled goodness. “He seems like a nice man,” Yukie is saying. “This is a very popular spot.”

“Aiba-chan’s a good kid,” Nagase agrees. “He’s got this tent open all summer, unless it’s raining and he has to go inside. The rest of the year, he’s in the regular restaurant. Although it’s a bit of a ghost town around here outside of summer. It’s mostly just him and a line cook when he’s indoors. He’s told me that he makes all his money right now.”

“I feel like I could eat here every day,” Yukie says, turning to Sho. “We’ll bring Maya and Daisuke here. We’ll invite Jun-kun too.”

Sho has a feeling that invite will not go over well, but he nods anyway. “Of course. I’m determined to try everything on the menu before the end of the month.”

“Then that’s settled,” Yukie says, and they finish their meal.

When they arrive back at the house, the downstairs bathroom door is open, the strong scent of household cleaners filling the kitchenette. Nagase hollers that he’s going to finish packing while Sho lingers with the beach bags, watching as his mother goes to stand in the doorway.

“Sorry to interrupt while you’re working,” his mother tells Jun, “but we have returned.”

Sho listens in.

“Welcome back,” Jun says, his voice echoing lightly off the tile. “Did you have an enjoyable time?”

“We ate lunch at the Triple Kitchen. It was delicious!”

“Wonderful,” Jun replies, and Sho is surprised by how strong his voice is. Sho suspects that he doesn’t want to worry Yukie with whatever’s bothering him. “The food there is excellent.”

“I was just thinking, but when my daughter comes, I thought maybe the group of us could go there together. My treat.”

“Yukie-san,” Jun says with some hesitation this time. “I couldn’t possibly…”

“No, please do consider it,” his mother says. “I’d love it if you could join us.”

“Mom,” Sho interrupts, but Yukie is not deterred.

“Jun-kun, I have been here nearly a week, and I have gone to the beach more than you have. Please consider coming to have some fun with us.”

“I will consider it. Thank you, Yukie-san.”

Sho can’t listen to much more, so he leaves the room, desperate to stifle his curiosity even though it’s none of his business. Nagase comes to bid him farewell, and the house grows quiet again.

/ / / / /

It rains the next two days. On the first day, Sho and his mother get in the car, drive down to Katsuura for the morning market. Despite the near-constant showers, the humidity remains, and they spend the rest of the day in the car, simply driving around, enjoying the wet greenery of the Chiba hills with the air conditioning keeping them cool.

Matsumoto is gone in the evening on the first rainy night, out for dinner with some friends further up the coast in Ichinomiya, returning with fresh tomatoes he intends to turn into pasta sauce.

The second rainy day finds Yukie in a more subdued state. She manages to pull herself out of bed by 1:00 in the afternoon, spending most of the day watching soap operas on the living room TV. Once his mother is up and moving, Sho discovers he’s a bit restless, unwilling to stay cooped up in the house.

He can smell whatever Matsumoto’s started cooking in his own kitchen, but he says nothing, simply borrowing one of the house’s umbrellas and heading out. With the sorry state of the weather, the beaches are totally empty. There’s a different feeling to Onjuku, a loneliness Sho can feel all the way to his bones as he walks along the deserted streets.

Somehow, his walk takes him back to Triple Kitchen. He knows that he’s intruding on something that’s absolutely none of his business, and yet like the itch of a mosquito bite, it’s hard to ignore it, put it out of his mind. The tent facing the beach is up but empty, and the restaurant itself faces out to the street. It’s small inside when Sho opens the door, setting off a friendly bell. Three tables, three seats at a counter. It’s nearly 2:00 PM and he’s the only customer, dropping his umbrella in the stand by the door.

The restaurant is simply appointed, the walls adorned with black-and-white photographs of Onjuku Beach. They look eerily similar to the ones hanging in Sho’s room back at the guest house. 

Coming here might have been a big mistake.

Aiba emerges from a swinging door, a smile instantly crossing his face. “Sho-chan, good to see you!”

“Good afternoon to you.”

“Didn’t bring Mom today?”

He has a seat at the counter, shaking his head. “Nah, she had no interest in heading out in the rain.”

“I hope you don’t catch a cold,” Aiba says, standing on the other side of the counter where he’s got bottles of alcohol, a small refrigerator full of canned beer and what look like pre-packaged desserts. 

“I should be alright.”

Aiba reaches down, pulling out a laminated sheet and handing it over. “I’m afraid we have a more abbreviated menu when we’re not outside.”

Sho shrugs. “I’m sure I’ll find something.” 

Unlike the grilled specialties Aiba and his massive crew of young people serve outdoors, the menu indoors is a hodgepodge of odd things. Beef or vegetarian curry. Mapo tofu. A hamburger or cheeseburger Sho assumes will be prepared on a griddle rather than on one of Aiba’s large outdoor charcoal grills. 

But there it is at the bottom of the menu.

“Outside you grill them, inside you steam them, I presume?” he says, pointing to the menu. The item is simply called ‘Clams Inside.’

Aiba grins. “We have a garlic white wine and cream sauce to go with them. You’ll love it.”

“Let’s go for it.”

Instead of the shouting he does outside, Aiba simply heads back through the door. Sho leans forward, looking through to find only one other person is in the kitchen. Aiba tells him in a calm voice to find “the biggest clams we’ve got today.”

He returns behind the counter, dragging over a stool so they can chat. “Anything to drink? I won’t charge you.”

Sho sighs. “I don’t need the guest house discount every time I come here. Let me pay the regular price.”

“You’re my third customer today,” Aiba teases him. “It’s the illustrious Third Customer Discount.”

Aiba won’t give up, and Sho reluctantly accepts a beer. He’s not terribly surprised when Aiba grabs a can for himself too. The entire place has a calm, relaxed vibe, and they sit and drink for a while.

He learns that Aiba’s been running his restaurant here for seven years, taking over from an uncle on his mother’s side. Before that he was a line cook at a restaurant his parents run elsewhere in Chiba. He’s seen competitors come and go as the summers have arrived in Onjuku, but Triple Kitchen is the last one standing.

“And before you ask, no, it’s not because the ladies wear crop tops,” Aiba declares, tapping his beer can against the counter. “It’s all about quality!”

Sho smiles. He tries not to show his disappointment since Aiba is not wearing his cropped tee today, but a regular t-shirt. “I agree with you.”

“Thank you very much.”

Sho explains that he’ll likely be returning tomorrow for dinner, rain or shine, since his sister and her fiance will be coming up from Wakayama. Aiba’s eyes widen with excitement. “Any customers coming from more than three prefectures away get the special Long Distance Discount!”

“Aiba-san…” Sho protests, unable to keep from laughing. How many discounts does this guy have? How does he even stay in business?

“Couple that with the Hidamari Guest House discount and the August Ladies discount, and it looks like your sister eats for free!”

“No, no, my mother will never allow this,” he replies.

“We’ll see about that. Let me go check on your food.”

Aiba heads to the kitchen, and Sho turns on his seat, taking in the photographs hanging on the wall. Unable to stifle his curiosity, he pulls out his phone, scrolling though the camera roll. He’d taken a few pictures of his room, and he isn’t surprised to see that the pictures inside the Triple Kitchen dining room are exactly the same as the ones inside his room (and perhaps other rooms) at the Hidamari Guest House.

So who is the photographer? Aiba Masaki? Or Matsumoto Jun? And what does it really mean?

He doesn’t have the courage to ask when Aiba returns a few minutes later with a massive plate full of clams. The garlic is pungent but perfect, and he doesn’t bother to hide his moan of pleasure after his first bite. Aiba laughs at him.

“Told you the sauce was good.”

“It’s not like I didn’t believe you,” he says, mouth still half-full.

Once Sho’s about halfway through his food, Aiba gets chatty again. “So how long are you staying?”

“Through the end of August. I’m a teacher, it’s my summer break.”

“A teacher!” Aiba looks like he’s about to say something more, but he bites his tongue.

Sho has a sip of beer, confused. “What? What is it?”

Aiba waves his hand in front of his face. “No, no, it’s nothing.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t leave me in suspense.”

Aiba seems a little embarrassed. “I was going to say that Matsujun is probably excited to have a teacher in the house. Since he’s such a scholar lately. But that’s kind of mean. He gets angry when I say things like that.”

“A scholar?”

Aiba looks even more upset with himself. “He’s reading old books. Like historical books and stuff.”

“Ah. The _Kojiki_. He said so.”

“Right,” Aiba says. “Right, that’s his new hobby. Being an intellectual.”

They grow quiet again, Sho focusing on his food for a while. Finally Aiba seems like he has to say something or he’ll burst.

“I know you’re his guest,” Aiba blurts out, “but can you please tell him that I’m sorry?”

Sho stares at him, not sure what to say.

“I’m really and truly sorry. He’ll know what I’m talking about. Tell him that for me.”

Sho looks down, unsure. If he’s going to tell Jun what Aiba’s saying right now, it means that first he’ll have to tell Jun that he’s gone to Triple Kitchen. Again. Something that Aiba’s done has left Jun really upset. And how is that going to look when Sho goes back to the guest house with such a vague message? How is it going to look to Jun when he learns that Sho and Aiba were talking about him behind his back?

He’s now inserted himself in a conflict he has no business knowing about. This is Sho’s fault for overstepping boundaries. But Sho’s been overstepping and daydreaming from the moment he set foot in Onjuku, seeing Matsumoto Jun come out of the house in those clinging clothes, with that friendly smile.

He doesn’t say that Yukie will try and drag Jun to Triple Kitchen kicking and screaming once Maya and Daisuke arrive. He doesn’t say anything about the photographs on the wall that match the photographs at the house. He just nods.

“That’s all? Just tell him you’re sorry?”

Whatever argument the two men are having, they’re obviously not speaking to each other right now. Jun’s been avoiding Triple Kitchen, Aiba’s made no attempt to come to the house even though it’s likely that he must have done so before with some regularity. At least given how easily and familiarly Ohno-san spoke about him the other night. What’s come between the two friends?

“He won’t take my calls, he won’t reply to my messages. Maybe he’ll listen to a neutral party,” Aiba says, looking hopeful. “Thanks, Sho-chan. Sorry to drag you into all the drama.”

He keeps his mouth shut, doesn’t inquire about what that drama might be. He’s already caused enough trouble, done enough meddling for the day.

“These clams are really good,” he eventually admits, and the conversation finally drifts away from Matsumoto Jun.

/ / / / /

There’s six of them for dinner that night so they eat around the table in the living room rather than the small table in the kitchenette. Sho, his mother, Ohno, his parents, and Jun. The tomatoes Jun returned home with the day before have been used perfectly in the spaghetti bolognese, and everyone gathered has nothing but compliments for the chef.

His mother seems happy to finally have people to speak with of her own age. She’s spent the better part of the week with men around Sho’s age, and while that clearly gave her some energy, she seems almost relieved to have someone to complain about minor aches and pains with.

The men in their thirties mostly just eat their pasta and munch on their salad while Ohno’s father, in his seventies and still fishing, talks about his arthritis. Ohno’s mother talks about a bad back. Yukie murmurs in complete sympathy, describing how sensitive her teeth have become the last few years. It’s one complaint after another, and yet it seems like the laughs don’t stop. They’re sore, but they’re alive.

Ohno and his parents thank Jun for dinner. They arrived with some smoked fish, although Jun hadn’t wanted to accept it at first. Yukie invites the Ohno family to join them again before the month is up, and Sho hopes that maybe the older folks will all dine together separately. Sho doesn’t really like the image of sore, swollen joints when he’s trying to enjoy a meal.

Yukie is off to call Maya, to finalize everything for the days to come. What to bring, what to pack for the weather, what there is to do in the area. That leaves Sho alone with Jun again, cleaning up once more.

He waits until everything’s washed and dried before he breaches the topic.

“Matsujun, do you have a few minutes to talk?”

He receives a suspicious look in reply. “What’s wrong?”

“Why don’t we go upstairs, sit on the balcony?”

“Is it about your mom?”

“No.”

Jun looks torn between telling Sho no immediately and waiting for Sho to speak…and then telling him no. Instead, he gives in, clearly not wanting to upset a guest.

The balcony upstairs is screened-in, keeping the bugs out but letting the breeze in. The sun has long since set, and there’s not really enough moonlight or starlight to see the water in the distance. It’s still lightly drizzling when they close the door behind them. Jun flips a switch and the balcony is lit up by colorful light bulbs that he’s strung all along the walls, letting them see each other.

There’s a few folding chairs as well as an old couch that seems more comfortable. Sho sits at one end while Jun opens a bottle of red wine leftover from dinner. There’s nothing classy about it as Jun pours into a pair of plastic IKEA cups. He hands one to Sho before joining him, sitting at the other end of the sofa, lifting up his feet so he sits cross-legged, facing him.

The centerpiece of Matsumoto Jun’s balcony is a well-tended bonsai plant, perched neatly on a wooden bench. “Does your bonsai have a name?”

Jun rolls his eyes. “Don’t start.”

“Start what?”

“The same thing everyone else does, being rude to my bonsai.” Jun gives him a serious glare that Sho now knows is all acting. “If you’re going to come out here, then you’ll treat her with respect.”

Sho chuckles. “It’s a lady bonsai, then?”

“Kogo-sama is a lady bonsai, yes.”

He smiles. Kogo- _sama_. 

“Bit of an old-fashioned name.” He looks over at the gentle branches, the small green leaves. “But not surprising if her master likes to read the classics, I suppose.”

“She was a gift from a teacher,” Jun says. “Not a social studies teacher or anything.”

“You’re saying a social studies teacher can’t fully appreciate a bonsai?”

“I highly doubt it,” comes the arrogant reply, and Sho snorts into the plastic cup.

“And she lives here all year?”

“No. She goes where I go.”

“And where is that?” Sho remembers that Ninomiya-sensei had said Jun only runs his guest house a few months out of the year. 

“Enough about Kogo-sama,” Jun snits. “You had something to say to me.”

Sho’s now under the full force of Jun’s dark, intense gaze, and he doesn’t dare delay, even if he knows that what he’s going to say may not be well-received. He doesn’t miss how quickly Jun dodged his question, wondering just where Jun goes when he’s not here by the sea.

“I had a late lunch at Triple Kitchen today.”

“I see.”

“Aiba-san asked me to say something to you.”

Jun’s clearly irritated, his lip curling in annoyance. “It’s got nothing to do with you. Why is he bothering you about this?”

“It’s not a bother,” Sho says quietly. “He only wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry. He didn’t say what for because he said you’d already know. He says you aren’t talking to him, so he thought if I relayed the message it would at least get to you. So there it is, that’s really all I had to say. Aiba-san is sorry.”

Jun doesn’t say anything, only lifting the half-empty wine bottle from the floor and adding more to his cheap plastic cup.

“I’m sorry for interfering in your business. I didn’t even realize there was a problem. But whatever’s happened, he’s sorry for it. I…I know my Mom wants you to come with us if we take Maya and Daisuke to Triple Kitchen. If there’s still…some sort of problem, don’t force yourself to go…”

“I’ll go if she wants me to go…”

“Matsujun, you don’t have to.”

“My problem with Masaki doesn’t need to be a problem for my guests,” Jun says sharply. “So I’ll thank you not to involve your mother or any of your family members in my business. Can I trust you to do that?”

Sho’s stunned. It’s the most serious he’s seen his host since he arrived. Whatever Aiba did, Jun’s clearly still hurting because of it.

“Of course. Of course, sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Sho-san. Consider your duty done. You’ve relayed his message, and we don’t have to talk about it any longer.”

Sho frowns, wanting to apologize again. He’d rather have the arrogant Matsumoto back, the Matsumoto who jokes about social studies teachers not having the ability to fully appreciate a bonsai. He drinks, takes a long, vulgar gulp.

“I’ll be picking up my sister around 5:00 PM tomorrow,” he says once Jun seems to calm a little. He supposes the wine is helping. “Then I’ll be leaving on Monday morning for my meetings. I think I’ll be back Wednesday night, if that’s alright.”

“Sounds fine, not a problem.”

He looks down, staring at his fingernails. “I can move my things. In my room I mean. I imagine…I imagine you’ll be wanting to clean in there more thoroughly while I’m away so…”

“Sho-san, you are a very troublesome guest.”

He looks up, sees that Jun’s sly, intoxicating smile has returned to his handsome face. He’d had a lot of wine during dinner, and their upstairs chat has only allowed him to keep going.

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve been here a week, and you still haven’t managed to relax. I feel like I’ve done something wrong, something to trouble or offend you, but I have no idea what.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong!”

Jun chuckles. “Ssh, you don’t have to shout.”

“Sorry.” He takes a breath. He can’t exactly say to Jun that total relaxation is utterly impossible when he’s around. Because he’s stupidly hot. “Sorry if I’ve given you that impression. I like it here. A lot. I really do.”

“Even though I know weird fishermen who bring their parents over and let them dominate the dinner conversation with talk about arthritis and constipation? Even though my idiot friend is trying to use you to relay his half-assed apologies?” Jun leans forward a little, grinning. “Even though I have pretentious hobbies?”

“I like that you have pretentious hobbies.”

Jun clucks his tongue, lifting the wine bottle and pouring more for each of them. “Sho-san, for shame. You were supposed to say ‘No, Matsujun, your interests are normal and not at all worth laughing at.’ I’m disappointed.”

He knows that he’s blushing, and it’s not just because of the wine. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean…”

Jun rests his hand on the back of the sofa, only inches away from Sho. “I’m just messing with you. Normal people don’t read the _Kojiki_ for fun.”

Sho stumbles. “I…I don’t know if I’m supposed to agree with you or if you’re just laying another trap for me.”

“You know why I like you? Because you’re so easy to tease. Do you let your students take advantage of your good nature like this?”

He narrows his eyes, not daring to let the words ‘why I like you’ alter his determination. “Contrary to what you may think, I’m actually a pretty strict teacher. I strike fear into the hearts of many a fourteen year old.”

Jun’s smile widens. “Oh yes, yes I can see that. You’re the type that likes pop quizzes.”

“And lots of homework,” Sho insists. 

“You always call on the kids who haven’t done the reading. You have a psychic sense, and they hate you for it. Sakurai-sensei, what a total bastard!”

“My philosophy of teaching is that it’s better to be feared than to be loved.”

“Machiavelli!” Jun says instantly, unconsciously licking his lips, the foreign syllables slipping so easily off his tongue.

Sho has another sip from his cup, trying not to get turned on by their strange conversation, the lies and exaggerations they’re spouting in their half-drunken states. Jun smiles at him, and Sho gets just a little more lost in what he’s feeling. 

Are they talking? 

Are they _flirting_? 

Sho’s so out of practice that he can’t tell the difference any longer. 

Jun empties the bottle into Sho’s cup, tapping the bottom to give him every last little drop. “You’re actually a super nice teacher. Aren’t you, Sho-san?”

He chuckles, reddening easily. “Yeah…”

“You go back to Tokyo, and do your thing. We’ll be waiting for you to come back. And I won’t move your stuff. Promise.”

He holds up his near-empty cup. “Thank you for trusting me enough to introduce me to Kogo-sama. She’s a very majestic bonsai.”

Jun knocks his cup against his, beaming, eyes bright. “Damn right she is.”

/ / / / /

Yukie has a rough morning, but rebounds by the time Sho has to leave for the JR station. His sister greets him with an enthusiastic hug, the cheerful Daisuke following right at her heels with treats from Wakayama, a massive tub of umeboshi that takes up an entire backpack.

“I can’t believe they let you on the train with that,” he chides his sister, and she reaches up to ruffle his hair.

“They’re for our host!”

The quiet of the last few days is broken as Maya and Daisuke pile into Sho’s car for the trip back to the guest house. Maya, grateful for a few days’ break from her hectic job at the law firm, enters the house in a whirlwind. “Mom! Mom, it’s me! I’m here!”

“Be quiet, would ya? You’re a real pain,” Sho teases her, Daisuke laughing as he toes off his sneakers in the genkan.

Yukie comes down the stairs. “Daisuke! My Daisuke is here!” she cries jokingly, opening her arms to her future son-in-law just to give noisy Maya a hard time.

As the greetings continue, Sho starts bringing the bags upstairs. Jun is there, arms full of towels. “And I thought Nagase-kun was noisy,” Jun jokes.

Maya and Daisuke will be in another room with an en-suite bathroom, closer to the stairwell. He lingers in the hall while Jun provides them with a key to lock the door, shows them how the tub and shower work. He talks them through what they can borrow from the shed to use at the beach, tells them about options in the area. 

Daisuke asks about surfing and immediately Jun volunteers to go out on the waves with him. Sho is stupidly jealous for a handful of seconds, only to realize that he could have probably asked Jun to surf any time in the past week. He’d only gone with Nagase because Nagase had invited him. 

The noise heads back downstairs, and Yukie is waiting in the kitchenette. Sho can’t help but laugh at the sight of the massive tub of umeboshi dominating the dining table.

“Hungry? Are you hungry after your trip?” Yukie asks, her spirits higher than they’d been that morning.

Sho has always liked Daisuke because they both have big appetites in common. So he isn’t surprised when Daisuke pats his slightly round belly, nodding. “Definitely hungry.”

“When’s the sunset?” Yukie asks, looking to Jun. “Jun-kun, are we still going to be okay?”

“It’s about 5:45 right now,” Jun says, checking his watch. “Should be setting around…6:30? 6:40 tonight I think?”

Yukie’s eyes widen. “Then we don’t have a moment to lose! Come on, come on, we have to go eat. He closes at sunset!”

“The place on the beach you mentioned? The barbecue place?” Maya asks, eyes excited, and Sho watches Jun’s expression grow a bit more serious.

“Triple Kitchen,” Yukie says. “Let’s all go. Hurry, let’s go. Jun-kun, let me get my wallet. Let me just get my wallet, and you can lock up. Ah, should we call Satoshi-kun?”

“Yukie-san,” Jun tries to protest, but she’s already heading for the stairs. And now the friendly Daisuke - patent lawyer by day, glutton by night - is standing close by his side, asking what’s the best thing on the menu. Like a good host, all Jun can do is answer.

“Daisuke-san, everything is amazing there.”

“Well what if we order one of everything and share?” Maya asks. “Or is Nii-san gonna eat all the clams like he usually does?”

“I can share just fine,” Sho grumbles.

Yukie returns, double checking the amount of cash in her wallet. “Only my money counts tonight. I’m treating my children. And that includes you, Matsumoto Jun-kun.”

Jun looks a bit embarrassed, clearly wanting to stay behind but unable to tell them why. He had asked Sho specifically not to bring his troubles with Aiba outside of their personal conversation, so there’s nothing Sho can do to help him either. 

They lock up the house, and get moving to the beach. Maya and Daisuke stand on either side of Yukie, blabbing about their long trip. Three trains. Their chatter is almost obnoxious after so many quiet, rainy days in Onjuku. Most people are already packing up at the beach, grabbing their things and heading for their cars or the train back to Tokyo. Only their noisy entourage is setting out for the beach now.

They make it to the Triple Kitchen line by 6:15. Yukie moves to the front. “Aiba-san,” she declares, “I’ve brought more people. Don’t close until you’ve fed us.”

“I’d stay open until midnight for the Sakurai family,” Aiba says, bowing his head to her. When he lifts his head again, Sho sees the shock in his eyes. Even though Jun is doing his best to hide behind tall Daisuke, he’s not entirely successful. “Well, let’s get those orders in.”

This time Sho opts for the lobster tail. Jun’s order is half-mumbled, but Aiba manages to keep it together, calling out an order of three chicken skewers. Yukie and Aiba argue back and forth, back and forth about discounts and payments. In the end, they all receive free drinks, but Yukie insists on paying for the rest of the food herself.

As the sun starts to head off, they dig in, the five of them lined up all along the counter. There’s a last call for food, but one of the servers comes by and tells them they can take as long as they want to eat since Aiba’s crew needs time to clean up and shut down for the night anyway.

Sho can’t help but stand beside Jun, watching his reactions. Thankfully Aiba doesn’t come over, spends most of the minutes taking final orders before closing up the cash register and bringing the money drawer inside the restaurant.

The lobster tail is amazing, and he shuts his eyes, enjoying each bite along with the sound of the waves crashing along the shore. At this time tomorrow he’ll already be back in his apartment. No ocean sounds. No Hidamari Guest House.

Time has really seemed to slow down the last week. Without work and commuting taking up so much of his day, his life has been really different. He’s gone for long swims, long walks. He’s eaten his weight in seafood (or at least it’s felt that way). He’s made new friends. He’s never vacationed like this before. He’s always worked hard to cram in as much as possible when traveling, hitting all the spots he can because there’s always the possibility that he’ll never be able to return. But this week at Hidamari Guest House has been unscheduled, impulsive. Everything that Sho is not.

Slowly the outdoor grilling tent shuts down. Workers pack up, hugs and handshakes and “see you tomorrow”s are exchanged. Soon enough it’s just the five of them on one side of the counter, a couple on the other side just finishing up their beers. Aiba takes their mugs when they finish, bringing them inside. The couple leaves, which means that Aiba is only waiting on them.

He returns to the tent, looking tired after his long day, but the same smile is there. “Well, Sakurai family and Sakurai extended family. Everything good tonight?”

Aiba steps back in an exaggerated fashion, holding out his arms as their compliments come flying at him in quick succession. What Sho doesn’t expect is for Aiba to take advantage of the neutral audience to leave Jun in a bind.

“Matsujun, can you stay a little bit when you guys are done? I had something to tell you.”

Sho can see Jun’s jaw clench, but he can’t otherwise react without confusing his guests. “Yeah, sure…”

“But he has to let us into the house,” Sho interjects, trying to throw Jun a lifeline, to avoid a conversation he still doesn’t seem ready to have. It’s a little unfair what Aiba’s doing.

Sho’s lifeline doesn’t work. Jun digs in his pocket, puts the keys on the counter. “It’s fine. You can go ahead without me.”

Yukie, still oblivious, finds no fault with this. “Thanks, Jun-kun. Let’s go for a walk before it gets too dark out.”

Sho looks between Jun and Aiba for a moment before taking the keys. “See you back at the house,” he says.

They mostly walk so they can go to a convenience store and buy ice cream, and they make it back to the house before Jun. They sit together in the living room, TV tuned to a variety show nobody’s really watching. Instead they catch up on things they’ve missed since Maya has been gone. Sho’s mother asks after Daisuke’s family, and like the lawyer he is, he rambles on and on about this and that.

Daisuke and Maya decide to go to bed around 10:00 after their long day of travel, and Yukie joins them. Maya lingers for a moment, wrapping her arms around him and giving him a hug. She kisses his cheek and whispers to him. “I’ve got her now, Nii-san. You’ve worked hard this week. I’ll make sure she takes her pills.”

“Thanks.”

Maya squeezes him tight. “Mom said that Matsumoto-kun is single.”

“Go upstairs,” he grumbles, and she pokes his cheek before running off. 

Sho stays, keeping the TV on low and browsing through some of the magazines Jun subscribes to for his guests. A men’s fashion magazine. A gardening magazine. A few entertainment magazines. Nothing registers, and he barely reads anything, glancing at photos and growing nervous the later it gets. He eventually gives up on the magazines, turns off the lights, sits slumped on the couch with the glow of the TV, some medical drama full of jargon going in one ear and out the other.

It’s after midnight when Jun comes in the door. He sees Sho on the couch and looks apologetic.

“You didn’t have to wait up for me. I’m sorry.”

“Didn’t want to lock the door until you got back. It’s fine.”

Jun sighs, speaking quietly. “I should have told you I keep a spare key in one of my flower pots.”

“Everything okay?” Sho asks, knowing that Jun had pointedly asked him not to concern himself any further with his personal life. But he’s been gone five hours.

“Yeah. Yeah I guess so.”

Jun doesn’t look happy. But he doesn’t look sad. He just looks tired.

“You have to drive tomorrow, Sho-san. Go to bed.” His expression softens a bit. “We’ll be fine here. But if you want, I can call you, let you know how things go.”

No, Sho thinks. He has to trust Jun. Has to trust Maya and Daisuke. Sho knows that he’s stubborn, that he can be particular especially when it comes to Yukie’s health. But the three people in the house with her have her best interests in mind, and he knows it. He can go home without worrying.

“You only need to call me if there’s an emergency. It’s fine.”

He gets to his feet, looking between the sofa cushions for the remote. He turns the TV off, and now the only light is the one Jun’s put on in the hall where he came in. Sho heads for the stairs, and Jun lingers close by, hand on the bannister.

“I’m sorry for being so rude to you. About everything with Aiba-kun,” Jun says. “It won’t happen again.”

Because you’re my guest, Sho presumes. And not for any other reason.

“Good night, Matsujun.”

Jun’s smile squeezes his heart. “Good night, Sho-san. Sleep well. And come back soon.”


	4. Chapter 4

All that’s waiting for him at home is the stack of mail his neighbor diligently gathered for him and the realization that he forgot to throw out some leftover takeout. He cleans the stinky bag out of the fridge, already missing the shore.

When he gets to the school for his scheduled meetings the next morning, many of his colleagues seem jealous. “Look at the tan you’ve gotten already,” some of them say. “And you’re going back to the beach after this, no fair.”

When they ask what he’s been up to, most of what he recalls first are the meals. His mother’s fried fish, the onigiri. Jun’s tempura and spaghetti bolognese. The skewers and clams at Triple Kitchen. And yet he hasn’t gained an ounce. All the surfing, all the walking, and all the sweating in the sunshine has kept him from the tedium of work where all he does is stand at the front of the class or sit at his desk in the staff room.

His mother and Maya send him several pictures. Blurry shots of Daisuke and Jun on surfboards, skewers from Triple Kitchen. Photos of Yukie, Maya, and Daisuke that Jun clearly took, including a series with the infamous Onjuku camels. They’re only two hours away, but sitting in the staff room, going over changes in the curriculum makes it feel like they’re much further away than that.

Sho spends Tuesday night with his father, ordering in Thai food and watching documentaries on NHK. He tells his father about Yukie’s good days and her less good days. About Maya and Daisuke, who won’t have time to stop in Tokyo before they’re expected back at work. 

Sho doesn’t ask if his father’s going to come to Onjuku. He’s not really interested in hearing the answer out loud.

Wednesday is nothing but meetings until the day winds down. There’s a new teacher filling in for the remainder of the term since one of the other teachers is on maternity leave. He joins the welcome party for the new instructor, having one beer at the start and water for the remainder. It goes on longer than Sho anticipates, and he doesn’t get on the road back to Chiba until nearly 10:00 PM.

That brings him to Onjuku after midnight and after Jun’s curfew. He’d sent Jun a text about it before getting on the road, and all he received in reply was a photo of a flower pot. The spare key. Jun’s trusting him to let himself in and lock up for the night.

Onjuku is quiet and dark as he pulls in to the parking lot beside the izakaya. All he’s brought with him is his laptop bag, and he slings it over his shoulder, locking his car. He strolls quietly across the lot. The izakaya’s closed since most of the usual customers are fishermen who will be waking up and hitting the water in a few hours.

He hears them before he sees them, Jun and Aiba’s voices in the dark. Jun’s low tones, Aiba’s silly laugh. Sho hesitates for a moment when he sees they’re standing on Jun’s front steps, mostly in shadow. They’re standing close. Really close.

Aiba’s a step below Jun, saying something. Jun shakes his head and then leans down. Sho can only watch them kiss for a few seconds before he turns around, heads back for the izakaya parking lot.

Sho thinks of the photographs in Triple Kitchen, the photographs in his room.

Sho thinks of the Hidamari Guest House discount.

Sho thinks of his conversation with Aiba in the restaurant, Onjuku in the rain. _“He won’t take my calls, he won’t reply to my messages.”_

Sho thinks of the other night, waiting in the living room for Jun to come home. Waiting five hours for Jun to come home.

He almost laughs.

“Of course,” Sho mumbles to himself. “Of course.”

He cuts through the parking lot, goes around the back instead. He almost considers going for a late night walk along the beach until he calms down, but he can see that the light is on in the kitchenette. He knocks lightly on the door, holding tight to the strap of his bag.

Jun opens the door for him. His eyes are dark. He’s drunk.

“Hey…didn’t you get my photo?”

“Your photo?” Sho asks quietly, playing dumb. The kitchen light leaves a halo around Jun’s head.

“Yeah. Yeah, the flower pot. The spare key.”

“Oh. I didn’t check my phone once I was driving. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Come on in, welcome back.”

Sho steps into the house, removing his shoes and hoping his hands aren’t shaking.

Of course, Sho’s mind tells him repeatedly. Of course. Of course.

“You want anything to eat? There’s leftovers from dinner,” Jun offers, his voice rather light and cheerful. 

Of course.

“No, I ate before I left. Thanks.” He finally looks over, sees that Jun is heading for his rooms. “Everything okay here?”

Jun gives him a playful thumbs-up. “Your noisier family members are a lot of fun. Mom’s good too.”

“Thanks. Well. I’ll be going to bed.”

He turns and heads for the stairs.

“Hey. Sho-san.”

Jun’s smile for him is kind, sweet.

“I’m glad you’re back.”

Sho nods, heading back up to his room. He wishes he could believe that.

/ / / / /

His mother comes along for the drive over to the train station, and they see Maya and Daisuke off mid-morning. They spend the rest of the day at the beach, and when Yukie asks him if he wants to grab a bite at Triple Kitchen, he declines in favor of the onigiri she’s already packed them.

He and his mother are invited to the Ohno house for dinner, a happy distraction. While the older folks talk, he sits out in the small yard in a pair of well-loved lawn chairs with Ohno. They live a few blocks farther from the water than the guest house, so there’s not much of a view. Just the moths clustering around the light on the house’s back porch.

They talk about a lot of nothing. Fishing stuff mostly, the usually soft-spoken Ohno enthusiastically recounting several of his more successful catches. Whenever there’s a lull in the conversation, he almost asks. He almost asks Ohno what’s going on between Jun and Aiba. But then Sho talks himself out of it. Maybe it’s a secret from Ohno. He doesn’t want to be the bearer of such interesting news.

Sho started his vacation learning from his mother that Matsumoto Jun is single. And then Sho left, returning and getting the definitive answer to a question that’s been lingering in his mind ever since. Is Matsumoto Jun interested in men? That knowledge came at a cost, of course.

He’s not angry. He might not even be that jealous. Jun is an attractive guy. Aiba is an attractive guy. Jun’s a nice host, a good cook, a considerate man. Aiba’s also a good cook, a considerate man. So Jun and Aiba? It makes sense. A lot of sense.

Now Sho can spend the rest of his vacation focusing on Yukie, her health. Getting his reading in. Getting his exercise in. Sand and sun. Now he knows for certain that thinking about Matsumoto Jun as something other than his kind and generous host is a lost cause, a waste of time. It’s a relief, he tells himself. The butterflies in his stomach will fade. He won’t have to second-guess the meaning behind a camel photoshoot, behind plastic cups of wine on the balcony. Just camaraderie. Just friendship. 

So he’s not angry. He’s not jealous. Is he disappointed? A little. Just a little. It’s been so long since he’s been the recipient of a smile like Matsumoto Jun’s. But when August ends, so will the smiles and Sho can just get back to work. When he feels ready, he can look again. Can date again. No matter what the soap operas and romantic comedies say, love doesn’t just fall into your lap. You have to look for it. Especially if you’re thirty-five, gay, and slow to trust again.

And so when Sho is ready, he’ll look.

Ohno sighs, leaning back in the chair beside him. He’ll need to get to bed soon if he’s going to head out as usual. “My mom made some cookies today. Can you bring some back for Matsujun?”

“Of course,” Sho says.

He and his mother drive back to the house, heading upstairs. He stands by while she pulls her planner out of her bag, sets it neatly on the chest of drawers. Sho fills a glass with water, standing by while she takes her pills. Standing by while she uncaps her favorite green pen and makes a note in the planner that she has done everything she planned for the day.

“It was good to see Maya,” his mother says, tugging a clean pair of pajamas from the drawer. 

“Wish I could have been here longer for it.”

“Well, she’ll be back for the New Year. Much to do then.”

Not much for Sho to do, but Maya is coming up for New Year’s and the wedding planning will start in earnest. He’s glad for it. It will give his mother something to pour her energy into, something to keep her mind going. And maybe it will help her back off from her ongoing quest to find someone new for Sho.

“Katsuura tomorrow? Want to go early?” he asks, and she seems surprised.

“Early? Sure, if that’s what you’d like to do, Sho-chan.”

“We could rent some chairs or one of those beach cabanas we saw there last week. We could spend the whole day down there.”

She nods, setting her pajamas on the bed. “That sounds lovely.”

“We’ll buy lunch at the market, bring it to the beach with us. Weather’s supposed to be great.”

Yukie pauses before speaking again. “Jun-kun will be alone here all day tomorrow.”

He opts for a smile. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate the break, right? After having Maya and Daisuke here. He’ll be able to do whatever he likes, have the house to himself.”

“I suppose you’re right. I just…I don’t want to exclude him…”

“Mom, we don’t have to invite him to everything we do. He’s just renting these rooms to us, he’s not the one on vacation here.”

He knows the last sentence is a mistake because the look she gives him in response is full of suspicion, almost confusion.

Sho’s not angry. Sho’s not jealous. He’s only disappointed. Just a little.

“Well, if we’re going to leave early then I’d better wash up and get to bed.” She moves over, patting his cheek. “Good night, Sho-chan.”

/ / / / /

They spend all of Friday in Katsuura, enjoying the weather and a different beach from the usual. Ohno’s mother calls Friday night and invites Yukie to go to an outlet mall in Kisarazu with her on Saturday. A shuttle bus for older folks leaves from the Onjuku JR station at 8:30 and is gone most of the day. Though Sho is initially hesitant, his mother is in one of her happiest moods Saturday morning, assuring him that she’ll be fine and will call if there’s any trouble.

Before Jun even emerges from his room, likely wearing his glasses and desperate for coffee, Sho drives Yukie over to meet the bus. There’s a veritable swarm of older ladies ready for retail therapy, and he feels as though he’s leaving her in good hands. 

He considers driving back to the house, asking Jun to open the shed so he can borrow a beach chair and spend the day reading with his feet in the sand.

He considers an early lunch at Triple Kitchen.

Instead Sho gets back in his car and drives inland to the city of Otaki, spending the better part of the morning and early afternoon visiting the castle there. He nearly takes himself to one of the many golf courses in the area but decides against golfing alone. The area is heavily forested, a real contrast from the beach, and after picking up some bug spray and sunscreen, he finds a trail to walk until it’s almost sunset. He hikes, takes dozens of photos, breathes in the mountain air and tells himself this is vacation. He’s enjoying himself, enjoying unfamiliar surroundings. Nothing more.

His mother calls him when the bus is halfway back from Kisarazu, and he’s happy to even have a signal where he is.

“I didn’t buy anything,” she says, “but Ohno-san certainly did.”

Sho can hear a bit of laughter in the background of the call.

“I’m going to stay over for dinner, and then help her sort through everything she bought. Would it be too much trouble for you to pick me up from there later? Ohno-san’s husband will get us from the train station in his truck. And that’s probably for the best because of all the shopping bags!”

More laughter.

“Of course. Call me whenever you’re ready. It sounds like you had a good time today, Mom.”

“I certainly did!”

“Glad to hear it. Just give me a ring.”

“Thank you, Sho-chan. I hope Jun-kun hasn’t prepared any dinner tonight, I’d hate for him to have gone to so much trouble…”

Sho wouldn’t know. He hasn’t been home all day.

“If he did, you can always eat leftovers tomorrow.”

“That’s very true. Okay! I will call you later.”

“Have fun.”

It’s after dark when he makes it back to the house, finding the door unlocked. He heads upstairs, finding that the ‘Do Not Disturb’ tag he left on the door is still there. Opening his door, he sees that Jun has not been inside. The bed’s still unmade, his dirty clothes are still on the floor where he left them.

He goes down to the kitchenette to see what he can throw together for dinner.

“You’re back.”

Sho jumps, slamming the refrigerator door shut. Jun’s standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchenette.

“You scared me!”

Jun’s dressed to his usual devastating effect, a tight gray t-shirt and his long striped shorts. He’s got his glasses on, a book in his hand.

He grins. “I was sitting on the couch. You didn’t even notice me.”

Sho laughs. He can be singularly minded when he’s hungry. “Wow. Sorry. I guess I didn’t.”

He watches Jun replace his finger inside the book with a bookmark, shutting it completely. When he looks up, Sho can’t really read his expression.

“Good day?”

Sho tells Jun where he’s gone, what he’s seen.

“It’s pretty out there, isn’t it? Ah, I don’t really golf, but there’s a lot of courses out that way.”

“I drove past a few.”

Jun’s leaning back against the doorway, hair a little messy. Sho has to remind himself that it’s still okay to look. But only to look.

“I’ve got some leftovers from last night in my fridge. Did a linguini and clam sauce. Want some?”

“Sure.”

“Come on back.”

Sho hesitates, letting Jun drop his book on the table and open the door to his living area. He turns around, grinning.

“Come on, I give you permission.”

Reluctantly, Sho follows him in, down the corridor he’d seen before. The door to the left side is open. It’s just a bathroom. The door on the right is closed, so Sho figures that’s his bedroom. He arrives in a kitchen that’s not much bigger than the kitchenette, but there’s more appliances. A stove with four burners, a grill underneath the unit. The refrigerator is larger, too. There’s only a table for two, and Jun pulls a storage container out of the fridge. There’s plenty for both of them.

“Have a seat.”

Sho does so, noticing that Jun’s living quarters aren’t decorated like the rest of the house. There’s nothing very personal in here, just appliances, pots, and pans. There’s only a dry erase calendar on the refrigerator set to August. The schedule of guests visiting the house. 

He sees that the characters for “Sakurai” have been neatly written in red marker, an arrow extending through each week for the entire month while other days are filled in with the names of other guests. He sees blue for Nagase, pink for Maya and Daisuke. In another week, Sou will come up for the weekend, and he’s marked in green. He sees only one other guest notation, for the Monday and Tuesday of the coming week.

“Hold on,” Sho says, chuckling. “Who are the ‘Idiots’?”

Jun’s warming the food up in the microwave. “Exactly what it says. Idiots.”

“That seems a bit mean.”

“When they show up, you might change your mind.”

“Who are they?”

“My best friends.”

No wonder. Jun would never treat a guest that way, even on a calendar they’d never see. Sho wonders why Jun has welcomed him so easily into his inner sanctum tonight. These rooms are his and his alone, a place to separate Matsumoto Jun the person from Matsumoto Jun the friendly host. 

Jun sets a plate before him, piled high with pasta. Even reheated a day later, it smells amazing. “Wine? Beer?”

“Whatever you’re having,” he says this time, just to be agreeable. He’s already feeling awkward enough sitting in Jun’s kitchen.

Jun opens a bottle of white wine, pours for both of them. This time into wine glasses, not cheap plastic cups. Jun settles across from him, and they both give thanks for the meal before digging in.

Like everything else Matsumoto Jun makes, it’s really good. Sho can’t help wondering if Jun’s just a natural at cooking or if he’s gotten a few pointers from Aiba Masaki. He twirls pasta around his fork, biting the inside of his cheek and trying to avoid the thought of the two of them here, in this kitchen, standing at the stove together. Side by side. Touching, talking softly. “Here,” Sho imagines Jun saying to Aiba. “Here, try this.” He imagines Jun holding a spoonful of sauce, blowing on it gently before lifting it to Aiba’s…

“Is there a reason why you’ve been avoiding me, Sho-san?”

Jun has waited until Sho has his mouth full, and all he can do is look at Jun in a slight panic, chewing. 

He finally manages to swallow. “I’m not avoiding you.”

Jun raises one of his thick eyebrows. “This is the most I’ve seen of you all week.”

He waves his hand dismissively. “I’ve been all over the place. The Ohno family kindly invited me over the other night, Mom and I had our big day in Katsuura…”

“You’ve had your ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign up ever since you came back.” Jun has a sip of wine, setting the glass back down. His fingers tap the table with a slightly nervous rhythm. “If you’re having a problem, I really hope you’d tell me.”

“A problem? I’m not having any problems. Well, I might have gotten a few mosquito bites today, but…”

“Have I done something to offend you?”

His eyes widen. Had Jun seen him that night? Had Jun seen him spying on them? There’s no way, it was dark…at least it was darker by the izakaya wall.

“No, you haven’t done anything wrong,” he protests, setting down his fork. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I’m happy, my mom’s happy. I got a text from Maya saying to tell you she’d love to come back next year. We’re happy. We’re all very happy.”

Jun accepts his answer, nodding before taking another bite of food. They eat in a rather awkward silence until Sho’s plate is cleared and his wine glass is empty. He gets up to retrieve the bottle from the kitchen counter, his chair scraping too loudly across the floor. Jun gets up too, and they meet at the same time, both of their hands going for the bottle and colliding.

He’s having trouble breathing, feeling Jun so close, their hands both wrapped around the neck of the wine bottle. He can smell Jun, a fresh soothing scent. His soap maybe, perhaps his deodorant. 

“Let me at least pour it for you,” Jun says quietly, and Sho doesn’t miss the hurt tone in his voice.

He slips his hand away. Instead of sitting back down at the table, Sho takes the glass. He holds it out expectantly, unable to meet Jun’s eyes. He inhales, exhales when Jun’s free hand wraps around his wrist, holding him and the wine glass steady. He can feel Jun watching him as he pours wine into the glass. 

Sho hears Jun set the wine bottle down on the counter, but he doesn’t let go.

“Sho-san,” Jun says. 

Sho can only look at the wine in the glass, its light golden color. Jun’s fingers around his wrist are warm. “Yeah?”

“Invite me next time.”

“Invite you where?”

“Wherever you want to go.” He can hear Jun breathing. So steady. So sure. “Then you don’t have to go alone.”

“Okay.”

Sho’s glad that he doesn’t drop his glass when Jun lets go of him. He takes a long, slow sip as Jun brings their plates to the sink, sets them down inside. While Jun washes the dishes, Sho drinks the wine.

He’s not sure what to think. He’s not sure what to do. Because he knows what he saw on Wednesday night. Jun on one step, Aiba on the step below. He heard their murmured voices, heard their gentle laughter. Saw the moment Jun leaned in.

Is Jun just messing with him? Is Jun being serious? They’ve barely seen each other the last three days. Three days where Sho has done his best to forget what he felt that first week. Forget what he felt from that first moment, seeing Jun come out of the house to welcome him. It’s been so long since Sho has felt like this. It’s been so long since Sho has allowed himself to feel anything like this at all.

Damn it, he’s done the right thing. He’s played fair. He’s behaved honorably. He saw what he saw and withdrew himself from the field immediately. 

But Sho’s not a fucking idiot. He recognizes what Jun just did. He knows what it means and knows what it implies. And if what he saw Wednesday night hadn’t happened, then he wouldn’t be feeling as guilty as he does right now. Guilty for wanting to press Jun back against the sink, to kiss him. Touch him. Press his lips to each mole, each beauty mark. Take him away, claim him for himself.

Jun turns off the sink, and Sho sets his empty wine glass down.

“The pictures in my room, the beach pictures,” he says, his voice low. Uncompromising. “Who took them?”

Jun’s drying his hands on a dish towel, watching him. Behind his glasses, his pupils are large. His eyes are almost black. “I did. Why?”

“I like them.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Are they the same as the ones Aiba-san has hanging up in his restaurant?”

Jun seems a bit confused by the question, but he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, he liked them so I gave him copies.” Jun crosses his arms. Sho doesn’t need Ninomiya-sensei here to tell him it’s a defensive posture. “I took them a few years ago when my hobby of the summer was photography. As you know, this summer the hobby is…”

“The _Kojiki_ ,” Sho finishes.

Jun smiles softly. “Yep.”

Sho’s phone starts ringing in his pocket, and they both jump.

“That will be Mom,” he says, stepping away from the counter, away from the Jun trap that’s standing in front of him. “Excuse me a minute.”

Yukie is ready to be picked up, if it’s not too much trouble.

“Of course it’s no trouble. Matsujun and I were just finishing up our dinner here.” He takes a breath. “I’ll come right now.”

He hangs up, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He barely looks back over his shoulder, meeting Jun’s eyes. 

“I’ll be back in a while.”

The lights are off inside Triple Kitchen when Sho drives past, going blocks and blocks out of his way before he heads off to the Ohno house.

/ / / / /

His mother spends Sunday in bed, though she spends a lot of it sitting up, reading the books she’s brought with her. Jun runs errands, filling the kitchenette cupboards and refrigerator with food for both the Sakurai family as Yukie has requested as well as food for the guests who will arrive tomorrow.

Sho rents a board and spends the morning surfing. It’s not as much fun without Nagase, that’s for sure, but spending at least part of the day outdoors lets him justify spending the rest of it in the living room of the Hidamari Guest House, lesson planning for the months to come.

In the evening, the three of them have dinner - Jun, Sho, Yukie. Sho is almost grateful his mother gets out of bed for it. Sho’s not sure he has the energy to have another meal alone with Jun, another conversation alone.

The “Idiots” coming to visit are also high school friends of Jun’s. Ikuta Toma and Oguri Shun. Ikuta works in finance, Oguri owns a bar in Kawasaki. They’re both married, escaping home life for a few days to come and bother Jun.

“I’m sure it’s not really a bother,” Sho’s mother says, grinning.

“Two days is my limit,” Jun complains. “If they stay in the area longer, I tell them to get a room at one of the resort hotels.”

They arrive before Jun wakes in the morning. Sho’s drinking coffee in the kitchenette with his mother when he hears the key turn in the front door lock. So they know about the flower pot.

Two men appear in the kitchen a few moments later, duffel bags and surfboards in tow. “Oh wow, pardon the intrusion,” says the shorter of the two men (though still taller than Sho), a guy with a friendly smile. The taller guy seems a little bit more shy, and he inclines his head, looking embarrassed.

Sho gets up, holding out his hand. “Sakurai Sho, we’re the long-term guests. This is my mother, Yukie.”

The shorter one is Ikuta, the taller is Oguri. “I’m so sorry to interrupt your breakfast,” Oguri apologizes, bowing his head to Yukie. “We thought _somebody_ would already be up and ready for our arrival.”

Yukie smiles. Jun’s trouble with mornings continues. “Have you boys had breakfast yet? Sit a moment with us, we’ve got plenty of coffee and I can whip something together…”

The door to Jun’s living area opens with a bang, and the man himself is there in a rather unfashionable blue bathrobe, his glasses, his hair sticking out in a dozen different directions. Sho hides a smile at the dramatic entrance. It’s just about the grumpiest face he’s seen on a person in ages.

“Yukie-san, you’ll do no such thing.” Jun points at his friends. “You said buy this and that and this and that. And even though I know I won’t see any of that money back, I went to the supermarket yesterday. So make your own damn coffee!”

“Jun-kun,” Yukie chides him, unable to keep in a laugh. “Don’t be unpleasant.”

“Listen to your guest, Junnosuke,” Ikuta says cheerfully.

“And put some clothes on. You look terrible,” Oguri chimes in.

Jun narrows his eyes. “I will take those surfboards and I will shove them so far up your…” He blinks, seeing that Yukie is watching closely, prepared to scold him again. “…so far up your you-know-whats that…that…that dislodging them will be extremely difficult.”

And with that, he turns around and slams the door. Ikuta and Oguri laugh so hard they nearly start to cry, and Sho can’t help joining in. He now has a better idea why “The Idiots” was what Jun wrote on his calendar. He hopes the next two days will be a good distraction from his weird, awkward feelings about Jun.

“Our food is your food,” Oguri says, and they dump their belongings right there on the floor. “Coffee sounds great, but we’ll probably go have lunch at Triple Kitchen later.”

Triple Kitchen. So much for the distraction.

“Gotta have an empty stomach for that,” Ikuta agrees. 

The four of them sit around the kitchenette table and get better acquainted. Ikuta and Oguri introduce themselves. When Oguri reveals that he has two small children, he instantly becomes Yukie’s new favorite and she insists on being shown every single picture on his phone. While the proud papa shows off his two admittedly adorable daughters, Sho and Ikuta chat.

Sho doesn’t ask Ikuta if they also know Ninomiya - doing so will reveal too much about why Sho and his mother are here at the guest house, that Yukie is Ninomiya’s patient. Instead, they chat about their jobs, the weather, their plans for their short trip to Onjuku. Ikuta reveals that they’ll spend the rest of the day surfing, and tomorrow they’re renting a boat from the marina.

“Shun has a boating license, so he doesn’t get to drink. But we’ll just head out, park ourselves somewhere, kick back and relax. Catch up on things.” Ikuta grins. “It was just gonna be me, Shun, and Junnosuke, but you’re welcome to join us. Your mom too…if she can stand it.”

He looks over, sees his mom cooing over Oguri’s photos. “I’ll ask what she wants to do. We’ll see. Thanks for inviting us.”

“No problem. If anything, you’d be doing me and Shun a favor. If we have you and your mom as witnesses, Jun won’t do anything stupid like push us overboard and turn me or Shun into fish food if we tease him a little too hard.”

Sho grins. “Are you guys really his friends?”

Ikuta laughs. “I can see where you’d think that. Many apologies for our terrible first impression. But no, seriously, we love Jun. And since you’re his guest here, I’m sure you can see why. He’s just…he’s so good, isn’t he? You just want to smack him, he’s so good.”

Sho nods. “He’s been very kind and welcoming to us.”

“Who’d have ever thought the world famous Matsumoto Jun would be running a guest house,” Ikuta muses. “Dusting, making beds, scrubbing toilets.”

He blinks. Wait, what?

“World famous?” Sho asks, but he doesn’t get an answer because Jun pulls his door open again. 

He’s now a bit more presentable for company, in another selection from his Hawaiian shirt collection. This one’s purple and covered in little palm trees. The glasses remain but he’s at least dragged a comb through his dark hair. Without a word he moves to grab their bags, heading for the living room and the staircase. 

“You’re in your usual rooms!” he calls back down the stairs.

“Roger that!” Ikuta shouts back, not moving a muscle while his friend waits on him.

Eventually Oguri and Ikuta get up, lifting their surfboards. They go back to the front of the house to get their shoes and go outside, walking around. From the kitchenette window, Sho can see them lean the boards against the shed. They come back inside.

“Would you like to come to the water with us? If you don’t want to surf, we can always set our chairs and things up a little further down the beach,” Oguri says.

“Closer to Triple Kitchen, ideally,” Ikuta chimes in, looking like he hasn’t eaten in days just so he can get some crazy skewers.

“You boys will need someone to watch your things, and I’m just the woman for the job,” Yukie volunteers. She looks to him and smiles. “You too, Sho-chan, I’ll watch your things too. Don’t sit in here and work all day again.”

By now Jun has come back down the stairs, is standing in the doorway. But all he can do is look at Sho. “Go on, make sure those two clowns don’t kill themselves showing off.”

“What about you?” Sho can’t help asking, knowing that if Jun doesn’t come that he’s just going to stick around the house cleaning. Doesn’t he want to come out with his friends?

“I’ll come by later,” Jun decides. 

“Once you’ve had your coffee and transform back into a human?” Oguri teases.

“Is there enough coffee in the world for that?” Ikuta adds.

“You know, I’d call your wives and tell them you’ve both been eaten by sharks, but I don’t know if I’d be able to handle their screams of pure joy,” Jun snaps back.

With that both Ikuta and Oguri move across the room, nearly knocking Jun back with the force of their hugs. Jun complains the whole time as they squeeze him tight. Ikuta even plants a big kiss on Jun’s forehead.

“We’ve missed all your whining, Junnosuke,” Ikuta says.

“Yukie-san,” Jun grumbles, “I’m so sorry you have to babysit today. It wasn’t my intention.”

But Yukie seems fairly content with how she’s choosing to spend her morning. “Boys, let me put my beach bag together, and we can all get moving.”

“Take your time,” Oguri says softly.

Sho follows her upstairs, changing quickly into swim trunks. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he shuts the door to his room, ‘Do Not Disturb’ tag in his hand almost instinctively after so many days in a row.

He changes his mind, opening his door again and leaving the tag inside. He supposes that Jun will need at least one ally in the house the next two days.

/ / / / /

True to his word, Jun does come along later. Just in time for lunch at Triple Kitchen. 

Sho lets the three friends walk ahead toward the tent in the distance while he hangs back with his mother. “While you were in the water, I made a call,” Yukie tells him.

“Is that so?”

“Actually, I made two.” She gives him a teasing poke. “Since you boys were having so much fun.”

His mother tells him that her first call was to Ninomiya-sensei. She’s been on the new medication regimen for nearly three weeks now, and she diligently reported to him all of her good days and not-so-good days. Unless her condition changes, she is to stick with the current dosages until her next appointment with the doctor in mid-September.

“Do you feel better than you did before, Mom?”

Their pace slows as they move through the hot sand, moving around other towels and beachgoers. “Yes and no,” she admits to him. “I let it go too long this last time, so I caused a lot of trouble for myself. Trouble for you and Papa.”

“It’s not any trouble…”

She smiles bitterly. “Some days I wake up and I feel like I have so much energy. And then on others I don’t. And because I don’t, it’s very easy to feel bad about it. I ask myself what’s wrong, why am I not going at the same pace I was yesterday? It’s so easy to be disappointed in yourself.”

“I’m sure it is.”

“But Ninomiya-sensei said that’s okay. He says cherish the good days, the high energy days. He says to recognize them for what they are - they’re days to get things done! And then he says when my energy is lower, it’s okay to simply relax and rest. So long as I still try my best, take my pills, write things down in my planner, it’s okay. But of course that’s easier said than done. I pray every single night that you and Maya and Sou never know what it feels like to wake up on one of those not-so-good days.”

He wraps an arm around her shoulder, squeezing tight.

“Ninomiya-sensei is right,” he tells her. “I’m glad you talked to him. And who else did you call?”

She chuckles a little. “I called your Papa. I reported to him as I always do.”

He lets her go, looking down at her curiously as they get into line. “You always do?”

“He is my husband, after all. Now you may not have a very high opinion of him sometimes, at least when it comes to when I have my not-so-good days, but he’s been with me from the beginning,” she says.

“Where is he now, Mom?” he can’t help complaining. “He’s not here, is he? He’s at home.”

She smiles anyhow, unbothered. “He’s been with me from the beginning,” she says again, her hand over her heart. “He’s seen the good days, and he’s seen the very bad days. He’s seen the days when they didn’t have the pills they have now either. You may not agree with me, I know Maya doesn’t, but your father did his best with me. No matter how busy he got, he always did his best. Weaker men might have given up. Weaker men might have left me in those hospitals for good. But he knew when he married me that I have not-so-good days, that I have utterly rotten days. He still said yes.”

Sho tries not to roll his eyes. Maybe he’ll never understand. Does his father really deserve a prize for basic decency?

His mother’s words are competing with Aiba’s shouts, with the other noisy employees under the tent. Sho gently brings his hand to his mother’s shoulder, letting her stand in front of him in the long lunch queue.

She turns back to look at him. “Sho-chan. Find someone who will be there on the utterly rotten days. It’s easy to find someone for the good days. But find someone who will still be there on the rotten ones.”

Sho feels weak, disappointed when he sees the happy look on Aiba’s face, sees the way he greets Shun and Toma, the big grin he saves for Jun. There’s a whole universe here, a history here, the Onjuku summer crew. Though Jun’s friends are only here for two days and Sho’s here for the whole month, he still feels like an outsider, an interloper. He feels like the Onjuku he experiences will never be the same one shared by Jun, Aiba, Toma, Shun…probably even Ohno.

He shakes the depressing thoughts away, finally making it to the front of the line.

Aiba’s smile is the same as it’s been every time. “Welcome, Sho-chan! What can I get you?”

He takes a glance at the menu. Whatever he’s feeling, at least the food will be good. “Today I’ll try your fish sandwich.”

“And you’ll need a beer, right?”

“Sure.”

“Coming right up.” Sho digs around in his wallet, forcing himself to look away when Aiba calls out his order. 

Sho knows that nothing’s changed. He looks down the counter, sees how happy Jun looks, standing between his friends, waiting for his food. Relaxed. None of the tension in him that he’d had the last time they came to Triple Kitchen.

Sho knows that nothing’s changed. But it feels like almost everything has.

/ / / / /

He almost stays home when the guys pack up to go to the marina the following morning, not wanting to intrude on their time together. But then his mother says she’ll be going over to the Ohno house for the day so Sho doesn’t have to worry about her being alone. She doesn’t have to say so, but it’s obvious that Yukie is still hopeful about her “Matsumoto-kun is single” notion, even though she doesn’t know the full story.

Sho can see that Jun looks tired that morning, wearing his sunglasses and his cap as Shun expertly pilots their rental boat away from the marina. Sho went into his room around 10:00 the night before, but he could still hear muffled laughter coming from the second floor balcony long after that. Sho wonders what Jun’s friends think of his precious Kogo-sama. 

They don’t go that far out, and they can still see the shoreline in the distance when Shun kills the engine. A half-assed argument starts over the fact that nobody brought a radio. When the shit-talking winds down, they drink, eat lunch, talk about their lives. 

Toma wants to learn all the strange teen slang that Sho’s managed to pick up from overhearing his students talk to each other. Jun wants to hear about the people visiting Shun’s bar, the weirder the better. And after they’ve thoroughly exhausted those topics, Shun wants to know what Ohno’s up to.

“Not me?” Jun complains. “You’d rather know about that guy than about me?”

“What more is there to learn about you that we won’t learn when you’re back in September?” Toma grumbles.

Sho can’t help interrupting. “What’s in September?”

“That’s when I go home,” Jun says.

“And where is home?”

“Sho-kun, you’ve been stuck with this guy every day for more than two weeks and you don’t know anything about him?” Toma asks before gesturing at Jun with his beer can. “Why do you always have to act so mysterious? There’s nothing mysterious about you.”

Jun laughs. “Shut up.”

Toma gets up, moving to sit beside Sho. “This is all you need to know about Matsumoto Jun. Unlike the rest of us who have to work to earn a living, this guy can just drop everything and come live at the beach two months out of the year.”

“Because he’s loaded,” Shun adds.

At that Jun looks a bit annoyed. “Hey. Come on.”

“Loaded?” Sho asks.

“Rich! Wealthy! Flush with cash! Whatever term you prefer. All thanks to his illustrious career!” Toma continues.

“Toma. Stop.”

But Toma doesn’t stop, wrapping an arm around Sho. He’s drunk, doesn’t seem to notice the effect he’s having. Sho can only watch as Jun’s obvious discomfort grows. This isn’t like the usual teasing, where Jun gives back as much as he gets. 

“The world famous Matsumoto Jun,” Toma says, sounding rather proud. And rather annoyed that Jun isn’t bragging about it himself. “International dance superstar!”

“You can Google him,” Shun suggests, and Sho can see that Jun’s had just about enough.

Sho holds up his hands, trying for a laugh. “It’s alright, it’s alright. I don’t need to know everything, I’m just a guest…”

“Paris and London and New York and wherever the hell else. Likely breaking hearts all along the way, that’s Junnosuke for you,” Toma jokes.

Shun laughs. “He was the most popular guy at our 10-year reunion, that’s for sure.”

“Although,” Toma continues, “It wasn’t the superstar thing that made him rich. It was me, the not yet world famous financial advisor Ikuta Toma, who knows all the best stocks. By the way, Sho-kun, if you’re looking to invest, I wouldn’t be afraid of it. We’ve got plenty of teachers, professionals in that kind of pay grade looking to speculate in the market a bit. People are always saying that they don’t make enough to risk it, but I can put together an investment plan that’s guaranteed to…”

“Why don’t you just leave him the fuck alone?” Jun snaps, and they fall silent. “Stop talking about me. Stop talking about money. Just fucking stop.”

“Jun-kun…” Shun mumbles.

Toma looks embarrassed, not helping matters by moving away from Sho to open the cooler and grab another beer. “Sorry. Really. I’m sorry. I just…how was I supposed to know you didn’t tell him this shit…”

Jun doesn’t say anything, turning slightly so he’s looking out at the horizon, away from them. The boat bobs up and down on the water, Toma and Shun exchanging concerned glances. If Sho had stayed back at the house, this argument might never have happened. And he’s more confused than ever.

Matsumoto Jun, international dance superstar. _You can Google him_. What did that even mean? Jun was famous? Jun was rich? Then how did he end up in Onjuku? If his life was so privileged, why did he spend his summers waiting on people hand and foot? 

“Somebody’s parasailing over there,” Shun announces once the lull in conversation becomes unbearable. 

Sho and Toma watch with little enthusiasm.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Jun eventually says, though he doesn’t turn back around.

“I deserved it,” Toma admits.

“My guests usually aren’t too curious about me anyway.”

Sho finds that hard to believe.

Talk shifts away from money, from Jun’s intriguing past that everyone in the boat but Sho knows about. Shun talks a little about his kids. Toma talks about his wife, the cooking class they’re taking together as a couple. Sho tries his best to shift the teasing away from Jun, explaining how terrible he is in the kitchen. 

“Take a class,” Toma encourages him. “Honestly I thought it was going to be way over my head, but you can find some that start with the absolute basics.”

“Like which end of the knife to hold, Sho-san,” Shun teases, giving him a knowing and almost grateful look for trying to defuse the odd situation.

Sho regales the group with tales of his failures and minor successes. He made a hard-boiled egg a few weeks back, got it just right. Even Jun can’t help but laugh at him for it. Their eyes meet, and Jun’s irritation seems to fade a little. The worst of it is over.

They make it back to the marina mid-afternoon, where Shun announces in a silly accent that he is in the mood for a “siesta.” All four of them end up napping in their respective rooms for an hour or two before Yukie returns from the Ohno house, kindly requesting an escort to Triple Kitchen for dinner.

She receives three eager volunteers…and one son who will go because she asked.

Toma and Jun trail behind them, and by the time they make it to the tent, it seems that Jun’s in a better mood. More apologies may have been offered. Sho at least hopes they were. The friends appear to have sorted out their disagreements.

Aiba’s thrilled to see them all for a second day in a row, invoking the “Super Special Ikuta-Oguri discount.” Jun, Yukie, and Sho eat for free - Toma and Shun pay double.

“You’re a lousy guy, Aiba-chan!” Toma laughs, actually trying to shove twice as much cash into Aiba’s hand. He refuses to take it, and then Shun tries to do the same before Aiba threatens to throw their extra bills and coins in the sand. In the end, Toma and Shun split the bill for all five of them.

Sho has never met an odder assortment of people.

He’s invited to go out with them that evening, the three friends planning to go to the beach with some firecrackers like they’re a bunch of kids. Since they’re going out after dark, Aiba is planning to meet up with them.

Toma. Shun. Jun. Aiba. 

Sho knows they’ll want to bullshit with each other. They probably all know one another’s secrets. If Sho’s there, out of the loop, it’s just a risk they don’t need to take. He doesn’t want to learn something about Jun (or Jun and Aiba) that Jun had no intention of telling him. He’s just a guest, Sho reminds himself. 

He’s not their friend. He’s just a guest.

He declines, asking Jun if he can read on the balcony. 

“You don’t have to ask me,” Jun says, grinning. “I’ve been very neglectful of Kogo-sama today, I’m sure she’ll appreciate the company.”

Sho bids them a good night, standing in the kitchenette as they go out the back door. Jun seems in a much better mood. He’s probably relieved, Sho tells himself. Relieved he doesn’t have to worry about what his friends say in front of you. Relieved that he can be with the people who know him best, love him best. When he’s with his friends, he can be himself. And when he’s with Aiba…

He turns around, and his mother’s been listening in, standing on the stairs instead of going up and to bed.

“Sho-chan,” she says softly. “You don’t have to stay behind because of me. I’m so sorry if I gave you that impression…”

“Of course not,” he says, moving over to rest his hand over hers on the wooden bannister. “It’s not that. They’re all friends. And Matsujun should be able to be with his friends instead of being in host mode all the time.” 

She seems disappointed with his answer. 

“I think I’ll call and check in with Sou-chan and then get to sleep.”

“Have a good night, Mom.”

“Good night.”

He washes up, changes into a comfortable t-shirt and shorts. The balcony is a little chillier tonight, and he makes it maybe five pages in to his book before giving up. He looks up. Kogo-sama watches over him, unmoving.

He grabs his phone against his better judgment, types the name “Matsumoto Jun” into Google. There are other people with that name who come back, people that he knows aren’t the one he’s looking for. So he adds “dance” to his search. He clicks on something, but the website times out. He clicks on the next one and finds an article from a little more than fifteen years ago. It notes that Matsumoto Jun of Tokyo (18) has passed an elite audition for a modern dance troupe in America called the Haley Alvin Dance Theater. He will be moving to New York for training.

Sho searches again, this time without using Japanese characters. The most recent article is from six years ago, published in a magazine Sho’s never heard of. It’s in English. And it’s not really an article. It’s from a news and announcements section. As far as his limited English tells him, it states that Jun Matsumoto has announced his retirement from the Haley Alvin Dance Theater at age 27.

He doesn’t know much about dance, ballet or modern or otherwise, but 27 seems a bit…young? As he looks through more English articles, he gets the feeling that Jun’s retirement was probably unexpected. Toma described Jun as “world famous” and it seems that within the modern dance world he was for a time. 

Sho’s English skills are severely lacking, and in some articles he doesn’t recognize much more than “Jun Matsumoto.” But he finds things about the dance troupe where his name is included. Performances around the world. London. Paris. Tokyo. Zurich. Dubai. New York. San Francisco.

One article has a picture of the troupe, and there’s no mistaking that face, those eyes. He’s a little slimmer, but it’s him. Jun’s in the very center of the photograph, the absolute focal point.

So it’s all true.

“World-renowned dancer” wouldn’t have been his first guess if he’d been asked what he thought Jun had done before coming to Onjuku. Though Jun may not be training his body for it any longer, there’s no mistaking the graceful way he still moves around. 

He finally gives up on his stalking, setting his phone beside him. He rubs his hands across his face. Part of him is ashamed for sitting in Jun’s own home and looking for information about him online. And another part of him is a little upset, a little confused that Jun didn’t think this was information worth sharing. Jun knows pretty much everything about Sho’s job, Sho’s relatively boring life. Hell, Sho knows more about the lives of Jun’s friends, more about Toma and Shun, Nagase and Ohno. Even Aiba’s life seems pretty straightforward.

Sho can’t help asking aloud, knowing only Kogo-sama can hear him. Kogo-sama, the gift Jun received from a teacher. Not a social studies teacher.

“Why did you quit?”

His question must go unanswered, at least tonight, because it’s late and he’s tired. He goes to bed, wondering what would cause someone so young to quit a career like that. To maybe even give up on his dreams.


	5. Chapter 5

He sleeps terribly, waking a few times during the night, tossing and turning for the rest. He gets up only when he hears that Toma and Shun are leaving. He shakes hands, stands around uselessly while Jun helps them pack up Shun’s car.

The car idles in front of the house for a while so Toma can write down his phone number and email address on Sho’s palm, the pen feeling halfway between ticklish and painful. He’s actually serious about meeting up with Sho sometime to talk about his financial options. Sho accepts it simply to be polite.

“Get out of here already,” Jun complains. “Writing on my guests. You guys are such assholes.”

Shun laughs. “It’s a really good thing you don’t have a TripAdvisor page. We’d destroy you.”

“Yeah, I’m petrified. Anyhow. Do you have everything?” Jun asks, reverting in an instant to host mode. “I’ll run in and do a final check.”

Sho turns away from the passenger side window, Toma’s email address tattooed on his skin. 

“Sho-kun,” Toma says quietly just after Jun goes inside.

He turns back. “Yeah?”

“I know it’s not my place…”

“It’s really not,” Shun says pointedly, but Toma waves him off.

Toma smiles. “I know it’s not my place, but um…please keep Jun in your favor.”

Sho hopes he’s not turning red. “O-okay…?”

“He gets lonely. Really easily,” Toma continues.

“Toma…” Shun warns his friend, but Sho can see a seriousness in Toma’s eyes that hasn’t really been evident the last two days. 

“So just…snap him out of it if you can. If he gets that way.”

“Sure. Right.” He lets the words fall from his lips. “Aiba-kun’s here too.”

Toma looks at him as though Sho’s said something strange, but then Jun’s coming back outside, waving a sock.

“Whose stinky foot does this belong to?” Jun asks, leaning past Sho and halfway into the car to fling it into the backseat without waiting for an answer. 

“You’re a hero, Matsumoto Jun,” Toma says, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. “The finder of lost socks.”

“It’s mine,” Shun admits, laughing. “Thanks. I’ll call you later.”

“And I’ll call you even later,” Toma jokes.

Jun gives the hood of Shun’s car a hard smack before stepping back, waving goodbye. Sho stands behind him, waving a bit robotically, uncertain what Toma was even talking about. Do Toma and Shun know about Jun and Aiba? 

Jun does seem a bit quiet once his friends have gone, declining Sho and Yukie’s invitation to the beach. The weather is unfriendly again, and a light drizzle starts in the afternoon, forcing them to pack up the beach chairs and umbrella and head back to the house. 

By then, Jun’s completed his cleaning. A note on the kitchenette table says he’s back to his “serious reading,” but to knock on his door if they need him. Yukie opts for soap operas and tea, Sho goes back to his stack of books.

It’s already dark when Jun taps on his door, waits for Sho to allow him in. “What do you like on your pizza?”

He’s thankful that he’s still wearing a t-shirt and shorts. The other day he’d fallen asleep while reading in his room, wearing only his underwear. 

“I’ll eat anything.”

Jun’s embarrassment is endearing, the tips of his ears red. “She wants to pay for it. She won’t let me split the cost with her. She keeps paying for my share, Sho-san.”

“You should be around whenever we stay with my aunt and uncle in Gunma,” Sho tells him. “She puts a wad of cash in an envelope and leaves it behind in their medicine cabinet or under a stack of towels in the bathroom.”

“What?” Jun laughs. “Why?”

“Because my aunt, her sister, says family always stays for free. And that includes meals, drinks, entertainment, everything. For all five of us, more if one of us kids brings along a significant other. So my mom gets sneaky. Usually by the time my aunt finds the envelope of ‘thank you for your hospitality’ money, we’re long gone.”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” Jun says quietly. “But I absolutely love your mother.”

He smiles in reply. He’s grateful that Jun gets to see Yukie as everyone should see her. He wishes that Yukie would see herself that way more often.

“So do I.”

Jun scratches the back of his neck, clearly still uncomfortable with all the free meals he’s received as host. “I’ll let her pick the pizza toppings then. I’ll let you know when it arrives.”

/ / / / /

The three of them split the pizza from a local place, sitting lazily around the kitchenette table. The drizzle has turned into a harder rain. “Everything I read says it’ll stop by midnight,” Yukie says, rubbing at her shoulder. “But sometimes it makes me stiff.”

Sho sees Jun’s face light up. “Do you ever go get massages, Yukie-san?”

“I’ve been to a spa once or twice. It’s quite nice, but it’s a bit extravagant.”

Jun smiles. “How about a free one? I’ve been told I’m not half bad.”

His mother smiles in return. “I accept.”

Sho boxes up the pizza and cleans while Jun gets up, begins gently massaging Yukie’s stiff shoulders. He’ll feel less guilty about eating the pizza Yukie paid for now, Sho imagines.

“Oh, you’re very good!” Yukie praises him, and Sho can see her relax more and more as Jun’s deft fingers work their magic.

Sho’s just about to leave the room when Jun speaks again.

“You’re next.”

He turns, confused. Jun’s watching him with a serious expression. “I don’t need one,” he mumbles.

Jun shakes his head. “You do need one. I’ve had three weeks to watch the way you sit at this table. Always hunched over. I’ve had all that time to watch the half-assed way you stretch at the beach before you swim or start paddling out with a board. Totally stiff. Totally inflexible.”

Jun would know, Sho realizes. A dancer would notice these things about another person. That’s all there is to this strange offer. That’s all there is to Jun saying he’s been watching him that closely for almost three weeks. That’s all there is to Jun wanting to give him a massage.

“Don’t say no,” his mother says, voice rather blissful. “He’s very good. Much better than your father.”

“Ugh…Mom, come on,” Sho moans, slumping back into a chair at the table to wait his turn. “Don’t tell me things like that.”

His mother and Jun both laugh at his discomfort. Typical.

He finally hears her sigh, reaching up to pat Jun’s hand with her own. “Jun-kun, that was simply heavenly, but I need to get to bed.”

“Of course.”

As Yukie gets up, passing by, she runs her hand along the back of Sho’s shoulders. “My goodness,” his mother remarks, “you’re so young. There’s no reason for you to be like this! So tense!”

Sho doesn’t feel like telling his mother why he’s even more tense than usual.

“That’s what I’m saying, Yukie-san,” Jun says.

Yukie presses a kiss to the top of his head. “Good night.”

“Night, Mom.”

When she’s gone, Jun’s still standing behind the chair his mother left, resting his hands against the back of it. He grins. “I could get my extra special massage oils if you like.”

Sho scowls. “Very funny.”

“I don’t know, I think they smell good.”

He rolls his eyes, backing the chair up a little from the table. He does his best to sit up a little straighter. He keeps his hands folded in his lap, tries his best to relax. Since Jun just finished giving Yukie an identical massage, then there’s nothing to worry about. Nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing that would upset Aiba-kun if he decided to randomly break into the house at that moment.

“I’ve never seen anyone look so depressed about a massage before,” Jun laughs quietly, moving over to stand behind him.

Sho squeezes his eyes shut. It’s been almost a full year since anyone’s been this close to him, has touched him. Well, anyone he’s been attracted to anyway.

Jun’s hands rest gently on his shoulders. They’re warm. “If you really don’t want me to…”

“I want you to,” Sho admits selfishly.

It grows quiet. The rain taps a staccato sound against the window panes.

Sho breathes, Jun breathes. Jun seems to be assessing the situation before he gets started, fingertips brushing along Sho’s shoulder blades, the back of his neck. If he trembles, if he shakes…Jun will know.

The focus starts at his shoulders, Jun’s fingers starting out gently, kneading through his t-shirt. It actually does feel nice. He can see why his mother liked it. It’s not too hard, but there’s a steady pressure as Jun digs in a bit more with his fingers. It’s probably not the best place for this, sitting in a high-backed chair, but if Jun suggests a change of venue, a change of position, then Sho knows he can’t justify what they’re doing as innocent and harmless any longer.

Sho lets out a soft sigh, his head falling forward as Jun’s thumbs move lower, pressing in a little harder. He gives each area he can reach thorough attention, and with each passing moment, it feels better and better. And Sho finds the silence all the more frightening.

“So you go back home in September,” he decides to say. This doesn’t startle Jun, and he moves his hands slightly inward, thumbs pushing in along his spine.

“Yep.”

“Do you have to board up the house here?”

“No, nothing as elaborate as that. It never gets too cold or stormy here in the winter that I have to keep anything locked down. I come back for the weekend once in a while throughout the year, but otherwise Ohno-kun or Aiba-kun come by to check on the place every few days, make sure everything’s in order.”

“And the rest of the year…?”

“I’m in Tokyo.”

“Oh,” Sho says, jerking a little in surprise. 

“Sit still,” Jun teases him.

“Sorry.” 

Jun’s massaging fingers hit just the right spot, almost in retaliation, and Sho can’t help but groan in happiness. He can feel himself growing aroused despite his best efforts, keeping his hands firmly in his lap to hide the evidence.

“Jackpot,” Jun whispers.

“Mmm hmm.”

He quiets down again, wanting to keep up his questioning but fighting against Jun’s amazing touch and trying to ignore his body’s reaction to it is leaving him weak. He’s surprised when Jun is the one to speak first a minute or so later.

“You said your school’s in Suginami, right?”

“Yeah. It’s not far from Ogikubo Station. I’m a little further out. My place I mean. I’m near Kichijoji.”

“I’m by Koenji.”

Sho can’t help turning in the chair, looking up at Jun. “You’re kidding.”

Jun looks annoyed with him, smacking him lightly. “You’re just going to wrench your back or your neck and ruin everything I’ve done.”

“You live four stops away from me.”

“Yeah.” Jun gives him another tap. “Now turn around.”

Sho doesn’t know what to do with this information, but he turns around as ordered, still shocked. They’re on the same train line. Who knows how long they’ve been on the same train line? Who knows how many times they might have been in one another’s neighborhoods? Tokyo is big, Tokyo is sometimes unfathomably large. And yet Jun’s been four stops away, ten months out of the year, ever since he…

He shuts his eyes, ashamed. Jun’s still keeping up his steady rhythm, fingers easing away the tension of three long weeks and who knows how many before. Sho’s lost count.

“I did what Oguri-kun suggested,” Sho admits. He can’t sit here any longer and keep this from him. He can’t benefit from Jun’s kindness like this without coming clean. “I…I Googled you.”

Jun’s hands stop moving, but he doesn’t take them away.

“Find anything interesting?”

Sho looks straight ahead, listening to the rain, feeling the warmth of Jun’s hands through his shirt. “Yeah. I did. Just like Toma-kun said. You were a dancer overseas.”

“And?”

“You joined when you were 18 and quit when you were 27. And in the middle you traveled the world,” he says. “Sounds exciting.”

He hears Jun let out a heavy breath behind him before he starts to massage again, picking up where he left off. “It was.”

“I’m sorry for looking that up instead of just asking you, but then…I got the impression you didn’t want me to ask.”

Jun’s laugh is soft, gentle. “You’re very nice, Sho-san. And very honest.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Jun’s touch is slower now. “World famous is a bit of a stretch, I’ll admit it. Toma can exaggerate.”

“But you were good. You had to be good, right? I mean, you passed an audition.”

“I did. And I wasn’t bad.”

“Wasn’t bad,” Sho scoffs. “I saw an article with your picture, and you looked like the star.”

Jun laughs again. “You’ve done some diligent homework on me, Sho-san.”

He shakes his head. “I couldn’t read any of it. That’s just…based on context.”

“Well, I will say that I wasn’t the lead in any performances until I was 26. It’s a prestigious troupe.”

“And why did you, a Japanese person, audition for it?”

Sho’s only realized now that Jun’s hands have moved away from his back, settling on his arms, rubbing up and down in a relaxing, almost affectionate manner. “Because I had a teacher who believed in me. She said that language wasn’t going to get in the way. She said they only had to see me move. And I was pretty conceited in high school, so naturally I believed every nice thing she had to say about me. Nino told you how cocky I was back then already.”

He smiles. The infamous King, the infamous Junnosuke.

“Is this the teacher who gave you Kogo-sama?”

“Correct. I’d been taking dance classes with Nakata-san since I was eight. It was the first time they’d held auditions in Japan before, and I was about to start my last year of high school. She said if I didn’t try that I’d regret it. And I passed.”

Sho suspects there’s a lot more Jun could tell him. What it was like moving so far away from home. Traveling the world and likely living out of a suitcase. Performing for adoring crowds. The money he made, the money he took and obviously invested wisely with Toma’s help to support himself after an early retirement. But he decides to let Jun reveal only as much as he chooses.

“Kogo-sama was a gift when I came home. She lived in Nakata-san’s dance studio for several years, at least as long as I’d been going there. And not long after I came back to Japan, Nakata-san was retiring and asked if I wanted Kogo-sama.”

“So Kogo-sama spends two months of the year at the beach, and the rest in Koenji.”

“That’s right. A rather pampered bonsai, if I do say so myself.”

They quiet down again. Jun’s hands keep working their magic. Sho hopes he’s not going to get any cramps in his hands, in his fingers.

He doesn’t know how much time passes before Jun speaks again.

“It’s okay. It’s okay if you want to know.”

Sho shakes his head. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

“Whenever someone finds out about me, it’s the first thing they ask. ‘You were only 27, what the hell happened,’” Jun says. 

Sho says nothing, so Jun keeps going. His voice is almost bitter.

“They ask why I stopped dancing. And I’ve lied. I’ve lied almost every time. I’ve described injuries. I’ve told people I was fired. Or that I quit over a pay dispute. Or that I wanted to go home. I’ve even told people I got caught having an affair with another dancer’s girlfriend. I’ve been very creative over the years.”

“Which lie are you going to tell me?” Sho asks softly.

“I wasn’t planning to lie to you.”

“Even though I pried into your personal life?”

“Toma says I should stop being mysterious.” Jun’s hands still, and Sho nearly gasps when Jun squeezes his arms, almost desperately. As if confirming for himself that Sho is here, that Sho is real. “And since you got caught up in the fight I had with Aiba-kun, I think you should know.”

Sho can barely speak. What does Aiba have to do with this? “Okay.”

“There was a dancer I was mentoring. She was also from Japan. Not many of us get selected since there’s not a lot of auditions for Haley Alvin overseas. She joined up when I was 24, and I guess…I don’t know, I guess I tried to play the big brother role with her. Her parents would call me, asking how she was. They asked me to help her out. I was glad to do it.”

Jun’s grip on him loosens a little as he tells his story.

“Couple years go by, and the work changes a little. I started getting bigger roles to play, a solo here and there. I didn’t really have as much time for Natsu any more. So I didn’t really notice anything was wrong with her,” Jun says, struggling to get his words out. “She tried and tried to talk to me, I kept blowing her off. Work was important, work was always too important. She and I were in Haley Alvin, the pressure never lets up. I handled it. It was hard, but I handled it. Natsu…Natsu needed me, and I wasn’t there for her.”

“Oh no,” Sho mumbles, heart aching at how sad Jun sounds. He needs only to turn in his chair, and he knows he’ll see that Jun’s close to tears.

“I wasn’t the one who found her,” Jun says. “But I was the one who had to call her parents and try to explain why I didn’t notice. Why I didn’t help her.”

Now Sho knows why Nino sometimes sends patients here. Specifically here, to the Hidamari Guest House.

“So I didn’t get hurt. I didn’t get fired. And I didn’t have an affair.” He hears Jun take a deep breath. “We were in the middle of a tour. I told the people in charge that I was going to bring Natsu home. They said I’d be breaking my contract. There’s always someone they can replace you with, someone’s always waiting for their chance. So I quit and brought her home. Going back was never an option in my mind.”

“I’m sorry.”

“She was from here. From Onjuku. So that’s why I come here. I give my summer to Natsu.”

Sho wonders if Jun’s managed to forgive himself. If he’ll ever be able to. 

He moves forward, wiping his eyes. Jun’s hands slip away as Sho gets out of the chair, gets to his feet. He turns and he sees complete trust, complete honesty in Jun’s face. His eyes are red, tears roll down his cheeks. Sho wants to reach out, take Jun in his arms. He wants to say it’s not his fault. What happened to Natsu was not Jun’s fault. It was the illness’ fault. Whatever Natsu had was likely similar to what Sho’s mother has dealt with her whole life. 

But Sho can’t say anything like that. He can’t tell Jun how to feel. He can’t give Jun any more comfort than his words. He leans back against the table, keeping his guilty urges to himself.

“Thank you for telling me. I’m very sorry.”

Jun nods. “It’s not something that comes up naturally in conversation. I hope you haven’t felt like I’ve been trying to hide anything.”

“No, of course not. Of course not.”

“I’m glad you know. If you were going to learn about it, I wanted it to come from me directly.”

He can’t help but ask. “About what you said earlier. What does this have to do with Aiba-kun?”

Jun doesn’t wipe his grief away. He leaves it there for Sho to see. Unashamed of it. 

“A reporter from some tabloid magazine came to Onjuku a few weeks back, before you and your mother came here. I guess the reporter had heard I lived in town, wanted to get my take on Natsu’s death. It was for…I don’t understand this, but I guess they were doing some trash series on celebrity suicides. Triple Kitchen’s the big draw in town, the best place to start poking around, asking questions. Aiba sent this asshole straight to the house, didn’t ask who they were or why they were looking for me. He didn’t mean any harm, I know…”

“What did you do?”

Jun grins bitterly. “To the reporter? I told him if he came near my house again, I’d kill him. And Aiba-kun? Well, you probably have an idea how that went.”

Yes, Sho thinks, remembering Jun’s anger that day, yanking up weeds. Yes, Sho thinks, remembering the day Jun and Aiba’s conflict had ended. It had been five hours before Jun returned.

“Sorry to make you dredge up unhappy memories, even if you wanted to share them with me. But it means a lot, knowing that you understand.” Sho meets his eyes. “You understand what my mom is dealing with.”

“Yeah. I do. But it seems like being here has helped her. I’m happy for it.”

“I’m happy, too. Thank you, Jun.”

He realizes the slip, eyes widening, but before he can apologize for being so informal, Jun’s moving away. He’s heading for his rooms.

“Your brother will be here Friday,” Jun says, putting space between them. Because why shouldn’t he. “Is he as loud as your sister?”

“No, not even close,” he replies, trying to keep his voice lighter.

“Good,” Jun says, laughing. “I think she’d get along way too well with Toma and Shun. I’m glad their dates didn’t overlap here.”

“Right. Well.” How do you say ‘thanks for the massage’ to someone? “Sleep well. Don’t stay up too late with the classics.”

Jun nods, opening his door. “Don’t stay up too late with your mysteries. Good night.”

Sho walks away. He makes it to the top of the stairs before he sits down, groaning. Everything he’s learned about Jun has only made his feelings stronger, his attraction stronger. And it’s not fair. It’s not fair to Aiba-kun. It’s not fair to Jun either, who has no idea what Sho’s feeling. Jun opened up his heart to him, Jun’s decided to trust him, and all Sho can worry about is how badly he wants him.

At the end of the month, Jun’s going to close up the Hidamari Guest House. He’s going to leave Onjuku behind. And then he’ll only be four stops away.

“Idiot,” Sho tells himself, allowing himself to sulk for only a little bit longer before getting to his feet and going to bed.

/ / / / /

Sho was already in junior high school when Sou was born. Maya is five years younger, so she and Sho have always been able to connect on some fundamental level. But Sou is thirteen years younger, from a completely different generation. His baby brother was starting kindergarten when he was getting ready to go to university.

Sho still makes references or jokes that his brother doesn’t quite get, but Sou has always readily nodded and smiled in reply to pacify him. Sou is the perfect balance between his siblings. Maya can be a little scatterbrained while Sho has been described on many occasions as a bit of a control freak. Maya is impulsive, Sho likes to plan. Sou, eight and thirteen years younger than his sister and brother, was able to observe them and develop into a level-headed person. He’s the most ‘go with the flow’ person Sho has ever encountered.

He picks his brother up from the Onjuku train station, and his presence fills Yukie with happiness. They haven’t seen him since his big move, and Sou calmly answers the dozens of questions they throw at him about his new job and new girlfriend, who wasn’t able to take time off work to come visit.

He’s never been into surfing, but he wants to try jet skiing and Jun suggests they go to Katsuura, where they can be rented. “Why don’t you come down with us?” Sou asks.

Where Sho assumes Jun’s answer will be a no, he surprises him with a “Sure, that sounds fun.”

The four of them pile into Sho’s car, Sou and his mom in the backseat (on Yukie’s stubborn insistence) and Jun in the passenger’s seat beside him. They leave Onjuku behind, the trunk of the car packed with a picnic lunch and the beach chairs. Yukie, sun hat perched on her head, looks at each of them firmly before they head off to the rental booth down by the small pier.

“I forbid you to go too fast,” she says, looking at them with a stern expression. “I forbid you to show off. And I especially forbid you from injuring yourselves. Be careful, that’s an order from your mother.”

“Yes, Mom,” Sho and Sou say dutifully.

Yukie turns her attention specifically to Jun, arms crossed. “I only heard from two of you.”

Today Sho can see that Jun seems happier. Perhaps telling Sho about Natsu and the dance troupe has relieved a burden for him. But it still surprises him when Jun puts his hand to his heart.

“Yes, Mom,” he replies, and Yukie seems pleased with his response.

“Off you go. Have fun.”

For safety reasons, only people with a license can ride alone or serve as a driver. Sou doesn’t have a jet ski license, and neither does Sho. But Jun does. “You can ride with Matsujun,” Sho says, but Sou shakes his head.

“You old guys will go too slow,” Sou teases, since the staff member from the rental shop looks closer to Sou’s age than theirs.

“Old guys?” Jun jokingly protests before turning to Sho. “Come on, Sho-san. Let’s show him what old guys can do.”

Sho rolls his eyes. No matter what, he’s going to be someone’s passenger today. They get a brief safety orientation and put on their life vests before they follow the staff member to the end of the dock. Sou sits behind his new friend while Sho reluctantly follows Jun onto another jet ski, sitting down on the seat behind him. They’ve paid for some 30-minute obstacle course “experience,” and he’s already panicking.

Jun turns the jet ski on, revving it a little in challenge to the staff member and Sou. “Hold on to me,” Jun says. “We’ll show Little Brother that we’re not here to take it easy.”

They’re both in t-shirts and trunks, and Sho does as he’s told, his arms wrapping around Jun’s middle at the bottom of his life vest. It’s hard not to watch Jun’s bared arms before him, watching his muscles flex a bit as he holds on to the handles and pilots them slowly away from the dock, following the staff member and Sou’s jet ski toward the obstacle course.

It’s nothing fancy, just a handful of brightly colored buoys in the water that they’re set to drive around, but Jun takes it very seriously. They can’t actually race each other, but Jun’s not shy about showing off, being competitive. They make some tight turns around some of the buoys, and Sho has no choice but to wrap his arms around Jun tighter or risk falling off into the water. 

The jet ski kicks up a torrent of water, and there’s a nice breeze that feels great as they glide over the waves. “We should go faster!” Jun shouts over the roar of the small engine, and Sho leans forward, close to his ear.

“Don’t be reckless!”

“You sound like your mom!”

He leans even closer so he can shout again. “Good!”

He can see the smile on his brother’s face as his jet ski comes flying around one of the buoys, heading back the way they’ve come. Meanwhile, Sho isn’t smiling. He’s got his eyes shut most of the time, hearing Jun let out whoops of joy with each sharp turn they make. Sho wonders if Jun’s annoyed by how tightly he’s holding onto him. 

Whether they have shown Sou what old guys can do or not, Jun returns them to the dock when their time is up with no less enthusiasm. They leave their life jackets behind, and Sho tries to control his wobbly legs after clinging to the jet ski (and Jun) for dear life. Jun’s still hyped up, practically dancing down the dock.

“We should help Mom go set up for lunch,” Sou says.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Sho replies. “I need a bathroom break.”

He’s lucky he didn’t wet himself on the jet ski during one of Jun’s more daredevil turns.

“Me too, be right back,” Jun says.

They head for the public restroom a short ways off from where Yukie has set up their beach camp for the day. Sho barely has a moment to realize what’s happening when the bathroom door shuts behind him, and Jun grabs him by the hand.

He doesn’t have a chance to think, to wonder if the bathroom is actually empty, because Jun is pushing him back against the wall. Sho nearly ends up smacking against one of the hand dryers but he thankfully misses. Jun’s damp, lean body is now pressed entirely against him, and Sho gasps in shock.

He’s confronted with Jun’s face mere inches from his own, those dark and dangerous eyes of his concentrating entirely on his mouth. “Jun,” he whispers, not sure what’s snapped in him since leaving the jet skis and coming in here.

Jun doesn’t reply, and Sho feels Jun’s breath against his face, feels Jun’s firm hand near his waist, under his shirt where bare skin meets swim trunks. It’s a ticklish gesture, and Sho nearly jerks away. Any moment now, someone is bound to walk into the restroom and see them.

“Jun,” he says again, a bit more sharply this time.

But Jun takes that as a challenge, and Sho allows their lips to meet for only a few seconds before he’s putting a hand between them, pushing Jun back. It’s one of the most difficult things he’s ever had to do.

“Wait.”

“Wait?” Jun asks, laughing a little. He’s looking at Sho like he thinks they’re on the same page on this. He runs his hand through his wet hair, slicking it back away from his face. It’s a ridiculously sexy move that would leave anyone weak in the knees, but right now Sho’s stomach is tying itself in knots. “Wait for what?”

He’s hurt. How can Jun say this? How can Jun even do any of this? 

Had it been this easy for Kohei? Was it so easy for him to forget the person he claimed to care about, to take what he wanted from somebody else?

“I’m not a cheater,” Sho says firmly, pushing Jun back with a little more force. “I’m not.”

He can see several different emotions flit across Jun’s face, but none of them seem to be shame. And for that, Sho is disappointed. The Matsumoto Jun of a few nights back, fuck, the Matsumoto Jun of the last few weeks seemed to be a kind person, a loyal and gentle person. He’s not sure who’s followed him into the public restroom at the Katsuura beach of all places, but it’s not the person Sho thought he knew.

“The hell are you talking about?” Jun asks him.

He’s going to pretend this is Sho’s fault? He thought he could get away with this? He thought it would be okay because he believes that Sho doesn’t know about Aiba?

“I actually have to use the bathroom,” Sho says awkwardly. “If you don’t mind.”

Jun steps back, a hurt look in his eyes. His voice is apologetic, but cold. “Sorry. I won’t make that mistake again, Sho-san.”

He leaves, and Sho stands there, back to the wall. He shuts his eyes, wondering how they could have gone from the respect and understanding from the other night to…

…whatever this is.

“Fuck,” he hisses, thumping the wall with his fist.

/ / / / /

They act very cordial around each other when they return for the picnic. Jun is polite, just as accommodating and host-like as always. It’s Sho who wants to be sick. Sho who has trouble saying a word. 

Is this his fault? Did he act too interested? Did he give himself away, even though he’s been struggling to hide his interest in Jun ever since he saw the two of them outside that night?

They leave Katsuura mid-afternoon, and Sou wants to wander around town, take in the sights. Jun tells them if he’s needed that they can just knock on his door. To Jun’s credit, his behavior isn’t suspicious enough to alarm Yukie, and the three of them spend the rest of the day wandering around town, saying hello to the camels as shame and guilt eat away at Sho.

When Yukie suggests they get dinner at Triple Kitchen, he reminds her of the fish in the fridge they have from the Ohno family. But he can’t avoid the place much longer when they hit the beach the next day as well, and Sou won’t stop talking about it. Apparently Maya’s been texting him about it all week, getting him excited for it.

They stand in line, his brother and his mother oblivious to Sho’s foolish problems. Aiba’s friendly, smiling when the Sakurai family arrives for yet another visit. Aiba’s simply Aiba. Sho nearly blurts out everything when Aiba leans forward, asking Sho how he’s doing.

I’m doing horribly, he wants to say. I’m doing horribly because your boyfriend tried to kiss me and acted like there was nothing wrong with it. I’m doing horribly because if things were different and I didn’t know about you, I’d have kissed him back.

He just orders his clam platter, offers a fake smile. Grins and bears it.

Jun barely emerges from his rooms, still putting on his friendly front for Yukie and Sou if he does come out, but the only times Sho sees him, it’s when he’s going out onto the balcony to attend to his beloved bonsai. Jun can’t meet his eyes now, so maybe he’s realized that Sho knows more than he originally thought.

Sho doesn’t know how things could have gone this badly so quickly. For the better part of a month, his crush on Matsumoto Jun has grown, been nurtured with each kindness, with each gentle tease, and with each glance. And when Jun told Sho what happened to him, about giving up dance, he thought it meant they were friends. Trusted confidantes at the very least. But Jun had crossed the line so easily. 

He keeps reliving it, though it had only been seconds. Jun’s giddiness as they walked up the dock, Jun shutting the door after them. Jun’s hand on him. His back hitting the wall. Jun so close he could taste him. He hates how badly he wanted it, despite everything. 

Kohei really fucked him up. An entire year, Sho’s kept himself from feeling anything. Because all he remembers is the night Kohei finally confessed, providing all the details without sounding sorry. Like a machine, not like a human being with a heart. 

_Sho, I’ve been cheating on you._

_It’s been going on a while._

_No, you don’t know him._

_Condoms? Most of the time, yeah._

_No, I don’t know how many times we didn’t use them._

_You really want me to count?_

_Look, it’s just hard for me sometimes. Being exclusive, that is. I can’t change that._

_Well, then if it’s going to be a problem, I can understand if you want to break up._

Those empty, cold words ring in Sho’s ears afresh. Two years that meant so much to Sho apparently meant nothing to his partner. So he simply stopped. He took himself out of the running. He took time to heal, to focus on work. To focus on his mother. But in focusing on his mother, he’s ended up here. In Onjuku. And now that he’s finally found someone who makes him smile, makes him wonder if it’s okay to try again, it turns out that he’s no different from Kohei.

Alright, Jun’s not Kohei. He’s not. 

But it hurts just as much, knowing what he knows about Jun. Knowing the person he is in all other circumstances. How could someone so kind do something so selfish?

Sou’s weekend wraps up without incident, and when Sho drives him to the train station, it’s only his first stop. He’s due back in Tokyo and he has two days of faculty meetings to attend. His father will not be coming to Onjuku, so Yukie will be entirely in Jun’s care. That at least Sho knows he can trust him to handle. Jun’s sweetness around Yukie was one of the reasons Sho fell for him in the first place.

He says goodbye to his mother, packing only his laptop bag to bring back home with him. He hugs his brother goodbye, wishing he’d been able to enjoy their time together more. He’s spent the last few days selfishly worrying about his own problems, lying to his mother and avoiding Jun as much as possible.

Maybe going home will do a firm reset, get him to stop feeling the way he feels about Jun. And maybe this time when he returns to Onjuku, Aiba and Jun won’t be kissing and laughing in the dark.

/ / / / /

It rains the next few days, and Sho can only laugh at how well it matches his mood. He focuses as best he can on work. The month had already started when he and his mother arrived in Onjuku, and he’s only just realized that this week will be the end of their stay. Today’s the 29th and August will be ending. School starts next week. Yukie has to go home, and he can only hope that the new medication regimen will keep her in better spirits, especially once she’s back in Tokyo, back to normal speed.

He’s wasted too many days worrying about Jun, about the guy who just runs the guest house, when he should have spent more time concerned with his mother. This whole month was supposed to have been about her. Her happiness, her vacation, her recovery. Sho’s let a wayward crush sap his wits. He’s let his own loneliness and anxiety take control.

His meetings at school went well, and in the morning he’ll do the long drive again. He plans to sleep in, take his time. For now, he’s eating some instant ramen and transferring photos from his phone to his computer and the external hard drive where he backs them all up.

He reaches the photo of himself standing behind the bronze camel’s ass when his phone rings. It’s not a number he recognizes, but it could be Jun calling about Yukie from a landline or someone else calling about Yukie. He answers quickly.

“This is Sakurai.”

“Sho-chan, Aiba Masaki here.”

This isn’t who he expected. “Aiba-kun, hi. Is everything okay?”

“Um, this is going to sound creepy, and I’m sorry, but can you let me come up? I didn’t want to just press the buzzer for your apartment out of nowhere.”

“I’m sorry, what’s that?” he stutters out, getting out of his desk chair. He walks through his apartment, moving to the small video intercom screen by his front door. He can see Aiba Masaki waiting in the downstairs entryway to his building, umbrella in one hand, cell phone raised to his ear in the other. “You’re here? What about your restaurant?”

“Sho-chan, can I please come up?”

“Okay.”

He presses the buzzer to let Aiba into the elevator lobby, giving him about two minutes to come to terms with the fact that Aiba Masaki has come all the way here from Onjuku to talk to him. If Aiba’s coming here to confront him, which seems a little dramatic for someone like Aiba, then why would he still be calling him “Sho-chan”?

He opens the door with an overwhelming feeling of dread, but Aiba doesn’t seem angry. Aiba leaves his wet umbrella and sneakers in the genkan, following Sho in. They make it to the living room before Sho can’t help exploding a little.

“How the hell did you get here? How do you know where I live?”

“I called Nino,” Aiba explains, and apparently Ninomiya-sensei is a close friend of Aiba as well. Which means that Aiba likely knows Yukie is his patient, maybe he has known all along. “He told me to go to hell, but then I said it was important and it was going to help Matsujun, so he gave it to me. Google Maps took care of the rest.”

Ninomiya only has Sho’s address because he’s Yukie’s emergency contact. Sho decides not to be annoyed about the breach of doctor/patient confidentiality. Well, doctor/patient’s son anyway.

“And to your first question, how I got here, that’s easy. I took the train.”

It’s trains, plural, Sho knows. To get here from Onjuku, it takes two trains and more than two hours. His watch tells him it’s 9:36 PM. It’s not likely Aiba will be able to get back home tonight, but he’s come anyway.

“Aiba-kun…”

“Before you say anything, let me ask you something.” He leans forward, resting his hands on Sho’s shoulders. “Do you like Matsujun?”

Sho’s eyes widen. “No…no…”

“Don’t lie to me,” Aiba prods, shaking him a little. “Please, just be honest.”

“Okay.” Sho takes a breath. It’s better that Aiba knows. “Yes.”

“Oh thank god!” Aiba says in relief, squeezing him hard and laughing. “I was freaking out the whole way here worrying that you were gonna say no.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Sho gently removes Aiba’s hands from him, lets them drop. “Aiba-kun, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to. I honestly had no idea what was going on, and as soon as I realized you two were together, I tried my hardest to keep my feelings for him to myself.”

Aiba laughs even harder, nearly doubled over. It’s an odd reaction, that’s for sure.

“Oh Sho-chan, no. Oh no, oh no, I was right…”

“You knew?”

Aiba wipes a tear from his eyes, but Sho doesn’t think it’s a sad one. Aiba’s having trouble looking at him without laughing. “You are such a bonehead. All you had to do was ask one of us! Instead of that, I’m guessing you’ve been torturing yourself and…oh, Sho-chan, I’m so sorry!”

He takes a step back, alarmed. “Can you please….please explain what the hell is going on here?”

Aiba takes him by the wrist, pulls him over to the couch and they sit down. Aiba looks about ready to burst with whatever information he needs to share.

“First off, let me be extremely clear about this.” Aiba overenunciates each word. “Matsujun. And. I. are. not. dating.”

Sho stares at him.

“We. are. not. together.”

“I don’t understand,” Sho mumbles. “I saw you…”

To his surprise, Aiba doesn’t look angry. He looks even more amused. “Sho-chan, tell me what you saw. Exactly what you saw. I already think I know, but I want to hear it from you.”

Sho is mortified, unable to look Aiba in the eye. What does he mean that he and Jun aren’t together?

“It was a while back. I had to come home for work, and the night I came back to Onjuku, I saw you guys. I…I parked my car and I was heading back for the house. But I saw the two of you outside, on the steps. You were talking, laughing about something. I didn’t realize what was happening until you…”

“Until we…?”

“I saw Jun kiss you, but I swear, I didn’t stay and watch like some pervert,” he says, barely getting his words out. “As soon as I saw you kiss, I walked away. I went around the back of the house, I don’t know, it wasn’t my business so I walked away. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry.”

“I see,” Aiba says, nodding. He pats Sho on the leg, encouraging him to look at him. When he does, he can see Aiba smiling. “Full disclosure, he and I used to fool around sometimes. Emphasis on used to.”

“What does that mean?” Sho can’t even put words to what he’s feeling right now.

“It means that, as I have already told you, Matsujun and I are not currently together. And what we may have had in the past was never serious. Because I can’t really be in a relationship with someone I see only two months out of the year. We’re just friends. I’m telling you, Sho-chan, we’re just friends and that’s the honest truth. I didn’t come all the way here to lie to you.”

Sho feels like a fool. He knows what he saw. “Then why did he kiss you?”

“Because we were drunk that night. And because he was lonely and he missed you, I told him that if he wanted, he could kiss me like he wanted to kiss you.”

Sho’s pretty sure that Aiba is speaking Japanese, that the words he’s just spoken were a full and complete sentence. And yet he’s not comprehending them. He’s completely flabbergasted, to the point that Aiba has to wave a hand in front of his face.

“Earth to Sho-chan,” Aiba teases. “Please come in. Do you read me? Earth to Sho-chan!”

He blinks. “I…what?”

Aiba takes his hands in his own, still laughing. “Sho-chan, are you really this dense? Matsujun is really into you.”

“I…I didn’t know what to do. What was I supposed to think, after seeing him kiss you?”

“He came complaining to me the other night that you told him you weren’t a cheater, and he had no idea what you were talking about. You should have heard him.” Aiba’s impersonation of Jun’s voice is spot on. “’I don’t get him, Masaki. I don’t get him at all! Yukie-san told me Sho isn’t dating anyone. Who is the cheater? Am I the cheater?’”

Sho’s even more alarmed that his mother has been dragged into this mess. From day one, Yukie had already managed to find out that Jun was single. But at some point in the last few weeks, Jun had deliberately sought out the same information about him. And there’s only one reason why Jun would ask her that.

“Oh my god,” Sho murmurs, holding his head in his hands.

“We all told him to go for it, we were so sick of him whining about it.” The Jun voice is back. “‘It’s too soon, I can’t. What if I’m not his type, I can’t…’”

“We?” Sho squeaks. “Who’s we?!”

“Me. Toma-kun. Shun-kun…even Oh-chan’s been texting me about it…”

“Oh my god,” Sho moans again.

Aiba wraps an arm around him, and Sho is so overwhelmed that he’s grateful for it, leaning against him.

“The two of you really have communication problems. You’re both so smart,” Aiba chides him. “I don’t get it at all.”

“I’ve barely known him for…”

“Sho-chan, when something feels right, does it matter how long it’s been? We’re in the age of Tinder, you know. The fact that two attractive, single people who clearly want each other have gone this long without doing something about it…it’s amazing.”

Sho quiets down. Aiba’s telling him again and again, telling him it’s true. That Sho hasn’t been reading things wrong from the start. He’s been reading them perfectly. The smiles, the teasing. Jun’s hand on his wrist to refill his wine glass. The massage. Jun finally giving in at Katsuura Beach. Jun has been broadcasting what he wants loud and clear.

Aiba’s voice is soothing, reassuring. “He really does like you. Don’t overthink it. We’re all cheering you on.”

None of this seems reasonable. None of this makes any sense. Sho has caused himself nothing but heartache because of that kiss he witnessed. A kiss that meant the complete opposite of what he thought. That night on the steps Jun had kissed Aiba, pretending it was Sho instead.

“How am I supposed to go back?” Sho asks, his voice cracking. “I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life!”

“Tell him what you’ve told me. Tell him what you saw. Or, you know, you don’t have to tell him anything right away. You could just kiss him. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that it works.”

He snorts before detangling himself from Aiba, getting to his feet. “What time do you have to open tomorrow? The restaurant? Stay here tonight, and we can leave early in the morning. As early as you need.”

Aiba stands up too, grinning, apparently happy that his efforts have not been in vain. Jun is lucky to have a friend like him. “Why don’t we leave now?”

“Now?” It’s after 10:00…they won’t get back to Onjuku until after midnight. “Why now?”

“Because I’ve seen a lot of movies and dramas in my life, and how you time your confession is really important.” Aiba smiles that perfect smile of his. “So it is my absolute pleasure to inform you that tomorrow is Jun’s birthday.”


	6. Chapter 6

The drive back is nervewracking, even with Aiba Masaki beside him in the car cheering him on. He’s a thirty-five year old man, and here he is driving through the mountainous highways of Chiba with another man his age cheering on his pending love confession.

Well, Aiba’s the one calling it a ‘love confession.’ All Sho knows is that he wants to see Jun again.

The long drive has been broken up with multiple phone calls, each more embarrassing than the last. Aiba has made his calls, put them on speaker. “I’m driving back with Sho-chan,” Aiba has told each person he’s called. “It’s gonna happen! It’s really gonna happen!”

So far Aiba has managed to call Oguri and Ikuta. He even left a voicemail for Ohno who will be up in a few hours to go out fishing. Shun and Toma, like Aiba, have offered their congratulations, their assurances that this grand and over-the-top effort on Sho’s part will work perfectly. They act as though they’ve been waiting for Sho to confess to Jun for years rather than a few weeks. It’s all a bit overwhelming, but each supportive cheer has helped Sho’s worries to lessen the slightest bit.

What a month it’s been.

They’re almost to the Onjuku city limits when he starts to get cold feet. Suddenly this whole plan sounds ridiculous. “I don’t want to wake him up,” Sho mumbles. The clock on the dashboard already reads 1:07 AM. “I don’t want to bother my mom either.”

Aiba gives him a little shove. “I think your mom would forgive you. Your mom likes Matsujun as much as you do.”

That much Sho knows is true.

Aiba lives just down the street from his restaurant, and Sho pulls up in front of his house. Thankfully the rain has stopped, and Aiba takes his umbrella, getting out of the car. Sho rolls the window down, and Aiba leans against the door.

“It’s going to be okay,” Aiba tells him quietly. “Jun is loyal, and Jun is kind. But then, I think you already know that.”

“I’m sorry for all the mess,” Sho replies.

“Get out of here. Go fix it.”

He waits until Aiba gets into the house, and he takes a breath, putting the car back in drive. He sits inside his car in the izakaya parking lot for at least ten minutes before he gathers the courage to get out, slinging his laptop bag around his neck. It’s almost a repeat of the last time as he walks through the lot, around the building. But this time the lights are out at the Hidamari Guest House.

He can’t remember which flower pot Jun uses, and he ends up setting his bag down, pulling out his phone and using the light on it to search around in the dark, lifting each pot and planter in hopes of finding the spare key quickly so he can get inside, knock on the door to Jun’s rooms. What should have taken seconds starts to take minutes and his frustration grows. Leave it to Sho to fuck up what should have been his big moment.

He starts to laugh quietly to himself, holding his phone aloft. He wonders if it’s not under one of the pots but inside one. He’s just about to start digging his fingers in the potting soil when the front door opens.

Sho’s crouched down, looking like a thief when the light over the door is turned on, and Jun’s standing there in that dowdy blue bathrobe of his, sash loosely tied.

“Looking for this?” Jun asks quietly, holding up the key.

Sho says nothing, caught red-handed.

“You’re early,” he says, slipping the key back into the pocket of his robe.

Sho gets to his feet, shoving his phone in his pocket, brushing his hands off on his jeans. This is his chance. He can confess. He can apologize. He can tell him what Aiba’s told him. He can also simply say nothing, stepping forward and kissing the hell out of him like he’s wanted to do for days.

But Sho is Sho. He’s not perfect. He’s been stuck in a disaster of his own making.

“Happy birthday?”

Jun’s working very hard to hide a smile. “Is that a question?”

“Happy birthday,” he says more decisively.

“Thank you.”

“Aiba-kun told me. I didn’t Google that.”

“I see.”

“I didn’t wake you up while I was fucking around out here, did I? I’m sorry.”

Jun shakes his head. “Like you said, it’s my birthday. I’ve been getting quite a few obnoxious messages. I haven’t gone to bed yet.”

The way Jun says ‘gone to bed’ has Sho just about ready to fall apart. He imagines Aiba, Toma, Shun, Ohno, his mom…all of them standing here. Do something already, they’d be saying. For goodness sake, what’s wrong with you?

“My boyfriend cheated on me,” he blurts out.

Jun’s watching him carefully, the amused look on his face fading. But he doesn’t look away.

Sho keeps going. “His name was Kohei. We’d been going out for about two years. It was the longest relationship I’d ever been in. But he’d been cheating on me almost the entire time. I don’t know how many people, I never really got a number. I’d trusted him, and when he told me what he’d done, he wasn’t sorry. That was what made me angriest. That he wasn’t sorry. He put me at risk, put my health at risk, because he didn’t care about me. It was a year ago that we broke up, and I haven’t been able to…I don’t know…I just haven’t been looking for anyone. Part of it’s been fear. Fear of getting hurt like that again, treated like that again. And the other part was thinking there’s something wrong with me, that it was all my fault. Thinking that…that maybe I’m not worth anyone’s loyalty. It sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud, I know it does. But that’s…that’s just how it is, and I need you to know that.”

He sniffs a little, trying to keep it together.

“I’m sorry for rambling on and on like this on your birthday, but you told me what you’ve been through. And of course what happened to me doesn’t even come close to that, but I know that you’ve probably been confused by how I’ve acted and what I’ve said to you. So that’s why I’m telling you this. Because I’ve misunderstood you and I’ve made assumptions about you that aren’t true. I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry. What you’ve done for my mom here, what you’ve done for me and my family these last few weeks, I don’t have the words for it. So I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Jun.”

He can’t say anything more. He’s almost out of breath.

So instead Jun speaks up.

“Come here.”

Sho manages to put one foot in front of the other, ending up one step down from Jun, looking up. It’s not like Katsuura, it’s not impulsive and enthusiastic. He stays a step down, and Jun reaches out his hand, stroking slowly along his face. He closes his eyes, aching for his touch. For what Jun’s been interested in all this time, for what Sho foolishly rejected.

He’s not afraid. He has no idea where this will lead, the path that lies ahead. Sho likes to plan, Sho prefers control. But he knows deep down that Jun isn’t Kohei. That Jun will never be Kohei.

He exhales, leaning up when he feels Jun press his lips to his forehead, hand cupping his face, his neck. Jun’s thumb strokes softly against his cheekbone. Forgiveness. Understanding. Relief. He feels them all with each touch Jun gives him.

He’s right where Aiba was standing that night, where he drunkenly but kindly offered to stand in Sho’s place. That fact is probably not lost on either of them. He feels Jun’s breath against his face, and he tilts a little to make the angle easier. And then Jun’s there, his kiss soft and sweet. Even a block away, Sho can hear the waves crashing against the shore like they always do. Steady, constant. Like Sho knows that Jun could be for him. And like Sho hopes he can be for Jun.

“Get your bag. I’ll fix what you’ve done to my flowers in the morning.”

Jun kisses him again, harder. Needier. Sho responds in kind, standing on his tiptoes to demand more. It almost hurts to stop, but they do. Sho goes back, lifts his bag from the ground, and they go into the house, dropping off shoes and in Jun’s case slippers. Jun’s holding his hand, tugging him along. They move quietly through the living room, through the kitchenette, through the open door to Jun’s rooms.

Sho leaves his bag somewhere in the corridor, following Jun into his room, shutting the door. His mom’s upstairs asleep, so they’ll have to keep quiet. There’s only a small lamp on by Jun’s bedside, leaving most of the bedroom in shadow. He registers a bed, a bookshelf, before Jun’s kissing him again.

He’s not surprised by how good of a kisser Jun is. Like most everything about him, he gives his full effort, his full attention. Sho feels almost like he’s just along for the ride, trying to kiss back, to demonstrate that he wants this just as much.

He can hear Jun’s phone pinging with texts, the noise muffled by the pocket of his robe. Sho grins, wondering if all of those texts are birthday messages or if Aiba’s getting ahead of himself, spreading even more gossip. Jun’s kisses leave him gasping, desperate to keep from crying out. His hands are just as greedy, moving under his shirt, tracing along his back before slipping lower, cupping and squeezing Sho’s ass through his jeans.

Sho keeps up, hands slipping between them to pull at the loose knot holding Jun’s robe closed. He gets it undone just as he’s allowed Jun to slip his tongue into his mouth, deepening their kiss and making Sho weak. He tugs at the robe, Jun offering very little help. Finally he yanks Jun’s hands away from his ass so he can get the robe off his shoulders, down his arms.

“You’re a real pain,” Sho complains, grazing his teeth along Jun’s bottom lip.

“Takes one to know one.”

The robe hits the floor with a thunk thanks to the phone, and Sho reaches out, reaches for whatever skin he can touch, map with his fingertips. Jun’s only got on a pair of tight boxer briefs that cling to him like a second skin. Jun groans when Sho’s fingers explore around, down his ticklish stomach, teasing at the waistband of his briefs.

Jun retaliates by bringing his hands back around front, knocking Sho’s out of the way. Jun makes quick work of Sho’s belt, unbuckling it and tugging it from him. They have to break apart so Jun can help him pull his shirt off. They pause to breathe, to take each other in. Jun reaches out, fingers sliding along his collarbone.

“You were so pale when you got here,” Jun teases. “You look good with a little sun.”

“You just look good, period,” Sho mumbles, watching Jun laugh in embarrassment. His body has probably changed a lot since his dancing days, but there’s no doubt he takes good care of himself. 

Jun says nothing more, turning his attention to Sho’s jeans. He lets Jun unbutton him, unzip him, tugging them down his legs, and he steps out of them. Jun pokes at his feet, clearing his throat, which is Sho’s cue to ditch his socks. They’re both left only in their underwear, and Sho is torn between moving to the bed and staying where they are.

He can feel himself burning up with indecisiveness. It’s been a long time since he’s been undressed in front of someone else. Not that he doesn’t trust Jun, but still. It’s been a long time and...

“Sho.”

Jun’s eyes are kind, understanding. 

“This is already an amazing birthday. I need you to know that.” He reaches out, but only to take Sho’s hand, entwine their fingers. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Sho admits, surprised by how relieved he feels. “But thank you.” In gratitude, he finally takes the opportunity to kiss that perfect, dark mole beneath Jun’s lip. 

Either way, it seems like the energy that got him all the way here, into his car after 10:00 and into Onjuku after 1:00, has finally started to slip away. He doesn’t bother to hide a yawn, and Jun laughs softly.

“Thank you for coming back. I’m sorry things were weird between us. I should have asked you what was wrong.”

Sho shakes his head. “I’m not sure I would have even told you what was wrong.”

Jun tells him not to leave but to stay downstairs with him. He grabs his toothbrush out of his laptop bag, brushing his teeth and washing his face before returning. Jun then does his own nightly routine and comes back.

“Nope. That’s my side,” he says, and Sho obligingly moves to the other side of the bed. Jun plugs in his phone, sets an alarm, and then joins him.

When Jun turns out the light, Sho already misses the sight of him, the shape of him. His chest, his waist, the curve of his hips. They turn, facing each other, and now that he’s under the blankets, Sho’s just about ready for sleep. It’s a good thing he hadn’t decided to give Jun a birthday blowjob, if only because drifting off and snoozing during the act would be less than ideal. 

Sho confesses that he saw Jun and Aiba that night, that he saw them kiss. And that was why he pushed Jun away, tried so hard not to want him. Jun laughs at him, but gently, moving so that he can stroke Sho’s face in the dark.

“You’re very cute.”

“That story wasn’t cute,” Sho moans. “It’s just your first introduction to my many misfires when it comes to communication.”

“I look forward to all of your misfires. I look forward to learning everything about you that I can. Good and bad. Just like you’re going to wake up in a few hours, and you’ll see how horrible I can be when I don’t want to get out of bed.”

He smiles, leaning into the kiss Jun presses against his lips. He returns it softly, quick and quiet kisses that leave Jun sighing in contentment.

Jun’s final kiss makes it to the corner of his mouth. “Kichijoji,” he whispers in the dark.

“That’s me.” 

“I’ll see you there.”

/ / / / /

Birthday or no, Jun refuses to budge when Sho wakes up. He’s not the kindest partner to share with, as he’s managed to steal all the blankets away during the night, wrapped up in them angrily. But they’ve got all the time in the world to get used to each other’s habits and quirks.

He’s still gorgeous, even as he swears under his breath at Sho’s every little movement, pulling a pillow over his head.

Sho smiles, pulling his clothes back on and leaving Jun behind. His phone is almost dead, and he leaves Jun’s rooms, retrieving his bag and heading up to his own room. Thankfully, his mother hasn’t yet woken for the day. Sho has time to shower and dress before Yukie emerges, meeting him in the kitchenette. They eat breakfast, have coffee, and still Jun hasn’t emerged.

“I hope he’ll wake up soon,” she murmurs, but in that instant, Sho hopes he doesn’t. At least not just yet.

“Mom,” Sho says. “There’s a lot I’ve got to tell you.”

He blushes, embarrassed, when she comes flying out of her chair at the end of what he has to say. Her arms wrap around him, squeezing tight. She knows how much Kohei hurt him. And she knows how much he’s struggled to pick up the pieces. She’s so happy for him that Sho’s eyes fill with tears, and he’s ashamed. This vacation was supposed to be about her. But then again, seeing him like this probably helps her. It’s one less thing for her to worry about moving forward.

But Yukie has news of her own. She and Sho have been tasked with getting Jun out of the house for the morning. Jun’s friends are throwing him a surprise party today, hence her concern about Jun not wanting to wake up yet.

Aiba is leaving Triple Kitchen in the capable hands of his staff, bringing food with him. It will join the lobster and fish that Ohno and his father caught that morning. Shun and Toma are returning, Nagase too. A handful of other guests that Sho doesn’t know, high school friends and Onjuku friends. Even Ninomiya-sensei is taking a vacation day from the office, and Yukie is ecstatic to see him.

“The surprise party starts at 1:00,” Yukie whispers, squeezing his hand in excitement. “Because even if he suspects that his friends have been planning something, he’ll never have expected them to get here so early.”

Sho’s glad he came back early now. If he hadn’t, he might have missed the party entirely. An oblivious Jun finally emerges from his blanket chrysalis after 11:00, mumbling a half-assed “good morning” that makes Yukie laugh.

Jun can’t find any reason not to join them at the beach, since he’s looking at Sho like he’s never really been brave enough to before. Like he doesn’t want to be away from him for even a minute. It leaves Sho half-dazed, struggling to keep it together under the intense onslaught of Jun’s gaze. 

While he and Jun swim, Yukie seems to be spending quite a bit of time on her phone. Sho, of course, knows that she’s likely texting madly with Aiba, ensuring that Jun is kept away from the house until preparations are completed. When Jun suggests they go to Triple Kitchen for lunch, Sho shakes his head. 

“I’m still full from breakfast, maybe later.”

“You may be full,” Jun complains, looking at Sho like he wants to dunk him underwater. “But I’m not.”

They’re far enough under and far enough away from other people that Sho moves closer, finding Jun and squeezing his ass. Jun scowls at him in reply.

“That’s not fair,” Jun hisses, especially when Sho moves his hand around front, pawing ungracefully at the front of his trunks. “That’s even more unfair.”

Jun backs away and the subject of lunch is dropped for the moment.

Yukie eventually waves at them from the shoreline, and they swim back. “I’m going to have a nap back at the house. You boys stay out as long as you like.”

“Do you want us to walk back with you?”

Yukie surprises Sho with the all-too-knowing look on her face. “Don’t you two want to have some time alone?”

Sho looks away, groaning, and Jun does the same. Sho has a feeling that Aiba has had a hand in telling his mother what to say to keep them away from the house a little longer. She goes off, taking her bag.

They take a break when she’s gone, toweling off and sitting in the beach chairs under the umbrella. Sho has a text from Aiba.

“Come back in twenty minutes.”

They sit there under the umbrella, and Sho knows that his timing is perfect when he finally speaks up again.

“My mom’s probably asleep by now,” he says casually. “If you want to go back for a while.”

He hears the chair beside him creak. “Sho-san. Don’t say things you don’t mean. It’s my birthday, and that means I get what I want.”

He lowers his sunglasses down his nose, letting Jun see the seriousness in his eyes. He almost wishes there weren’t fifteen or twenty people crowded into Jun’s living room right now because he’s been wanting to kiss every inch of his skin since they’ve gotten to the beach.

“You’ll get what you want,” he replies, and technically he’s not lying. 

Jun will get what he wants, but he’ll have to wait a while.

They pack up in a hurry, and he’s grateful Jun doesn’t detour them into a public restroom this time. Instead he sees Jun come to a screeching halt as soon as they both can smell it. There’s a pair of charcoal grills in Jun’s backyard, currently unmanned. Aiba wasn’t really able to hide something like that inside the house.

“I’m going to murder them,” Jun complains, and Sho doesn’t hide his smile as they simply drop the beach chairs in the yard when they get back. 

Jun yanks open the back door, going into the house. “I hate you all!” he shouts as he walks into the living room, Sho at his heels.

They all scream “Surprise!” anyway, the room soon full of streamers and strings as his guests set off little celebration poppers. Sho’s still in his damp shirt, trunks dripping on the floor, but Nagase finds him and wraps him up in a hug as everyone else gathers around the birthday boy.

“How did he know?” Nagase asks.

Sho gestures back, laughing. “The grills.”

“Oh man,” Nagase laughs in reply. “Oops.”

Despite Jun’s complaints, Sho can see how ridiculously happy the surprise has made him. He’s the center of attention, slipping away only so he can change into dry clothes, returning and greeting his friends with hugs or teasing. Both in Toma and Shun’s case.

There’s a ton of food, the Hidamari Guest House overflowing with cheerful folks. Ninomiya-sensei manages to pull Sho aside a while later.

“You gave Aiba-kun my address,” Sho says pointedly, watching Ninomiya take a sip from his beer with a wicked look in his eyes.

He doesn’t apologize either. “Sho-san, he said it was an emergency. A J-related emergency. How could I ignore such a plea for help?”

“Thank you,” Sho replies shyly, seeing Ninomiya’s smile grow.

“I suppose congratulations are in order?”

“Not yet. I don’t know. There’s a lot we don’t know,” he admits. But they’ll be back in Tokyo soon. And there will be a lot to discuss then.

“Well, take my congratulations anyway,” Ninomiya says. He looks across the room, gesturing toward Yukie, who has managed to stay in the ‘old folks’ corner with Ohno’s parents and another older woman Sho doesn’t recognize. “Your mom’s looking happy.”

“She’s had her ups and downs here, but she’s doing much better.”

“I’ll be sure and do a house call while I’m here,” he says. “Don’t worry. Free of charge.”

Sho laughs. “Terrific.”

Shun and Toma have brought a better stereo with them than the small boombox Jun keeps in the guest house, and the house turns into a bit of a silly dance party. They clear furniture out of the way, and after a few dances with her doctor (his house call, Sho suspects), Yukie makes her way over to Sho.

He bows to her, and even though the song is a little bit more uptempo, his mother takes his offered hand, wrapping her arm around him and hugging him close. They stay in the corner, swaying gently.

“I love you, Mom. I’m sorry your vacation’s almost over.”

“That’s okay,” she says. “Thank you for being with me. It’s been wonderful to see so much of you. I know you have your own life and your own things, but you gave up so much to spend this time with me. I’m so happy.”

He holds her tight, trying to keep his eyes from watering. “I’d do anything for you, Mom. You have to know that.”

“I do know that. I do.”

They make it through two more songs, and she finally talks again.

“Do you see that woman over there that Jun-kun is chatting with?”

Sho looks, sees the older woman that had been in the corner with Ohno’s parents and his mother earlier. Jun’s sitting by her side, their hands clasped together. There’s a warmth in Jun’s expression that can only be love. “Yes, I see her.”

“Would you believe that Jun-kun used to be in a famous dance company? I couldn’t believe my ears, but it’s absolutely true. That woman there is Nakata-san. She was Jun-kun’s dance teacher before he joined up with that company. She’s a lovely person. She absolutely adores him.”

“It’s hard not to adore him, Mom.”

Yukie hugs him, laughing softly. “You’re right on that account. You’re very, very right.”

Finally she lets him go, staring up at him with a grin. 

“I hate to have to do this, but will you be able to come pick me up tomorrow?”

Sho’s confused. “What do you mean pick you up?”

“Well, Ohno-san is sad that I’m leaving Onjuku in a few days, so she has kindly invited me to spend the night at their house tonight. We may go shopping tomorrow as well, one last hurrah until your father can bring me back for a visit sometime in the fall.” 

He knows that he’s blushing, but he doesn’t bother to hide it. His mother can be extremely crafty when she wants to. Sho can’t help but think of the money she leaves behind at Aunt Kaori’s house every time they visit.

“Mom,” he scolds her, seeing the naughty look on her face. “Seriously.”

She pats his cheeks once, twice. “Be happy, Sho-chan. Just be happy.”

Since it’s the middle of the week, and many folks have to work in the morning, the exodus starts soon after sundown. Despite the fact that Matsumoto Jun owns and operates a summer guest house, nobody seems to be interested in his hospitality tonight. Yukie departs with the Ohno family in their truck. Nagase gets on his motorcycle, tearing off into the night, Shun and Toma following behind. Aiba’s brought his own truck, hauling his charcoal grills back to the izakaya lot where he and the other guests stashed their vehicles to hide the surprise from Jun.

Jun and Sho follow after him, the final guest to depart, and they help him get everything loaded up.

“Did you really go all the way to Tokyo last night?” Jun asks him, not seeming to care that Sho is standing here listening in.

“What can I say, Matsujun, you were both super miserable. It was going to ruin the party I’ve spent all this time meticulously planning,” Aiba says, beaming that bright smile at them under the street light. “I had to do something!”

“Yes,” Jun says, rolling his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure it was all about the party.”

“I love you, too,” Aiba jokes, leaning forward and startling Jun by kissing him right on the lips. But before either of them can say anything, he leans over and plants an equally chaste kiss on Sho’s lips as well. “There. Now it’s entirely out of my system.”

“Go home,” Jun scolds him.

“Night.” He leers at them suggestively. “Have fun.”

“Go home!” Sho shouts all the more emphatically.

Aiba gets in the truck, laughing as he turns it on and pulls out of the parking lot.

Sho’s a bit surprised by the shy look in Jun’s face when he turns around this time. Maybe he worries that Sho’s changed his mind after last night. He holds out his hand, almost as though he’s not sure Sho’s going to take it.

All Sho can do is smile, batting Jun’s hand out of the way as he leans in for a kiss.

/ / / / /

The house is a mess. There are plates lying around, half with mostly eaten grilled food, the other half with mostly eaten birthday cake. The floors are covered in streamers, and there’s a cooler of beer sitting open on top of the kitchenette table.

The benefit of the guest house having multiple bathrooms is that they can both shower and be ready at the same time. But when Sho emerges, wrapping a towel around his waist, Jun’s not in his bedroom. He’s not anywhere on the messy ground floor, so he heads upstairs.

He can’t help laughing when he sees that a certain door has a ‘Do Not Disturb’ tag hanging from the knob.

“You’re so corny,” he mumbles to himself, loving it anyway.

Last night was…well, last night was a lot. They were both emotional, both nervous, both wanting to get out their feelings. To touch for the first time, to confirm that what they were feeling was real. And mutual. Sho supposes it’s good that they’ve gotten that out of the way. As nervous as he was last night, Sho knows that he’s not feeling that way tonight. He had the whole day to remind himself what he wants and what he feels. He trusts Jun. He knows that this feels right.

He walks up to the door, holding the towel with one hand and knocking with the other. When he doesn’t get a response, he opens it to find Jun sitting there with one of Sho’s books in his hands. His legs are crossed, and he’s pushed the blankets off, leaving only the fitted sheet.

The fitted sheet he’s sitting on while he’s decided to read in the nude. 

Even though he knows they’re alone, Sho shuts the door.

“Your bed downstairs is bigger, isn’t it?” Sho says.

Jun turns a page, though Sho is grateful to see that Jun hasn’t moved his bookmark. “It’s not like we’re going to be sleeping any time soon.”

That’s all he has to say, and Sho drops his towel, hurriedly climbing onto the bed beside him. He sees Jun grin in triumph, closing the book. He hands it over so Sho can set it on the nightstand. He sees that Jun has already placed a condom and lube there, very overtly. His heart swells, knowing what he confessed to Jun last night about Kohei’s cheating, his carelessness. Jun doesn’t have to say anything. Jun was listening to him, and Jun wants him to feel safe. 

Confronted with Jun’s body, with all of his body for the first time, Sho has a feeling it’s not going to be a first time that they’ll think back on and cherish. He hasn’t had sex in a year, and now he’s got all of Jun to deal with. His long, lean legs. His strong arms. His cock, already growing hard now that Sho is so close.

It’s easier than last night, now that they’ve both confessed what they’ve needed to confess. They lie side by side in the bed Sho’s slept in for the better part of a month, kissing, letting fingers slowly stroke warm skin. He slips his tongue past Jun’s lips, into his mouth, Jun’s moaning reply sending a shiver down his spine.

Jun pulls him closer, grabbing Sho’s leg, lifting it so it rests atop his own. He’s been waiting for this all day, sighing in contentment as Jun’s fingers run up and down his thigh. Eventually Jun goes for what he’s intended all along, moving his hand to grab Sho’s ass, to squeeze hard enough to make him cry out. 

Their lips part, come back together, desperate and needy. Sho wants more, craves more. He moves them, pushing Jun onto his back. He hovers shakily over Jun, working his way down. Jun is even hotter like this, wanting him, needing him. He tilts his head back, exposing his neck. Jun moans when Sho kisses, licks his way down. 

He finds another one of Jun’s beauty marks beside one of his nipples, delighting in his discovery. He kisses it, licks around it and listens to the approving sounds Jun makes as Sho continues his journey south. Jun’s a bit more ticklish near his belly, his sides. Sho figures he can exploit that another time, watching how Jun’s fingers dig into the bedsheets, encouraging Sho to keep going. Motivated, he keeps kissing a wet trail down from Jun’s navel, following the dark trail of hair all the way to his cock.

Jun’s so hard, his erection already slick with pre-come, waiting. But Sho isn’t prepared for the noise Jun makes when he takes him in his hand, swirls his tongue around the head of his cock. If it’s been a year for Sho, he wonders how long it’s been for Jun.

Sho’s seen several of Jun’s moods since he’s arrived at the Hidamari Guest House. Grouchy. Teasing. Assertive. But there’s a new Matsumoto Jun now, here in Sho’s bed, lying on his back with his legs apart and Sho between them. He’s got his arms back now, hands braced against the headboard, panting in desperation.

“Keep going,” Jun says. “Please, Sho.”

The dark neediness to his words shoots straight to Sho’s own cock, and he tries to fight it, wanting to make Jun come before doing anything for himself. Jun’s cock is thick, heavy in his hand, and he slowly takes him in, listening to Jun’s loud, eager moans as he does so. It’s been a while, but it’s easy to remember the basics. He sucks Jun’s cock slowly, stroking him in time, wanting to prolong his pleasure as long as he can.

It feels good, it feels right, listening to how Jun reacts. Learning what really sets him off. He takes his mouth away, using the saliva he’s already left behind to slick Jun down further, to stroke him without any discomfort. He’s so turned on seeing Jun like this, at his mercy, unashamed of how noisy he is. 

Sho’s jaw starts to pop a little the deeper he takes Jun into his mouth, but the noises Jun makes, the deep longing Sho hears, keeps him focused. Motivated. He wishes he could go all night, but the louder Jun gets, the more Sho wants to fuck him.

Jun’s body is sweat-slick, hot to the touch, trembling beneath him. He pulls his mouth away, simply dragging his bottom lip along the sensitive head of Jun’s cock. “Jun,” he says.

“Yeeeeep?”

Sho nearly laughs. “What do you want? How would you like to finish this?”

“Whatever…whatever you’re…comfortable…” When Sho starts to jerk him off a bit harder, he groans. “Oh my god…”

“Mmmhmm, I see.”

Sho’s unsure what he wants more. He feels like nothing would make him happier than sucking Jun off, swallowing his release. But then it’s a bit more difficult to see what Jun will look like in the moment. So he decides against it. 

“Help me,” Sho tells him, adjusting so that he’s kneeling between Jun’s perfect thighs. He runs his finger up and down Jun’s leg. “I want you to help.”

Jun shakily moves his right arm, bringing his hand down. Sho puts his hand around Jun’s cock, stroking harder. Jun’s hand wraps around his, helping Sho to do it the way he likes it. 

Sho wants to see him come. More than anything in this moment, Sho wants to see him come. It doesn’t take long, Sho using his free hand to massage the inside of Jun’s thighs, to gently grab hold of his sack and bring him right up to the edge. He watches Jun’s chest rise and fall, watches him shut his eyes tight. His body’s moving more, his hips arching up as he fucks the tight grip of his and Sho’s joined hands. Sho feels the warmth against his fingers before he hears Jun moan through it. Sho keeps their hands moving, stroking him through his orgasm until Jun’s left laughing from the silly pleasure of it.

He gets off the bed, retrieving his towel so he can clean his hands and Jun’s, wiping at some of the sweat glistening on Jun’s abdomen, his thighs. Jun’s watching him through lidded eyes, a smile on his face.

“And?”

“And what?” Sho mumbles back, his cock aching all the more now that he’s watched Jun come.

Jun’s laugh is carefree, happy. “And aren’t you going to fuck me?”

Sho laughs in return. “Well, obviously.”

“So inflexible. I have my concerns,” Jun is telling him. “Don’t break a hip, Grandpa.”

Sho rolls his eyes. So it seems that Jun likes to offer challenges once he’s gotten off. Sho responds by going to the nightstand, going for the lube and condom waiting for him. Jun’s slowly coming back to Earth, letting out more of his appreciative moans as Sho works a slick finger inside him.

If Sho’s inflexible, then Jun is the opposite. He has his legs spread, knees bent, telling Sho he can take it, that he can take more. Once they grow more comfortable around each other, Sho has a feeling that Jun will be able to show him just what his dancer’s body is capable of. For now, Sho just wants to be close to him. Wants to feel how they come together. He wants to be able to kiss Jun, show him how much this month has meant to him.

Jun’s soon begging for it, pushing back against Sho’s slick fingers, trying to take him deeper inside. Sho rolls on the condom, opens the lube bottle to do as much as he can to avoid discomfort. He moves slowly, watching Jun close his eyes in seeming bliss as soon as he starts to push his cock inside him.

After a few gentle strokes, he adjusts a little, moving forward so he can be closer. He gets one hand behind Jun’s head, cradling him gently and resting the other beside his shoulder. He doesn’t move, looking down, seeing Jun open his eyes. They’re dark, and Sho has missed seeing a look like this. A look that tells him he’s wanted, needed. A look that also says keep going. Keep going. Fuck me.

He feels the soft tickle of hair against his side, against his back as Jun easily lifts his legs, wraps them around him. He kisses Jun, starts to move against him, groaning at how perfect and tight he feels around him. Jun kisses back, one hand coming to rest on the back of Sho’s neck, fingers stroking through the dark, sweaty strands of his hair. Jun’s other hand holds on to Sho’s bicep, squeezing, holding on tight.

Jun urges him on, kissing him hard. It feels so good, fucking Jun, feeling Jun all around him, under him. Smelling Jun’s sweat, tasting him, listening to every incredible encouraging sound that falls from his lips, each sigh, each moan, each whispered, needy word. With each deep stroke, with each upward movement Jun makes to try and meet him halfway, Sho gets more and more lost. He’s not going to last much longer.

Jun moves his mouth away, turning his head aside. Sho misses him, needs him, presses sloppy kisses against his neck, his ear, hearing Jun laugh. “It’s okay,” Jun’s assuring him, “it’s okay.”

He gives in, seeing white, and burying his face against Jun’s neck, breathing hard and halfway to laughter himself.

Jun’s long legs are still wrapped around him. “Don’t go. Don’t go yet,” is the request, and Sho doesn’t need to be told twice. He shuts his eyes, body gently shaking from the exertion, and he comes back down slowly. Each touch of Jun’s fingers, Jun’s hand along his sweaty skin is almost too much. Jun kisses him, sucking teasingly at his bottom lip, worrying at it a little with his teeth.

“Happy birthday,” Sho mumbles, and this time when Jun laughs it’s really loud, ridiculously loud. 

He gently pulls out, feeling Jun’s slightly disappointed groan. He learns in that moment that Matsumoto Jun is going to be a difficult man to keep satisfied. It’s not all that surprising. And it’s a challenge he’s eager to take on. Jun gets up, following him to the shower downstairs. Even as Sho tries to get clean, Jun’s fucking around with him, touching him and kissing him. It’s still my birthday for another few hours, is Jun’s excuse. 

They tumble into Jun’s bed, and even though Sho’s pretty tired, he knows that birthdays come with expectations. Expectations that Sho is willing and eager to meet if the reward is seeing how beautiful Jun looks when he falls apart in his arms. Sho’s smiling, unable to look away from Jun’s face, letting Jun ride him as hard as he wants. “You’re so good,” Jun is telling him when the clock on his bedside table reaches midnight. “You’re so fucking good,” Jun is telling him as Sho’s about to come, taking his own erection in his hand, stroking quickly in hopes that they’ll come together this time. 

But then Jun clenches around him, unable to control himself. Sho has to give in first, his second orgasm of the night hitting him just as hard as the first. Jun doesn’t seem too disappointed, following soon after, spilling mostly into his hand and the rest onto Sho’s belly.

Sho closes his eyes, shaking his head.

“Happy August 31st,” he says more pointedly this time, feeling Jun lean forward to press a kiss to his forehead.

“Okay, Sho-san. I’ll leave you be,” Jun whispers before kissing him again. 

He barely registers Jun coming back with a damp washcloth, cleaning him, wiping the sweat from him as best he can. He starts to drift off when Jun returns for good, shutting off the light and finally settling down.

Sho smiles in the dark, knowing that he’ll be waking up without any blankets. Knowing that and not minding in the least.

/ / / / /

next year  
june 30th

/ / / / /

Sho bows humbly to the planter on Jun’s balcony. “Safe travels, Kogo-sama. Soon the salty sea air will be yours to enjoy once again.”

He’s not sure when he started talking to Jun’s bonsai. He supposes it’s a habit he’s picked up over time, having borne witness to Jun having full-blown conversations with her over the last several months. Not that Kogo-sama talks back, but still.

Jun rents out his place in Koenji every July and August while he’s gone. Not to make money, but just to know that someone’s using it. Sho will miss it. He’s grown accustomed to the stylish decor, the new appliances. He supposes he’ll miss Jun’s king sized bed most of all. His luxurious linens, his plush pillows. And of course the activities that occur there with regularity, with an enthusiasm that Sho’s never realized could be possible even this many months after they started.

But for all that Sho loves the apartment in Koenji, it’s where Jun’s going that really holds his heart.

He leaves Kogo-sama to her waning sunlight, heading for the kitchen where Jun is making hamburger steak. It’s the first thing Ninomiya-sensei ever recommended from Jun’s cooking repertoire, but it’s only recently that Sho’s thought to ask him for it. Jun grumbles in complaint when Sho inserts himself into Jun’s kitchen, coming up to stand behind him.

“So clingy,” Jun chides him with feigned disgust in his voice, even though Sho knows Jun’s going to miss him just as much.

“A whole month,” Sho says, waiting until Jun sets the spatula down before Sho wraps his arms around him, hands resting against Jun’s stomach. “How am I going to live a whole month without you?”

“You’re a grown-up. You’ll manage,” Jun replies, even as he leans back, enjoying the closeness.

Jun’s summers will always belong to Natsu, to Onjuku. Sho will never try to change that, to change him. Jun’s devotion, his loyalty to Natsu’s memory is just one of the hundreds of things Sho loves about him. Even if the word “love” is still a tricky thing to admit to himself, much less say out loud.

Sho suspects that Jun’s going to be the one to say it first, in the end. Jun’s just going to say it. They’ll be eating dinner or grocery shopping or coming out of a movie. Maybe they’ll be making out on the couch, Jun’s hand in Sho’s pants. He’ll wait for Sho to have his guard completely down. In that moment, he’ll say “I love you,” and Sho will surely panic, likely responding with “Huh?” Or maybe even something ridiculous like “I love tacos!” It’s not going to be pretty. It may require another intervention of the Aiba variety. 

But still, Sho looks forward to that day. To the day when he’ll tell Jun he loves him, and that he’s ready for the full implications of what that means.

For now, however, they’re going along at their own comfortable pace. They’ve made it through the hectic chaos that was Maya and Daisuke’s wedding. They’ve made it through the Golden Week hiking trip that the impulsive Jun insisted on planning all by himself (What do you mean we’re hiking whatever trail we feel like that day?).

And now Jun’s going back to Onjuku, to spend July opening up the Hidamari Guest House to friends. To word-of-mouth recommendations. And maybe to someone Ninomiya-sensei thinks might benefit from a few weeks by the ocean. August will be much the same as it was the year before, and Sho knows that Yukie is already marking the days in her planner, counting down to her summer escape. As for Sho, he can already taste one of Triple Kitchen’s crazy skewers.

But for now, he’ll work hard this month, all the way up until summer vacation. Then he’ll pack up his things, load up his car, get on the road. Sho’s asked if he’ll be sharing Jun’s bedroom with him, or if Jun’s going to put him back in his old room upstairs, the one with the ‘Do Not Disturb’ tag. Jun has so far declined to answer, preferring to leave Sho in suspense.

Jun turns off the burner. Dinner’s ready. 

He turns around, still in the circle of Sho’s arms. Sho presses a kiss to the dark mole below his lip, a gesture that even now makes Jun flush red in embarrassment. Sho leans in again, and Jun’s mouth welcomes his.

It’s time for another memorable summer to begin.


End file.
